Im 23 and i hate to confess this more so out of embarassment. But i think i may have gotten married to a abusive spouse. I feel like it is all my fault ( he reassures me constantly that it is.) We have a child together so its bittersweet and difficult to leave him. Im scared and embarassed by this and have no clue what to do . He threatned if i ever leave he will kill himself ( i love him still and dont want him to hurt himself.) I dont have many friends or anything. I feel like i cant let anyone know. Im a stay at home mom at the moment so i have no money of my own or basically anything. I just wish i knew what to do. Im sad. He hits me and pulls at my hair. In febuary he gave me a black eye, i tried taking pictures but he deleated them and said "no one wants to see your stupidity." I feel hopeless.
Don't be scared, be strong. He won't kill himself, he doesn't have the guts. He is controling you... There is a book that would help you understand.. Living with the dominator.. you will think it's about your husband. Where are you?
He won't kill himself but he might kill you one day. Do you have family? You should tell someone. Or get in touch with a shelter for abused women if you don't have family to help. They'll take you and your children in and help you get on your feet
Neem, Get the hell outta there! The first two replies are to this forum are spot-on! If you don't listen to those folks you aren't doing yourself any justice. Leave the control freak, and life will be better for you and the kid. It's never a good idea to stay together just because you have a child with him. I apologize for "preaching to the choir" but I care. Get help asap!
You deserve to feel happy, healthy and safe in your own home... it's not right to feel like a prisoner of your own home... he is as emotionally abusive as he physically and by saying he's going to kill himself is his way of controlling you... for your sake and for your kids you need to try to work on a plan to get out of that situation... do you have family or one close friend you can stay with? and this is way easier said than done but maybe call the police on him and stand your ground with it... that way if you decide to leave him some day there is proof documented of his abuse... I am really sorry you are in this situation but I do think some extreme actions need to be taken on your part (and like I said it is way easier said than done)... I hope you get out of this and live the life you deserve
Look at it this way: He might abuse you today. And it might be your kid tomorrow. Get. Out. NOW. It might be a mess. It might suck. But it will pass. A year from now, I promise you'll be in a much better place. But if you stay? I promise you, in a year you'll be in a much worse place.
Is there any way you can get money and hide it? Does he give you money to buy food etc? I hope you delete your browsing history so he doesn't see your post. I'm pretty sure if you told a friend they would want to help you out. This man will NEVER change. It's also not good for your kids to see what he does to you! You need to set an example and leave that bastard!
get out, get out now. there are numerous groups organizations that can help. Sadly it will most likely get worse. get out, get out now
Do not put up with abusive behavior from anyone. If that means moving on then the quicker the better. Think about the love you have for your child, your child does not deserve to be forced to be reared by a person like this. The I'll kill myself is an old story and no he won't. I'll tell you his next control move should you escape. He will cry like a baby, beg and say anything he has to to pull you back in. I can hear the words already " I promise I'll change " which is an old story too and no he won't change. Your young, go get yourself a fresh start!
People like your husband say that they will kill themselves, but I personally don't think they will. It's just a tactic to manipulate you into feeling, thinking, or doing something. My ex boyfriend did that often, and one time he outright admitted that he only said those things to manipulate me. He actually admitted to that while smiling this sadistic smile. He was proud of himself for being able to fool me. Then he called me a stupid whore because I believed him. So, I don't think your husband will kill himself. As for everything else you said, you know what you have to do for yourself and your child. You have to get out of there. Odds are he has pulled you away from all your friends and family. So, you probably think you're alone. But, if you have any friends or family... go to them. If some cases, friends and family know about these things, but choose to allow it to happen, and not get involve. And sometimes these friends and family have the nerve to blame the person that is being abused. That's how my family was. My sister actually was proud of herself for not getting involved. She said that when she knew that my ex boyfriend was beating the crap out of me (she used those words), that she didn't meddle like I was meddling with her. And I was like, "That's not something you should be proud of. And I'm "meddling" because I'm your sister and I care about you. I'm "meddling" because I can see you suffering, and you have told me that you're suffering... due to your husband." So, if that is the case with your friends and family, then go to the police. They will know what to do. You just have to get out of there. That's the first step, and that's the most important step. Everything else will follow. Get out of there, when he is away. A lot of couples struggle. It's the same ol' story. Two people are together, but both are unhappy. And one has taken it upon themselves to hurt the other. However, neither one is leaving the other, because they're so used to one another. For a lot of these couples they will spend most of their life, if not all of their life in this destructive relationship. But, for a couple like you... you might not get that chance, because something is bound to happen. I'm not sure if I'm explaining this correctly. Basically, in my sister's case... the man she is with has cheated on her, has told her that he will leave her for another woman, has gotten drunk and done stupid stuff, like showing me his penis and fondling me, has left for extended amounts of time, doesn't work or is in inbetwen jobs, has verbally put her down, has pulled her away from her family, but his family is okay, etc. So, she has a typical destructive relationship. But, he has never physically abused her. He has never sexually abused her. So, odds are she will grow old with him, because yea... bad things might happen here and there, but nothing huge that changes everything. But when it comes to a destructive relationship that is physically and/or sexually violent... odds are something is gonna break. Your structure with him is not going to last. I've never heard of a destructive relationship where someome is being physically and/or sexually abused and it went on for most, if not all of that person's life. Don't get me wrong, some destructive relationships last a long time, because abusers are clever and the abused are strong. But, it always breaks, I think. It's bound to break, because no one can live like that. I think it's better to get out before it breaks. Best of luck, and I'm sorry you have to go through this. You deserve a happy life.
I agree with everyone on this one. You have to take your children and leave asap. Do you have family you can go to? There are places/agencies that help women in your situation. He is a piece of shit and unless he agrees to go get help you have to go.
There is no excuse for a man to ever lay a hand on a woman, ever! His violence is HIS FAULT alone. You are NOT to be BLAMED whatsoever! You need to report his behavior, at once, to someone in authority. Either seek out assistance from a Doctor, or, go directly to the Police. He needs to spend a night in jail, and, have some sort of restraining order issued for him to keep his distance from you. You may need to be placed in a safe home situation too! Get out now! Report it now!
Sorry to hear that you are going through this Neem www.hotpeachpages.net has a world-wide listing of domestic violence and abuse resources. You might be able to get in touch with a domestic violence counselor there You may want to try to delete your browser history too, so your abuser won't try to interfere
Please understand that the problem is HIM and not you. You did nothing at all to deserve this kind of treatment from this woman abuser. Of course he will try and manipulate you into believing that you are the problem. Don't believe it. You are experiencing domestic violence, and there are ways to leave this unhealthy situation. Google is your friend. Use it. There are domestic violence shelters that will help you and your child get housing, and everything. You don't have to live like this. He will not kill himself if you leave him; this is merely a "control"tactic that men like him use on his victims. You deserve to be treated with love and respect from your significant other, and no less....
