relationship decision

this is soooo true. we've actually talked about this.

lol you guys are all bringing up good points damnit, now im almost even more confused, but its probably for the best

so far everyone ive talked to (non-HF friends included), it seems like the general concensus is that we need a break....

 

Again. Either a break, or a FAIR open relationship. You don't want a chump for a boyfriend anyway.

 

fo shizzy.

 

a break sounds healthy. obviously you need it. sometimes, after a break.. relationships are even better.. cause you've realized how much you love and miss the other person so much, you realize it even better (if not realize it at all) no one comes even close to them, in the end..

 

true true...if you love something let it go and all that

honestly i wouldnt mind a break, its just reallllyyy bad timing for it at the moment. we live together...how to you break from your live-in partner?
neither of us can afford to move out..and itsl ike halfway through the semester. i wouldnt kick him out, that would be evil.

 

well if you can manage to live together then that's great.. might make things difficult though..

 

haha yes, in this situation at least.

we've been living together almost 2 yrs. honestly hes a great roommate and it would be so hard to live with anyone else. i wouldnt mind living alone though sometimes.

 

we all need our space..

 

Yeah, I don't think you can have your cake and eat it too and still be happy and proud of yourself.

I wouldn't stray if I were you. I've never seen it work out in the end.

 

me and my lover are polyamorous, so it's a given our relationship is open. completely open. but of course with lots of communication!

it's interesting though... we live together too, and as we need our space, we kind of turn into roommates for a while... and then we'll get lover-ly again, and its all ok. for a while he slept on the couch because it was hard to sleep in the same bed/room, since we felt much more roomate-ness. and then it lasted so long, that we cleaned out the spare room and turned it into his bedroom. so now we have separate bedrooms, and the relationship is a lot better in a lot of ways.

sounds like you lean towards polyamory pink floyd... and i think you owe it to yourself to explore that. whether it's with an open relationship, or a break from your boyfriend. and even if you take a break, i think it's possible to live together and just be roommates. it's all about good communication, in my experience. but pm me if you want to talk more about all of this!

i know it's kind of a tough, emotional thing to go through... figuring all this stuff out... what you want, what works for you, trying not to get hurt or hurt anyone else...
**BIG HUGS** you will be okay, no matter what ends up happening for you... 'cause you are awesome!

 

just please.. if you have sex with different partners.. use condoms and get tested..

 

always. for sure. ima clean girl. i wouldnt do anything to hurt shawn :/

 

Thank you so much for this. you sound ALOT like me. i really appreciate your input. I'll probably be PMing you sometime, LOL. Its always good to hear advice from both sides of the coin, ya know?
:hug: much love.

 

hey pink floyd
I'm nakedtreehugger's lover and I'd say that whatever it feels like is in you to do, do. Advice is great and everybody is going to tell you what you should want, what most people want, what your grandparents and joe down the street think you should want but really the ONLY people that really count in this decision are you and your fella. And really the most important person is you. Do what it is that you want and feel like you need to do. Fuck the rest.

 

that...is...awesome. i totally agree. thank you. :hug:

 

If the openness does end up resulting in sexual relationships(for both of you), how would you feel if he couldn't perform with you when you are really horny, due to the physical exertions of a previous encounter?

I know that you say he's not jealous, but that's only at the idea, not the reality. I think, if you two continued living together and he had to sit through what DancerAnnie is going through in the other thread, that could very well change.

I personally would recommend a break.

Good Luck.

 

Yeah. My ideal for long-term relationships would be taking breaks every once in a while, and clearly delineated personal space and shared space.

Sometimes I feel monogamous, other times frisky.

 

my ideal for a long-term relationship is having no ideals.

 

I thought you didn't want a long-term relationship anyway.

P.S. I didn't mean ideal like something written in stone or too cerebral and rigid and unachievable. There is still plenty of room for spontaneity and improv within flexible boundaries.

But I definetely want boundaries.

 

true, not at the moment. but who knows what I'll want in the future.