sad, lonely and confused

Discussion in 'Relationships' started by mariecstasy, May 25, 2004.

  1. mariecstasy

    mariecstasy Enchanted

    4 months ago my hubby and i split. since then i have told him that i am strong in my convictions of how i will tolerate being treated. IT is very unforturnate. i have asked, begged, pleaded for counseling. he's never been up for it. in the process of everything, he has said horrible things to me. he has done horrible things. last week he informed me that he's been doing lots of drugs and that he slept w/ some woman(who he is getting ready to move in with, supposedly as friends, yeah right)
    he got in my face last week, called me a **** and said i am lucky he didnt punch me.
    now why when i visited a friend last night, and i saw his truck at a house and figured out that this must be the womans, why did it hurt?

    i am moving forward in light and love and hopes for a better relationship w/ someone. i know true love is out there. but it hurts that he hasnt cared. its hurt that he has chosen this path.
    my thoughts are very scattered as i write this and i apologize.
  2. booshnoogs

    booshnoogs loves you

    *Hugs Mareekstasee*

    Don't apologize. This is natural. You have a lot of history with this guy. Those feelings don't just instantly go away, no matter how much of a butt munch he is.

    You seem to have your head on straight Marie. I respect you for that. You're trying to get over him, and in time you will. It's just gonna hurt for a while. Every day it will get a little bit better though.

    Based on how you describe him, I'm glad you aren't with him anymore. I'm also glad he didn't hit you. You tried to work things out though. Tried to get him to go to counseling, tried to do the right thing, but there's only so much you can do without his cooperation.

    *hugs again*

    You will be fine in time.
  3. booshnoogs

    booshnoogs loves you

    PS. If anybody asks, pretend I didn't say all that. Pretend I said something to the effect of you needing sex. I have a reputation to maintain.
  4. mariecstasy

    mariecstasy Enchanted

    lol...thanks boosh. you know what is hard though. i truly wish i didnt see where she lived. i dont want that information. my father wishes AIDS or overdose on him. i actually pray for him.
    if he were to move on into a relationship w/ her i think i would be ok with that. its just that instead of being honest with me about how he feels(i dont know if he can be) he yelled at me. he had the audacity to tell me to get off my high horse and get back w/ him and that i was married to him and failed him.
  5. DoDaMan

    DoDaMan Member


    I am so sad to hear about your sad, lonely, and confused feelings. I know what you are going thru. It is hard to try to help someone or an relationship if the other does not want any help. Do not worry Marie, things will get better. As much as it might be for you to believe, it will get better. You are a very beautiful person, inside and out. You and Adrianna defiently deserve better. I just hope that he can be a "level headed" person, when your daughter is around him. Take care Marie and if you need a "monitor" to lean on, just pm me or send me an email. I will have you and Adrianna in my prayers and thoughts.


    p.s. your hubby is lucky that he did not hit you! If so, I would have to take a short "road trip" to straighten him out. By no means am I a violent person, but I cannot STAND IT when a man hits a woman.
  6. mariecstasy

    mariecstasy Enchanted

    thanks doda.........i dont think he would have hit me though. he has never, but i dont know who the person he is anymore. one moment he is pleasant to me, the next he is an asshole.
    he has looked me in my eyes and told me that he doesnt want to be seperated, that he doesnt want to get a divorce, that he wants his family back and then the next moment he tells me that i have ruined him and wrecked his life.
    do you think it is possible for someone to feel remorse if they are angry? i think the 2 emotions collide. and the self pity fuels the anger and then remorse is thrown out the window. once in a while he will say he is so sorry that all this is the way it is. and then the next minute.....he's back to blaming me.
    its hard to live with. i try to let it roll of my shoulders. but sometimes it just gets to me. sometimes i miss him. sometimes i hurt for him. but then we have contact w/ each other and he's so mean.
    i know i have done the right thing but doing the right thing is so hard sometimes.
    and then on top of it all, i feel guilty that he's going down hill. i feel responsible
  7. DoDaMan

    DoDaMan Member

    Do not feel guilty. It is not like you are giving/forcing him the drugs or alachol to consume. He is doing it to himself. You can only help out someone so much, then it is up to the individual. Kind of sounds like he has not gotten' over his "partying days". This might be the reason why he is having these Jeckel/Hyde mood swings. Is his mood swings different when he is sober vs. wasted? Or is he just "moody" all the time?

  8. mariecstasy

    mariecstasy Enchanted

    I KNOW that i shouldnt feel that way. but i love him and there are certain feelings of responsibility involved there.

    his moodiness..........well lately. it seems chemically induced. the fight w/ me the ohter night was when he had been drinking. he came to get arianna on sunday and he was stoned, so he was nice then. then he dropped her off, got pissed and pulled out of driveway angry.
    i think his moodiness are his demons fighting within himself. he knows he's mesed up but he doesnt like to face the reality of his involvement. he also has ADD and will not take the medication for it. he's always had parents that have gotten himout of any situation and has never had to face responisibility. i blame his folks for some of this.
    sheesh....errrrrrrr.....sorry. this is just getting to me. i dont understand him.and why is he chosing this road ?
  9. DoDaMan

    DoDaMan Member

    I was thinking along the lines of his parents having to be at blame for how he is. I am sure that they love him deeply, but always helping him out of every situation and not letting him facing his problems alone and not letting him be responsible for his actions, will not help him in the long run. Have you talked to his parents? Maybe he is choosing this road because he is subconsciously calling out for help. If he is used to his parents helping him out all the time, maybe he is doing the exact same thing with you? Does his parents know about his drug and alachol abuse and about him not taking his meds? If he only listens to his parents, maybe try to involve them in some type of intervention so he could understand what he is doing to his family? I am so sorry that I cannot help you out in some way. You are such a great person and I feel hopeless that I cannot help you out..............

