Rhymes or Reason

I have a little pussy, as cute as he can be
He doesn't like hot weather
He sits upon my Knee

 

Mucky plastered
Lucky bastard

 

Is that cat talk?

 

Moonday really was very cold
Wear your fur coat, I was told

 

But with luck Tuesday will be better
so don't despair it won't get wetter
although I see it will be quite gusty
don't wear loose clothes or you'll just be
blown away by the Winter weather
oops, it's still Autumn I should've known better
than to wish the time away
and dream of coming Springtime days
when we can walk among the blossoms
almost in shirtsleeves but wool not cotton
so keep that in mind as you wander
among the Christmas lights down yonder
in the park that stretches down
from up the hill down to the pier
but Candy can take it on from here.....


Over to you Candy Gal!

 

Up the pier the wind blows cold
Not a place for those who are old
A zip wire transfer to the beach
The younger ones love it, they can teach
The Christmas Gardens are the best.
I will take photos and wear my vest. Lol

 

and when you've seen the Christmas lights
embrace the darkness of the night
then go for a walk along the prom
where's that icy wind coming from?
it gusts and blows your skirts around
you have to grab and hold them down
the wintery weather may be exciting
but it makes the warm pub more inviting
open the door and venture in
"What'll it be?"
"A large pink Gin"

 

Mother's ruin is that Gin
A glass of wine gives me a grin
Makes me sleepy too you know
Must log off, it's time to go. X

 

Here's one about comedy, what I think works and what I don't

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Funny men and not
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The door creaks open a draught sweeps in
"Ooh! It's cold!" I hear you say
"Shut that door!" now there's a thing
Larry's catchphrase brought into play
A gentle soul now long departed
still his words can linger on

the opposite of "Oi, who's farted!"
Jimmy Carr can smell the pong
he tries to keep his deadpan face
he stands it but for just so long
he knows but tries to hide it's smelly
then finally his nerve gives out
he laughs like a drainpipe on the telly
while wrinkling his famous snout

no humour and no love of place
no gentle rise, no measured pace
he butts his head into the bowl
to dredge his brand of stinking foul
excuse for humour that he's peddling
I wish he'd leave and stop his meddling

There I've said it I'm no fan
I think he should retire forthwith
give up the stage to those who can
make us laugh with gentle wit
have the good ones gone forever?
come back Morecombe come back Wise
we need you here now more than ever
to bring tears of laughter to our eyes

I could go on about the rest
the giants who shared their love of fun
we knew they'd always be the best
like Tommy Cooper, who had a good run
but when the curtain falls it seems
that even those who laughed at death
must take their final bow and leave
I even heard his final breath

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I happened to be watching Tommy Cooper on telly as he did his act live on stage in front of an audience. Suddenly he collapsed, but as he was wearing a radio mic I could hear his breathing, hear the death rattle in this throat, then silence. The audience at first thought it was part of the act, but when they heard his dying breath they too became silent. A comedy giant had passed, doing the thing that made his life worrh living, and the last sounds he heard as he slipped away would have been the audience laughing.

What a way to go?

 

i HAVE SADLY SEEN THAT TOO. XXXX

 

This one's burned up a few brain cells and calories to produce. I think I need a ball of pure gold to at least help me retrieve some of my losses!

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So there it was, the strangest sight
on the pavement a ball of pure gold
it slowly rolled from left to right
its progress was slow (it was very cold!)
but roll it did and eventually
it reached the kerbside and there it fell
into the gutter and I could see
it wasn't happy, I could tell

it first rolled one way, then rolled the other
trying to avoid the rubbish there strewn
and managed it too without too much bother
but then a storm drain hove into view
the ball began to hesitate
as though it was thinking of what to do

should it proceed or try to reverse
but this was something it couldn't rehearse
so on it went and reluctantly
it fell into the storm drain while I stood and cursed

for I could have saved it had I been quicker
but sadly my brain was in spectator mode
and I never thought to act while I lingered
watching the scene as it slowly unfolded
it was rather sad and after I pondered
on thoughts of telling others what I had seen
but who would believe me?

would you if I'd wandered
into your office or shop and declared
a gold ball had just dropped into a storm drain
and vanished from view, you'd think I was insane
and of course you'd be right for who but the mad
would see a gold ball and not try to grab it
it wouldn't be lost forever if I had
but instead would be warm and dry in my pocket

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Love it. Sorry I was so busy on my Christmas past thread. X

 

So Christmas rolls around again, and what have we gained in a year? More angst, more inconvenience, but not a lot else except experience. I've got a year older (wish I hadn't!) and my whole family has now had Covid. As expected, we all survived the virus. None of us ended up in hospital, and despite none of us having been jabbed, we've all recovered fairly well, even me at my age (71). So all in all it was just an unpleasant interlude that got in the way of being able to do other things.

