Recovering from Infidelity?

My boyfriend whom I've only been dating for 3 months has a close relationship with his ex whom he told me he had no feelings for, I just found out a few days ago that they slept together. I was really hurt and I didn't think I'd ever be able to forgive him or look at him the same. We are working on it slowly but I'm just not sure how to recover or how to trust him again. I know that him and his ex will always have a relationship and it's come to the point where I've asked him to choose between me or her. I don't think he can or knows how. And I'm just not sure I can trust him or if I should just move on.

 

Just walk. Really.

 

My advice is move on

 

Sounds like its time to peace out on that relationship.

 

Under different circumstances, I'd say try to work it out. 3 months though? Just walk away.

 

You have to consider your feelings before this happened. Did you think he could be the one? Is there something there you want? Only you can truely feel what you should do. Be careful taking advice from people that have no investment in you and your life. Please think before you jump into action.
Good luck

 

Well they got married because he moved here from Mexico. It was an agreement so he could get his papers and he originally told her that he had no plans on staying with her. She was okay with this, she was just doing it as a friend. They've known eachother for years and he says that she has done so much for him and helped him out a lot. So that's how I know that the two of them will always be friends, they'll always have a close relationship.

I didn't know about her when I first met him. He claims that the reason he lied so much in the beginning is because he knew I wouldn't go out with him if I knew the truth, which is true, I would have never gone out with him if I had known he was married. Slowly all these lies start to unravel and one by one I forgive him for them. I had talked to his wife when I found out about her, she actually found me and told me about it. She said that everything was true, that they only got married so he could get his papers. One day I was just sitting here watching tv and he just rolled out of bed and went to her house and decided to have sex with her I guess. I don't know if she seduced him or what the hell happened or why he did it but he says he is in love with me and this heart is with me and that he just wasn't thinking when it happened. He said it wouldn't happen again. I don't know what to think or what to do.

 

Well, contrary to what a majority of people believe, infidelity is not a cut and dry situation. My advice after reading that post, is to think with your head and not your heart. Acting on feelings alone doesn't always take us down the right path. Contemplate your relationship and your future, and base your decision off if that.

 

While I see the wisdom in this...I still say you should walk away but my opinion is just that....one opinion.

 

You're still supposed to be in the honeymoon phase after 3 months. You shouldn't have to be dealing with that many lies and infidelity. Obviously it is up to you. I would be very leery of putting my heart on the line with someone who is willing to lie about pretty much everything from the get go. It's not even so much about the infidelity as it is the disrespect of lying.

 

Fuck that, he lied and misrepresented himself. He doesn't even have his life together.. that kind of guy will continue to do what he wants then say what he thinks you need to hear. If you aren't cool with him having sex with other chicks, move on.

 

Regardless of what any of us think, OP do what's best for you.

 

Well, she's on here asking for opinions. That's mine.

 

I wasn't singling you out. I was referring to all of us.

 

Quitting is the easiest, forgiving takes work.

 

I guess you and I look at this differently. I see it as respecting yourself, plenty of people who won't lie about fundamental life matters then fuck someone else 3 months into the relationship.

I don't even think you can really love someone after 3 months. Well, you can. But infatuation or dependency are much more likely. So what's the point?

 

I'm all for people giving each other another shot if they think it's worth it, but this statement alone makes me think you should move on. He just rolled outta bed and went and did it? that's fucked up.

 

Oof. Ain't that the truth. Sadly, often times people are repeat offenders, which of course makes a majority of the population jaded about it. For good reason, no one wants they're heart to be broken. IMO, lies and/or infidelity are absolutely horrid acts in a relationship whether you've been together 3 months or 3 decades. On very rare occasion, forgiveness is worth the risk.

 

Yeah it's a mess. I can forgive after time, I still think about why he did it, how it happened, I picture him with her so that alone takes some recovering. I can end it all and deal with the pain or I can forgive and hope that I don't have to deal with the pain later. I don't know anymore. I guess I just need to think about it, clear my mind and make a wise decision.

 

The first two nights after everything came out, he was really attentive and he stayed with me and always let me know what he was doing and what he was up to. I don't want to be the crazy girl that has to worry and track her boyfriend and all that bullshit. I just want to trust someone and after something like this, he has to teach me that I can trust him. By the third night he called me and said a friend was visiting from out of state and if I would be alright with him hanging out with him. I immediately got defensive because I felt like he was lying. I think he just wanted an excuse to go see his wife. I called him out on it and he got upset and said "is it always going to be like this". I just don't understand why he expects me to trust him after few days. I think it takes work and it takes time and I don't want to keep him from his friends or be that type of girl but I expected him to understand. He didn't end up going out, he came back with me and didn't say a word to me all night. Neither of us got any sleep. I know he didn't cause he was tossing and turning and he kept sitting up.