relationship dilemma

Discussion in 'Lesbian' started by peaceful420, Jun 5, 2004.

  1. peaceful420

    peaceful420 Member

    I've been with the same girl for nearly 2 years, and we just started having problems w/in the past month, month and a half. She told me she was questioning if she was sexually attracted to girls, and if she was into the whole sex thing. A month earlier, she was telling me how much she loved fucking me and was always wanting to do something sexual w/me. I have no idea what changed her mind, but she's been hanging out w/guys (ONLY guys) for awhile, and I think the attention they give her might have something to do wih it. Has this ever happened with anyone else? It's just so important to me because I love her so much. She loves me too, but you just can't spontaneously stop being sexually attracted to girls... can you??? Please help.
  2. I feel for you on the whole "dealing with questioning girls" thing. Who do they think they are, that the main purpose of their relationship with you is to find themselves sexually?

    I don't mean that quite as harshly as it sounds, becuase of course that's not the intention. But I'm in a similar (although we're not sexual, more emotionally bonded for the time being) relationship where she can't decide whether or not she's attracted to girls. We initially became close because she was sure she was a lesbian, and now it's so hard to figure out.

    I recommend you tell her that although her sexual identity is an important thing to come to terms and be comfortable with, she should still be dealing with you as a lover with complicated emotional feelings - she can't simply take a little break to decide if you fall into the correct sexual category for her. The relationship needs to be worked out as its own unique relationship, not as it pertains to one girl's self-discovery.

    See the difference? I hope that helps.
  3. peaceful420

    peaceful420 Member

    Thanks so much. I've tried so hard to talk to her about it, and I don't think she's quite getting the fact that we don't need sex to still love each other. I've tried so many different ways of telling her, but it's like talking to a three-year-old. Honestly...
  4. *MsOgynist*

    *MsOgynist* Member

    It sounds to me like she's unsure of her sexuality. Is she 16 too? Sometimes at that age it can be quite difficult to be sure especially with all the peer pressure to conform and fear of parents finding out. I met my current gf when we were both 16 (though both of us had previous same sex relationships). It's only in the last year that we've both had the confidence in our choice to let our friends and parents know and I'm telling you it was bloody daunting for both of us. Only time will tell for her.

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