Recovering from addicition

Discussion in 'Recovery' started by wisp, Jan 3, 2012.

  1. wisp

    wisp Member

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    hi,
    I am a alcoholic , i have been sober now for 17 years but not a day goes by that i dont think about it . It cost me two marriages ,i never saw my children growing up and now they barely know as those bridges never heal, countless jobs ,furniture, cars and my self respect through drink . I was drinking everyday from when the bars opened till it was home time , if i had no money i would pawn posessions , borrow , lie ,cheat and steal just to get money to get drunk .

    If you have been there or are there , no matter what the addiction that you are recovering from please lets stand together and support each other , we cant do it alone .

    Open your heart it will cleanse your spirit

    Thanks to stinkfoot for creating this forum :sunny:
     
  2. lovelyxmalia

    lovelyxmalia Banana Hammock Lifetime Supporter

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    My father was a functioning alcoholic. He drank from the moment he got outta work until he passed out at night.

    It took him getting pancreatic cancer (which they think the drinking may have been a factor in his illness) for him to quit. For the few months he lived after his diagnosis, I got to know my father - the REAL him without the beer and bar rooms.

    Its a wonderful thing that you've found the strength to give it up. I give you a lot of credit, as I know alcohol is one of the toughest to let go since its so readily available to anyone.

    How did you manage your recovery?
     
  3. wisp

    wisp Member

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    as i said in your thread , it was all due to current wife , i dont what made me give it up -maybe it was something as simple as love , maybe i really dont know , i wish i did know the magic cure cause then i would bottle it and give it to every recovering addict
     
  4. stinkfoot

    stinkfoot truth

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    Glad to help any way I can.

    My dad was an alcoholic. My interest is likely motivated by a desire to understand what he went through. Over the past couple years I've been in an intensive dialog with a recovering (3 years!!) addict and I have learned so much about the aspects of addiction that non-addicts share. The wisdom offered by support groups could be so useful to people who aren't dealing with an addiction- I've begun to learn a few things about myself with respect to my own spiritual path.
     
  5. wisp

    wisp Member

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    The most difficult thing about be a recovering alcoholic is that it is so easliy avaiable .Tv , magazines, bombared us with adverts about how cool alcohol is . If you can drink and handle it great , i salute you , i cant.. You are constantly fighting within yourself , doing anything you can to try not and think about it , i threw myself into reading , collecting movies , gardening sports anything just to keep the mind busy .Some try religion , whatever helps you through you do it

    Sociallising is a nightmare , i am the one with the problem not my mates so how can i ask them not drink around me .Some days it's so fuckin hard and others are easy its difficult to write what you go through , but i hope others post and share .We need each other more than you know
     
  6. lovelyxmalia

    lovelyxmalia Banana Hammock Lifetime Supporter

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    stinkfoot, I feel I am in the same boat as you in many ways, since my father was an alcoholic and most of my relatives are alcoholics, also.

    After my father's second OUI, I had attended many AA meetings with him and listened to a lot of the stories from the people there....one man had been attending the meetings daily for over 30 years.

    Although I had my run with addiction, alcohol has always and will always scare me, based on what it did to my father and what I grew up with.
     
  7. stinkfoot

    stinkfoot truth

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    I am VERY fortunate to have eluded addiction to alcohol as I went through a drinking phase of my own for a couple decades but when the time came I was able to walk away from it in the spirit of putting down a hobby that had become boring. Again, I consider myself to be extraordinarily lucky in that sense. I was placed in foster care at 14 because of the nature of my dad's abuse- he died less than two years after that but I was kept in the foster home for very good reason. I lucked out so much. many "lesson grenades" were planted... tidbits of wisdom that I didn't immediately reflect in my decision making through my 20's and into my 30's but when I did start thinking things through those old nuggets of wisdom began to make sense.

    I have profited immensely in having such a positive ongoing dialog with an addict so solid into his recovery (OneLifeForm) in that it has furnished me with a perspective through which I have been able to reprocess a lot of old resentments and to gain some understanding of what my dad was going through. The resentments are gradually being replaced by compassion. Now I'm working through some books concerning Buddhist teachings about subjects I could use remediation with: anger, happiness...

    My luck in evading substance addiction makes me hesitant to delve too deeply into the topics here- akin to being a guest in an NA meeting and taking up time speaking at length- though there's not the time constraints here that exist in a physical group meeting that would have me taking the floor away from someone who more needs the group support- so I guess I'm bending protocol here in that sense. I guess that it should be a consensus of you guys whether a technical "non-addict" is to be included in the discussion and whether this take on the function of a NAR-ANON or AL-ANON facet.