And what now? Boris is on the skids for all the little things he's done to make life easier for himself, such as getting the flat in No. 10, or was it no. 11, refurbished at someone else's expense? Oh, and the Christmas party last year at No. 10, during lockdown (do as I say, not as I do!). Even the very powerful backbench 1922 Committee has turned against him for his lack of direction and leadership, and the bureaucrats who are still trying to negotiate with Brussels say that whenever a decision is needed from him, he caves in to the EU demands immediately. So much for getting Brexit done! Whichever side of the fence you're on regarding Brexit, you must agree we need to know exactly where we stand with the EU regarding fishing rights, trade, human rights, movement of people (such as tourists), etc., and Boris isn't giving anyone confidence by changing his stance all the time.

Anyway, rant over, so you can now relax and get back to putting up any last decorations or trimmings you've just found hiding behind that box of old clothes in the attic. You know, the one you were going to donate to a charity shop last year, but then, all the charity shops closed for the duration, so the box has languished, unwanted and unloved, with Christmas stuff packed away behind it in the dark and cold. "I wonder if it's still legal to kiss under the mistletoe?" you say to yourself when you find some dessicated twigs with shrivelled up berries on them, "after all, we're expected to wear masks all the time and keep up social distancing as well". So you find an old plastic bag and drop last year's mistletoe into it, then go back to rummaging around in the dusty murk to see if there's anything you can still use.

Meanwhile, the rest of the family is now starting to panic. There's only five days left and you still haven't got the turkey ordered, or the brandy sauce! Not forgetting those special thick bed socks with the built in soles you promised your mum you'd get for your dad, so that if he got up in the night he'd be able to pad around without having to find his slippers first. So it's off to the shops for one last fling, and better make it fast before they decide to lock us all down again, forcing the shops to close during their busiest period of the year, which will lead to more job losses as the shops go bankrupt. Where will it all end eh?

Perhaps we should just forget Christmas again this year like we did last year, and instead concentrate on trying to save up for that summer holiday in Spain you've been promising yourself. The cost will be double or treble what it should cost, but that's because the Continent is more or less closed to us Brits, even after taking very expensive tests all the time, and if you just go for a week, you're likely to have to stay in quarantine the whole time, so it'll only be worth going if you book for three weeks at least.

Sorry, just realised I'm ranting again and not discussing Christmas as I'd intended. Still, it's a frustration we all share so there's no point me going on about it, we're all stuck in this state of limbo till the politicians decide to grow up and treat us like the adults we are, who are capable of making our own decisions. Let's hope that this Christmas we'll get a proper present of our freedom to live our lives as we see fit, and not as our public servants order us to.

Merry Christmas, and let's just hope that 2022 will usher in a Happy, Healthy, and Prosperous New Year!



P.S. I'll try to put up another little lighthearted ditty sometime soon.

 

I see exactly what you are saying.
Happy Christmas xxxxx

 

Not exactly a humorous ditty, but I remembered the Coca Cola convoy of trucks ad and wondered about a circus type event in which one of those trucks has a Santa sitting on his high backed chair set up in the back of it. Then children can run up a ramp at the back of the truck, and go to see Santa in his mobile grotto and ask for a present. As to who pays for the present? I'm not saying, just read the poem and enjoy, or not, your choice.


