Serious question about my girlfriend and anal

I have been with my girlfriend for 21 years. The relationship has been far from typical. For years she didn't trust me and constantly accused me of cheating.

About a year and a half into the relationship she cheated on me. She denied having sex with the guy for 10 years.

I suspected she cheated 15 years ago as well.

About 16 or 17 years ago I filmed us having sex. Watching the video evolved into my imagining I was watching her with another man. I'll skip the details and explanation, but this evolved into wanting to watch her with a black man.

I'm not a cuckold, my fantasy revolved around being the director. I also didn't believe she'd cheated so that's what made this appealing.

It started with dirty talk during sex and then she began flirting with guys while we were out. She was actually very good at this. The best part was the next day and while sober she acted like it never happened.

After 8 years of this game she did give a black man a bj in his truck and I filmed it. She only did it for 30 sec and said she can't do this and got out.

She said she just can't do anything with black guys. I was 41 and she was 40 so a younger white guy 21-25 was the new target. This never went past flirting tho.

Some details surfaced about a year and a half ago about the guy I believed she may have cheated with 15 years ago. I busted her in multiple lies about this.

We got into a big fight 6 months ago. A month after that fight she told me she had to confess to something. She told me she was upset and had sex with a 25 yr old guy. She didn't know him or his name. I figured out who he was. Ling irrelevant story. He was 23 and it was true they didn't know each other.

This lead to her confessing she did cheat on me 15 years ago. The details disgust me. The guy had a gf and she knew it. He was also having sex with her younger sister and a few other girls and she knew that as well. A few years later he also had sex with her youngest sister and gave her an std.

The point in giving these details is because the reason my little "game" was so fun was because I didn't think she was a cheater or a hoe. I still can't imagine her doing the things she's confessed to.

The person who helped me figure out who the young guy was told me that she didn't know my gf had sex with that guy. She said my gf drunkenly bragged about having sex with a completely different guy and she had details. My gf of course denies this.

Now here is the reason I'm posting on this thread. My gf used to be shy about sex. Over the last yr she's opened up. She told me her fav type of porn is hardcore anal sex. Girls sharing creampies and just really dirty anal sex in general.

I'm not a huge fan of anal, but I've had anal with about 15 women. My gf is not one of them. She's also never expressed an interest in it.

Thinking I can get past everything and knowing her love of anal porn I suggested sex toys. I bought a butt plug and lube. They didn't send the lube.

And here is the issue...

My gf took the plug like nothing. She also wasn't nervous at all about me trying. I am much bigger than most guys. I know a lot of guys say that. However I truly am. I was going slow and at no point did she act as if it hurt.

She then said "you have to get past a certain point and it'll feel good"

She absolutely loved the anal sex. More than vaginal and more than any woman I've had anal with. This was all without lube.

What bothered me was what she said about having to get it in past a certain point before it'll feel good. I asked her and she said that's just what it "felt" like.

I've heard this from several women however it was after anal sex. How can you tell something will eventually feel good? That's ridiculous.

Now in 21 years I did catch her talking on the phone ALOT with a guy 16 years ago. She also disappeared multiple times when she's gone out.

However I've never seen random texts or messages on social media. Nothing that would indiciate she's had anything ongoing at least.

This is bothering me to no end and has made sex very unappealing. I know she will deny forever so I guess I'm looking for some female insight. On the anal in particular

 

This can't be a serious question, dear new member having joined HF today by posting about sex, because you took 823 words to ask it. A serious question has to include some respect for the time of those you want to have answer it. Moreover, you have only one question in all of those 823 words, and you answered it yourself thus, immediately after the one question mark in your entire posting: "That's ridiculous."

Whatever you're up to here, it isn't asking a serious question with any intention of getting serious and considered answers. If your purpose is to put your fantasies on display and in great detail, well, you've done that transparently. If your purpose is to receive an actual answer, I'm pleased to have helped you find your answer, just as you posted it.

As to your purported quest for "female insight," you've already received that from your girlfriend. You'll find it among those 823 words. I found it, and so can you. You wrote it, expressing her words as a quotation.

 

I’m trying to understand this. Your “girlfriend” has been cheating on you for decades. You encouraged it. And now you’re upset because your “gargantuan monstrous oversized penis” slid into her so easily without lube and she knew what to expect?