Hi all, This is my first post here, so I don't know if I'm in exactly the right forum or not. Mods, please help me out if not. I was hoping to garner some opinions (from a range of people) on the forum, but perhaps particularly anyone who might be close to fitting my own description or that of the woman I'm interested in. To briefly colour things in, I've been into this woman for a few months now. This has been no secret between us (I have always joked around with her about it & she's a good sport), but only just now has she come around to me. Recently we made out, & in the next few days, we talked about our bedroom preferences & discovered we had completely incompatible styles. We reluctantly agreed to be friends, but as soon as we saw each other a few days later, it was on again (public place, so just a quick hook up, but the chemistry is reaching boiling point). Here's our problem. She has made clear that she's very touchy & delicate about any kind of roughness or aggression --- she can't handle it & it scares her & shuts her down. It isn't that I necessarily LIKE that stuff, but whenever I'm turned on, there's something up with me where I just become overwhelmed with an irresistible sense of fury & violent rage. I just can't turn it off (I'm crazy about her, so if I could I would just happily give her what she prefers at my own expense) but I've always been this way (I'm in my late 20's) & have even briefly seen a sex therapist over it without much success. It is probably made a little worse by the fact it's almost impossible for me to get that angry under conventional circumstances (being pissed off, etc). Rage at this level where I can & have smashed up a room is somehow exclusive to the sexual realm. At this point the only thing I want more than to have her is to avoid messing up the friendship. So before this gets too long, here's my question for everyone kind enough to answer, but also would love to hear from any shyer girls or guys who think they deal with something similar. I can only curb the depth of feeling in me so much (& for so long) & I know she won't be able to handle it. What can I do to put her at ease, or am I just kidding myself & I should stop this before it goes any further? Thanks a lot for any perspectives.
When you saw the sex therapist, did she mention prescribing anything to help with this anger? I ask because, I recently went through an anger phase although not sex related and was started on Cymbalta, after 2 weeks, the anger vanished, but it also put a slight damper on my libido. So a tapered down to half dose, sex has never been better and anger is never an issue. I'm not saying this will be your answer, just passing along what worked for me on anger. Is sex truly the only time you have uncontrolled anger? What about working out, do you experience any anger when physically pushing your limit while exercising? I realize this is a girl you care about and the option of getting her to buy into the rough stuff really isn't an option, instead of going to a sex therapist, go to a regular therapist or Psychiatrist and see what you can do about the anger itself, else, there are woman who do like the rough stuff and that might turn out to be what your last option is!
Personally I question the validity of Sex Therapists. The very act of having sex is an innate instinctual drive within all of us, and even with making conscious decisions to take control, it's only a matter of time before the animal urges take over, and there's nothing any self proclaimed, overpaid 'therapist' on the subject can do about it. The only thing I see any Sex Therapist being able to help with is with someone who has hang ups about having sex in the first place, and that's usually a psychological problem anyway & nothing to do with Sex Therapy.
