Remember me?

Discussion in 'Coming Out and Confused!' started by pianoperson60, Sep 8, 2005.

  1. pianoperson60

    pianoperson60 Senior Member

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    Remember me? The one who had German boyfriend how had to leave back for Germany nearly two months ago?
    Well, I recall there being requests for me to keep you guys posted as to any devlopments.
    So here I am for a development...and sadly, the last one.

    Well, after he left, although we stayed in contact as best we could, though it was limited as he's a nurse (extensive works hours=short emails), there was much uncertainty between us. Basically, I was wondering, "HOW THE HELL DOES HE FEEL?" and he was wondering "HOW THE HELL DO I FEEL?"
    Well, he's figured it out.
    And I got a nice long letter in the mail from Germany today.

    He doesn't love me. He likes me.
    He doesn't want me as a partner. He wants me as a friend.

    I can't quite go too further into explaining his reasoning for feeling this way, but I understand him completely, and plan to stay in contact with him still, and will see him when I'm in Europe next.

    But any hopes for a future, boyfriend-wise, between us, is over.

    Am I sad?
    Not even I know the answer to that right now. In fact, I'm trying to explain to myself why I have this positive feeling occuring in my chest right now, one as though a weight is being lifted off of it. Maybe I feel "free."

    But anywho, I thought I'd update you guys...
    Thanks for always being here to listen...
  2. Obituary~Birthday

    Obituary~Birthday Member

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    well, as you don't even know how you feel yet, i'm not quite sure what to say.

    maybe the positive feeling is because you no longer have to worry about what is or isn't going. you know now. its better to know, instead of assume.

    anyway, if you are sad, or get sad, then you have my comfort, all squeezed into a little ball and shot through a straw over to your current place of residence:p
  3. SageDreamer

    SageDreamer Senior Member

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    Hi Dylan,

    The good news is that you got a *nice* and *long* letter. Some guys just drop you by not contacting you any more. It could have been far worse. He wants you as a friend, and he has been decent enough about it. In a sense, you're lucky because he is so far away and you're not running into him all the time.

    Please continue to post. I want you to be happy, and I want to hear when you find someone who does want to be your partner. I'm sure it will happen.
  4. txbarefooter

    txbarefooter Senior Member

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    Howdy Dylan,

    Well, it sucks that he just "wants to be friends", but hey, like Sage said, at least you did hear back from him and he was honest about his feelings. I've had the "no contact from the guy" before and that really bites the big one.

    I am glad you have such a positive outlook on this, especially for one your age (no offense meant) .. many who are much older wouldn't be that positive. AND you have an honest friend .. you can't ask for more. Please do keep in touch.

    peace out,
  5. pianoperson60

    pianoperson60 Senior Member

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    yeah...I'm feeling sorta better, but you know, in all cases, I am having thsoe flashbacks to intimate moments between us two, and it really hurts knowing that those things now mean nothing, in a sense. I know that what i felt for him was love, but what he felt for me, he thinks now, wasn't love. Oh well, you can't force anyone to feel a certainw ay for oyu. But nevertheless, it still sucks.

    But now I atleast have room to heal, and move on. Before the letter, I was going in circles, as far as healing goes. I would feel better, then fall back into the depression again...and then id feel better, then back into depression, becuse of how much i missed him, and the loneliness I felt not being near him. Now atleast, I can date someone else (not that there is anyone ot date, but like others have said, who knows when I'll run into the special someone?) without feeling guilty, and I can move on...but thats not to say I won't still email him each week!

    Jeez, I've sure learnt about the beauty and dangers of love...and I must say that love is pretty fucking wild.

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