    We could also create sub-forums to address the different needs.

    An aside... I haven't seen/heard the abbreviation "OUI" since moving from Maine in '86. :)
     
  8. lovelyxmalia

    lovelyxmalia Banana Hammock Lifetime Supporter

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    We actually say "DUI" here but I know that everyone else uses "OUI" so I figured I'd make it easily understandable to everyone else haha!

    I think being able to teach non-addicts is a great thing...let them see what CAN happen while they are out partying or when they think their drug use is only social and they don't NEED it...because that's how I started....I didn't think it was a physical NEED until I got to the point where getting out of bed required a substance.

    I have been a "group leader" for many rape victims - mostly children and young teens. And I always made it a point to discuss my drug use and drug addiction, to warn them of what can happen or what they might run to in order to cope. Every case is different, of course, however, most of the people I interacted with in rape discussion groups had told me they resorted to drugs/drinking in order to cope later on in life.

    Teaching the non-addicts is essential, I believe....even to those who say they will never touch the stuff...everyone knows/has known someone that has been down that road and I know a lot of people who want to understand, like you do stinkfoot.

    And being able to find compassion with your father's addiction is crucial. I always hated my father for putting working/drinking before his kids. However, the older I get, the more I understand his drinking habit and the more I've become like him with my working habits.

    I will always see my addiction as a weakness...that was my weak period. I know its different for most, however, I like looking at it that way because I feel as if I can find strength now that I don't have that "crutch." My father's addiction was not his weakness, it was his lifestyle....a lifestyle he couldn't control and he couldn't find a reason to stop...he could not relax unless he had a drink. I empathize with that, since I have a hard time relaxing, also.

    There is almost always a deep,underlying issue that leads to addiction. Identifying the issues and finding healthy ways to confront the problems and make the most of them is crucial. I believe teaching that to non-addicts is essential. Everyone must know the difference between running from the problems and facing them head-on.
     
  9. stinkfoot

    stinkfoot truth

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    Addiction is indeed a weakness but my sense is that addicts who have taken on the monumental and lifelong task of recovery are summoning a type of strength that most non-addicts cannot fathom. That strength must exceed the weakness and must endure permanently. The chemistry I felt while attending meetings went far deeper than camaraderie... it's family.
     
  10. wisp

    wisp Member

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    @ stinkfoot , as a father who put his kids through the same hell as you went through i can only say , i am deeply sorry for what you went through.it must be been a nightmare

    @my beautiful co-member lovelyxmalia , after i read your story i was filled with sadness , anger and joy .I understand why you went down the path you did , i cannot imagine what it must be like to go through went you endured , you are one very strong person to come out the otherside of it and be ok

    @onelifeform - you are a insperation to us all , and i salute you .

    The road to recovery is not easy. It is probably one of the most painful both physically and emotional things that a person can go through. I can’t speak for everyone but I can imagine we all go through the same.

    The physical for me include the shakes, nausea, sweats, dizziness, blurred vision, the emotional is even worse, poured on by the physical you know that you could make your self all better by just one drink, just one little drink wont do anyone any harm but it will make the pain go away, also major moods swings, anger, guilt, depression.

    I used to mix drink with prescription meds , molypaxins/zyprexa/prozac and any other anti depressant as well as pain meds , I really cant remember all the names there were so many that I could con some doctor into prescribing something. It was easy getting meds, I used to have 3 doctors and as I have PTSD it was easy to get what I needed, there are plenty of chemists/drugstore so you just spread the scripts around, also thinz slimming tabs which work like E if you take enough at one time and those you could buy of the shelve, if you didn’t have enough money for booze, benilyn cough syrup works just as well, stealing alcohol swabs out doctors room and mixing them with coke works to. I was drinking at least 12 beers a day plus a bottle of either vodka, brandy , whisky or what ever I could my hands on , I drink it straight no mix .

    Now imagine stopping taking that combo cold turkey after do it for 19 years and you can imagine what happens to you, addiction is a weakness but to recover IMO you got to have guts , you have got to be so strong it’s just not funny .

    Addicts are selfish , we are only concerned out the drink or hit whatever your poison was , we never see what we are doing to the ones we love , its not that we don’t care its just that the need to escape from the hell we are going through inside our heads is a stronger driving force .I drank to feel normal or to obtain my idea of normality because being drunk and high was normal for me .

