Rolling the Dice On Assiniboine

hey dirty dawg whered ya go ?

 

Having a quickie is pretty difficult with all your clothes on. Maybe you can describe the procedure in detail? Being on the average mountain, on an average day, is most conducive to keeping all your clothes on, since on an average day it's blowing like hell and threatening snow. Plus, most of my mountaineering companions are male, and I happen to be sexually straight. As to what I've done, or haven't done, let your imagination go wild!

 

ha ha ha - why not write a story and just deny that its about anyone living or dead, and tell us all the sordid secrets of a mountaineer and what happens if you feel like having a knee trembler thousands of feet up a sheer cliff.

you could call it - sheer fun

 

LOL. It could be set in the Khyber Pass for extra entendre effect.

 

The truth, as Hunter Thompson might have said, is more twisted than anything I could make up.

I could tell about the two gentlemen who climbed Mount Victoria (Banff Park) with me, successfully, and were then too wrapped up in their own egos and own conversation to even share the time of day with me, all the way back to the car.

I could tell about the gal who ignored my advice on setting up a rappel (Mt Fay, Banff Park), and then five minutes later was stuck halfway down the face, hanging from her stopper prussik sling and unable to release it. My advice had been to shorten the sling so that she could reach it after it got loaded. Since she was now hanging on the cliff below me, out of sight and practically out of hearing, I wasn't in a position to help her.

Or about the jokes I shared with the lady mountain guide who took us up Mt. Lefroy (Banff Park, Alberta). Sample: "You know, we have fifteen climbers here in the hut and only two women to wash the dishes." Nicci was killed three months later, while instructing a rock climbing school.

I could tell about the fellow who wanted to 'save time' downclimbing a peak (Unnamed 3155, Banff Park) near Mt Victoria by rappelling off a thousand foot sheer cliff on a rope only 150 feet long. The doubled rope is only 75 feet long.

I could tell about the time I just about killed myself on rappel (Unnamed 3155, Banff Park) by setting up the main brake hitch improperly, leaving out a half twist in the rope required to brake effectively. When you leave out the half twist in setting up the Munter hitch, all you get is two consecutive wraps of the doubled rope through the brake carabiner. Not much of a brake!

Or about the time downclimbing the Assiniboine headwall (Mt Assiniboine, Assiniboine Park, British Columbia) I set my pack on the ground to get a drink of water, then watched as the pack lazily rolled down the cliff below me and came to rest at the bottom of a bergschrund (crevasse).

Or about the time I went on an extended trip (Columbia Icefields, Jasper Park, Alberta) with an inferior pack, one held together by all kinds of amateurish knots, and froze my hands trying to untie them.

Or the time I went on a five day hike (Forty Mile Creek, Banff Park) and ate all the good food in the first three days, living the last two days on unseasoned rice.

Or the time I went on an eight day, 108 mile mountain hike (Jasper Park South Boundary Trail), solo, and got all my matches wet, then got lost (temporarily).

Or the time the cougar showed up at a winter camp (just me and my dog, with no bear spray) at 2 AM (Yamnuska natural area, Alberta).

Question is, would any of these make a good story? Sorry folks, no smut or sex in any of these little yarns. Look elsewhere for that, you wankers.
Dirtydog.

 

Don't worry about them. They're jus jealous coz they can't get it up, never mind get up a mountain eh? Anyway it's nice to get some real men around here for once so if you want to do a bit of climbing with me honey just give us a call.

 

Reminds me of a joke :

A woman owned these two chimpanzees and they became house pets and eventually one of them died. The other chimp was so heartbroken that he died as well, and the woman realised she was now completely alone in the world. She just couldnt bear to bury them or have them cremated and so she went to a taxidermist. She said "they doted on each other and I loved them very much, they were male and female, and I think in their own way they loved each other romantically" after a short pause she said " how would you approach this, what will you do to preserve them" and the taxidermist said, "well if you like, you can have them simply stuffed and mounted" and the woman said "dont you think it would be best if they were just holding hands"?

 

Thanks, Ronald. I only know two jokes. They're both lawyers.

As for Pink Panther: how about putting your picture into your gallery here? Most photofinishers these days will put a photo positive onto diskette for you, and from there it's easy to upload to this site. I take it you're female?

 

Oh so youre not gay then?

I'm surprised !

 

Gee Ronald, I just can't figure how you could have gotten banned off this site, you being such a nice guy and so complimentary and all.

 

well imagine how fucking surprised I was ! one minute I am being all nice and giving someone some banter and then some munter who probably has buck teeth, bad breath. and a face like a spanked arse, just sodding well bans me - I mean if they can do that to me - who the fuck is next?

 

I don't know the details of what went down, ronald, but most likely you insulted someone. Maybe you meant it as a joke, but often when you make a joke at someone else's expense it's seen as an insult, and they retaliate. For example, you more or less called me a fag, and a lot of people (such as myself) might consider that an insult.

My suggestion is that you try to build people up, give them real compliments, make them feel good. Then these people will say, "Hey, this guy ronald likes me, thinks I write well (or whatever)." Then they'll return the compliment and say something that makes you feel good. What goes around, comes around.

Does what I'm saying sound reasonable to you? Try it, see if it works!

 

I've been telling him that for a long time dd. I hope he listens, because I think he's a good person at heart. Sorry. I meant to say persons.

 

I loved your story dirty dog, It reminds me of something I read in a magazine I found on a train. Have you published commercially as well as on forums?
Its not really my cup of tea but I enjoy well written work. Is your aim to be a documentarian, or are these fictional ?

BTW in your criticism of Ronald Macdonald, you say that you are or could be offended by being called a fag, but to be offended by being labelled as such would indicate that you find something abhorrent in homosexuality to the point of disdain. However that would be discriminatory and therefore is not strictly all that ideologically sound. If he had called me that I would have simply laughed it off. It is no matter. On the web we have no identity but that which others percieve. There can be no discrimination on the net because we are all at a distance and the terms , fag, woman, black, white, jew, christian. have little meaning on the web - we are all netizens here - I am not a big raving homo bitch queen, but do not mind in the slightest being called any of that ! I am man enough to let the terminology amuse me rather than offend me

 

Let's put it this way, Paxman. I have values and I make value judgements. I do not expect all who read my posts to agree with them. I have a right to be offended if someone says something about me that I find insulting. If you don't like the fact that I'm offended, that's your problem, not mine. What other people judge to be politically correct doesn't necessarily dictate what I am going to say, especially since this is a 'free speech forum'.

My nonfiction articles "Rolling the Dice on Assiniboine" and "Summiting on Assiniboine" are accounts of real events, written with a view to entertaining a reader. My fiction articles here, "Trouble", "Marathon" (5% fiction, 95% fact) and "Anacapa" are written to entertain the reader and in some cases to bring forward a personal experience.

Since I started this thread and wrote the only two significant pieces on it, I suggest we steer our discussion toward those pieces and not toward this particular non-entity (R.M.) and his insults.

 

I totally agree with you as I am such a raving nobhead and dirty dog is right I should really be electrocuted or something.

I cant understand why he doesnt like me !

Anyway lets not talk about me, lets talk about the most significant and brilliant writer the world has ever seen - (sorry that is me better go to another thread then) I will show you just who is cool and a good story teller and my story will kick your storys asses all the way back to walmart where you bought them.

 

DD I don't think you should be so harsh on Ronald MacDonald. He might be famous one day and could say bad things about you.

 

dont worry I have a strategy for people who are rood to me I just ignore them

 

Ronald:
If you were to start ignoring me and stop posting on my threads, I would consider it a step in the right direction. This is probably too much to hope for.
dirtydog.