The Santa Circus comes to town

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The festive trucks roll into town
all big and shiney red and brown
the first one slows and gently stops
right outside the Christmas shops
the driver lets the side walls down
as curious children gather round
and when the work at last is done
there sits Santa on his throne

the children rush to get there first
excitement makes them fit to burst
he smiles upon the scene below
the lowering ramp is oh so slow
but finally it's all in place
then just watch the children's faces

as they race to climb the ramp
lit by many coloured lamps
then line up like they'd won the Lotto
to wait to enter Santa's grotto
and one by one they sit upon
the old man's lap and then begin
to tell him all their secret wishes
the latest games to Lego bridges

as each child speaks he bends to hear
the things they whisper in his ear
the mic in Santa's hat's so near
it sends the signal loud and clear
to waiting packers out of sight
who get the toys and check they're right
for the child who's just now climbing
from Santa's lap and then in line
awaits his present from the elves
so let's just hope it's on the shelves
and when it's ready he'll be pleased
to run away desires appeased

when it's over and they've all gone
Santa lays his hat upon
the arm of his chair then he rises
tomorrow they'll be in Devizes
where he'll do the show again
an endless round of aches and pains
he's not a young man by any means
the travel kills his back and knees
and so he slowly leaves the lorry
but with good cheer, he's never sorry
to sent the children off with presents
those memories will all be pleasant

and so the circus packs and goes
headed for the distant glow
of other towns across the nation
in convoy to their destination

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Merry Christmas!!

 

So New Year's Eve rolls round again. Another year to take stock of what we've learned and what we've lost, and a chance to rally in time for the madness that will be 2022.


The Madding Crowd

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The clock strikes twelve and now it's gone
the year behind us falls away
a new one beckons, calls us on
to wake and greet a brand new day

so what's been lost and what's been gained
by all the months that slid so fast
the time that can't now been regained
and all those things that didn't last

the friends we've lost and those we've made
all crowded into consciousness
that fill our minds and now parade
before our eyes, never the less

we still have time to ponder on
our lives till now, we can reflect
on what we must focus upon
and where our life force to direct

for times are changing all the while
as we drink in the coming year
we raise our glasses as we smile
at those who've joined our party here

and soon the evening slowly winds
down into sleep and peaceful dreams
the fleeting thoughts pass through our minds
life's not so bad, or so it seems

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Happy New Year! And may we all have a good one!!

 

So, how did you get through the New Year? We watched Jools Holland for the actual countdown, then a couple of minutes later switched to BBC1 to see the fireworks, and the drones. To be honest I was more taken with the drones than with the fireworks, but that's because I've not really seen a full drone display before. It was good, and I hope we get them every year from now on as well as the fireworks. After that we switched back to Jools, then watched Glastonbury Legends till nearly 3.30am. By then we were all pretty jaded, so it was time for bed and leave the mess till morning!


The party's over

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New Year party poppers litter the floor
the glasses are empty but what to do now
do I offer more drinks or show them the door
don't want to be stingey but I don't know how

to get them to leave coz I'm so very tired
my eyes are so sore and my head is a brick
from the music so loud like a cannon's been fired
right next to my ears my brain feels so thick

should have gone to bed early, should have retired
and let them get on with it, not overexerted
my old aching body my joints are on fire
I dread the new morning I won't be alert

I'll still be just dozing up there in my bed
so pleased New Year's Day's a bank holiday now
that wasn't the case when I was a lad
when we staggered to work goodness knows how

but we did it for years till they gave us a break
so we can just rest and recuperate now
till our senses recover, our limbs cease to ache
and we look back on yesterday's stupid mistakes

the headache reminds us of our need to slake
our thirst with the liquor while trying to make
intelligent comments and wisecracks so witty
that everyone laughs till their tummies all shake

and their faces go red if they haven't already
from the booze and the leftover Christmas cake
who knows how they do it but each year they do
and you know that of course I'm referring to YOU!

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Let's hope we're all fit and ready to resume work on Tuesday, hic!

 

I was so poorly I missed this thread.

Thanks BJ XXXX

 

I'm sorry to hear you've been poorly Candy Gal. I hope you're feeling better now? Did you recover enough to enjoy New Year, or were you still feeling below par?

We had a quiet New Year evening, but after seeing the new year in with Jools we switched over to see the fireworks and the drone display. When that finished we switched back to Jools and by then we were both feeling wide awake from the tipples we'd been imbibing, and we ended up staying up to watch the Glastonbury Legends programme that went on till gone 3am. Mind you, next morning neither of us felt much like getting up to welcome the new day in. My head was pounding somewhat, and my tummy was a little delicate. All better now though, and the Jameson's was very nice!

Anyway, I hope you're back to your normal happy self, and I look forward to seeing your comments and poems in this coming year.

All the best,

BJ

 

I was in hospital for New Year's Eve.
Still trying to catch up on that. X