I'm feeling used by a lot of people. I'm very resourceful, quick and responsible and I think people take advantage of it. If I know someone has a problem, I feel I have to help, like I have no choice. Since the world is weighing on my shoulders, I just want to be alone. It's a feeling that if I'm close to others, I'll end up having to deal with their issues and solve their problems. I feel alone. I'm doing a lot for others, but they do nothing for me. Then I'm thinking I'm actually depressed and my depression is giving me a distorted view of reality. I'm dreaming of leaving home, buying a small flat, or house just for one to live in peace and quiet. But is it me wanting that, or am I really depressed and I don't really want to be alone? I'm thinking aloud, here. I know you can't diagnose me just like that. Writing posts like this when I'm in a deep well helps me see things more clearly. Sometimes the input of complete strangers helps me put things into perspective and find a way out. I should learn to say no, but when I do, I feel unbearably guilty. Feeling guilty makes me help people and solve their problems, but I'm a very egotistical, individualistic person. Or am I? I feel very guilty I'm thinking of people like weights I'm having to drag around and from which I want to run away.
You don't sound depressed to me. You sound like you perceive injustice and are looking for a healthy way to deal with it.
There is a difference in clinical and situational depression. When you're truly depressed you feel depressed even when your situation would warrant happiness in a mentally healthy person. Whereas if your situation is making you depressed, making a big change should make you feel better.
Sometimes when there is a lot going on with us we have to guess which direction is up. What I mean is you have to choose for yourself as you would choose for, say, a child, or a retarded person. You must choose what would be good as if for someone else in order to decide that which would be best for you. I hope that helps you.