  10. mariecstasy

    mariecstasy Enchanted

    you know, i have gone that route before. i told his mom all about it. i told his grandparents as well. but........then they view me as trying to get them involved in our relationship.
    i was telling my pop last night, one more confrontation like the other evening and i am going to them and dont care what their reaction is.
    i just want him to get better! for his ownself. for arianna.
  11. DoDaMan

    DoDaMan Member

    Looks like your typical, "Oh no, not my son", situation. Or maybe his parents are starting to get sick of "bailing him out" of trouble and fixing everything for him. I am sure your hubby will be Really happy at you when you decide to tell his mother and grandparents. Maybe going this route could be his only hope of straighting his ass out! Hopefully for Arianna and your sake. If this does not work out, then the only thing you can do is distance yourself away from him as much as possible. No matter how hard it will be. I would also consider letting him taking Arianna by himslf without supervision. If he is distructive to himself and picking her up all stoned, then this might affect her as well. I am sure that her loves Arianna deeply but if he is not in the right state of mind, then something really bad might happen. Obviously his judgement is messed up in more ways then one..............


  12. mariecstasy

    mariecstasy Enchanted

    i just pray he comes to his senses. this whole thread may seem like i am bashing him. this i do not want to do. i think he is a great person and has great potential, but just doesnt know how to handle things. i have told him this, he agreed. but then. as i stated the next day it turns into a "you are to blame" deal again.
    i pray we can be friends. is it possible after so much pain and anger and blame?
    i can on my end! i even got him a present for his birthday, even after all this crap. when he's had a bad spell and screams at me, i call him to make sure he feels better the next day.
    but i suppose the best thing to do is not to offer friendship

    and back to something boosh said...i dont think it is so much of getting over him. because i think it was lost along time ago. i just cant stand to see someone do this to themselves and bruises my ego that he screwed someone else. i know......lose the ego. but damn. fucker
  13. mariecstasy

    mariecstasy Enchanted

    why does he do this? why has he gone this route?

    fuck dude........doesnt he care that he is just hurting me, hurting arianna, hurting himself
  14. MrsA-Camper

    MrsA-Camper Member

    Maybe you hit the nail right on the head there... cocaine can make a person an unpredictable mess, especially crack. But because it doesn't last forever, you have a hard time figuring out what's what. My ex used to go frickin nutso when he was rockin, and because he hid it from me (as best he could) I would always be standing there wondering what the hell was going on? Just as you said, wanted to be the family guy one minute and the next, mean & ugly to me.

    For me, I tried for a long time to fix it - but I can't fix anybody. I'm not a psychmechanic. So I HAD to give up, for the sake of my rugrats.

    I hate to tell ya this, but even though I was the one that called it quits, it still hurt. Bad. But I'm much better now :)
  15. kitty fabulous

    kitty fabulous smoked tofu

    i'm sorry to hear what you're going through. as i'm sure you know, i'm splitting with my man. thankfully there's no drugs or alcohol involved, but he does need counselling and refuses to get it.

    i actually went and got a tarot reading from a friend today. he told me that suresh needed a wake-up call. he's been blaming things on me as well - he wants to be a good dad, and yet he insults my son and punishes him for the slightest things. i think it's because he sees himself in damien and can't face what he sees. but still, to hear him say it, it all comes down to me being "over-sensitive" and bitchy, or else it's that i'm throwing our marriage away because i want to fuck my friend. and i do have feelings for my friend, but they wouldn't be growing like this if my husband and i weren't pulling apart already, and if my friend and i didn't have a lot in common. don't make the mistake of believing it when he blames you.
  16. mariecstasy

    mariecstasy Enchanted

    kitty are you all still living with each other
  17. FREE

    FREE Member

    hey girly girl

    fuck men
    fuck women
    we all die alone and not one soul on this fucked up planet we thrive by is anything to live your life by
  18. Spinner

    Spinner Member

    That's sad. At least you had a real relationship.
  19. kier

    kier I R Baboon

    *hugs marie* *hugs kitty* *hugs anyone else feeling down*

    kitty you seem to realise what is best and what you need to do, and understand it'll be hard. try and accept as much suport from your friends and family as you can, to make it as easy as possible

    marie, you can't make so many self sacrifices to you (and your child), you have to look out for yourself sometimes. if he isn't treating you right, and you aren't happy, you need to try and get some time to your own.

    though he may not want to lose the marrage, is it a case of just wanting to lose that? does he care about you and love you?

    it may be hard, but the best routes aren't always the easiest. i hope things get better, whatever path you choose :)
  20. mariecstasy

    mariecstasy Enchanted

    oh believe you me..........its through. i accept this! i am strong in what i am doing, just saddened its this road!

    sometimes i sound whiny. i just been dealing w/ this for almost 5 months now and it wears on you after a while.

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