    The first step though is admitting to yourself that you have a problem , admitting that you are a alcoholic/addict is the biggest thing that you can do , once you have admit and realized that you have a problem only then can the healing process beginning . No one can force to admit, no one can admit for you this is a decision that you have make freely.

    I went to AA, I followed the 12 step program, and I recovered. I am and always will be an alcoholic, but a sober one.

    The healing process is different for everyone, for me the most difficult was trying to rebuild my relationships with my kids, I messed up their lives too, big time .They really want nothing to do with me and I have learnt to live with that, it’s hard but you cant destroy someone’s life and expect them to accept you back with open arms.

    I accept who I am; I deal with what I went through in my life with my father,the death of my parents while i was in school, the army and all the rest of my baggage differently. I still have PTSD but I try to throw myself into things that take my mind off it when things get bad. I am happy with me and happy with my life as it is now. I have ,like everyone ,my good days and bad days .I am under doctors supervision and take my meds responsibly , my wife sees to that .

    I am sorry for what I did, I am sorry for the pain I caused , but I am not sorry who I have become .One day the wounds will heal, but to quote Trent Reznor

    "if i could start again
    a million miles away
    i would keep myself
    i would find a way "
     
  11. stinkfoot

    stinkfoot truth

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    I think that if I could speak with my dad face to face I'd tell him that there's no need to be sorry because without the experience I'd have had no cause to dig as deeply as I did to summon the courage to forgive him. While I wouldn't wish my past on anyone I'm oddly thankful that I went through it... plus it's a component in what has inspired me to seek my own spiritual journey. All that we see as ourselves, the flesh, identity, experiences will fall away. What will be left is the effect they will have had on us and the power to make it into something positive is entirely ours... our actions.

    Thank you. :)
     
  12. jimmyjoe1

    jimmyjoe1 toker Lifetime Supporter

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    very true stinkefoot. im a recovering alcoholic off the drink for about four years..life is good.
    I was getting allot of AA meetings. now i get one meeting keeps my thinking clean from booze. it was allot of hard work getting to know myself. but it was worth every day..
     
  13. wisp

    wisp Member

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    Jimmyjoe congrats on the 4 years sober , congrats on taking your life back :2thumbsup:.What made you decide to stop drinking ?
     
  14. jimmyjoe1

    jimmyjoe1 toker Lifetime Supporter

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    Thank you wisp. my two brothers just like me are alcoholics one brother was found dead in an apartment..died from alcohol.me and my brother found him..it was so sad he was a lovely guy..I don't real know the real reason i got out of the hell of alcoholism...maby sick of been sick..but i was badly beaten.spiritually and mentally and physically broken. so i often think the drink gave me up..either way my life is so much better and my family benefit too...
    I never want to forget where I'm coming from..it was hell.
     
  15. wisp

    wisp Member

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    i can imagine what finding your brother must have done to you , its a terrible tragedy to lose a love one ..strongs bro .Getting sober is no easy job -so kudos to you for that , welcome back from hell .
     
  16. jimmyjoe1

    jimmyjoe1 toker Lifetime Supporter

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    Thanks man. yeah sometimes i feel that looking at my brother dead from the same shit i was doing...gave me strength i wanted to get Help.
     
  17. lovelyxmalia

    lovelyxmalia Banana Hammock Lifetime Supporter

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    It sounds like you made the right choice since the "alcohol gene" runs in your blood.

    The best part of recovery is discovering yourself and who you are without the substance. I'm glad you didn't let it own you and you quit before you got to the point of your brother...

    I know a few people who died from alcoholism...my uncle is on his way there, also. He was diagnosed with the early stages of cirrhosis of the liver a few years back...I'm sure he's really sick now since he won't put the drinks down...

    Its scary to know what drugs and drinking can do to our bodies - leading up to death...
     
  18. jimmyjoe1

    jimmyjoe1 toker Lifetime Supporter

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    ^ thanks. yeah its a slow suicide..verry true the "alcohol gene" is in my family. my dad also was alcoholic..i don't remember him though he died before i was born"long story"
    sorry about your uncle, who knows he might get the message..hope he quits they say in AA there are no hopeless cases..i tough i was one but i was proving wrong.
    true the best part. discovering myself and realizing i wasnt bad / mad.just sick getting well.
     

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