I recently divorced after 25 years of married life with my high school sweet heart. It came out of the blue as she mentioned to me that she likes lesbian sex and she needs out. I am devastated and cannot explain it. Any suggestions to win her back?
First off, I'm sorry for your loss. It sucks to lose someone you love, especially after all those years and memories! You know what they say: "If you love someone, set them free. If they come back they’re yours; if they don’t they never were." You can't force her to come back. Just be supportive and kind and hope for the best.
Thanks for your kind words. Agree with you as not much I can do. Just need to move on and support my 2 lovely boys as they are confused and totally devastated. Al least they will have few weeks before the start of the new academic year to adjust to a new life of a single dad with 2 teenage boys.
I'm sorry that this happened. I agree that trying to get her back would be a mistake. If you've got physical placement of the kids, she should at least be paying child support, as well as taking responsibility for caring for your kids.
Yes I have full custody of my kids. I do not really need any support from her. She will have visiting rights and can help the boys if she want to. I am better now and starting to think about my future without her. I am still in my 40s and can move on without any bitterness or hard feelings toward her and who knows I might meet a special lady. We had a good run together and she gave me 2 smart and wonderful boys and I am grateful.
Fortunately you seem to have a very balanced view about the whole situation. Hopefully you will retain a friendship with your ex, there is nothing to be gained from bitterness. What surprises me the most, is the way that she has abandoned the boys. Coupled with the hurt, their will also be confusion about her revealed orientation. At such an impressionable age, it is the last thing they need.
You can never cross the same river twice. Everything changes, nothing remains the same. Inevitably, she is not the same woman you married 25 years ago, and you are not the same man. For a time you both coalesced, and as beautiful as that time might have been, like all things, it was as impermanent as summer wildflowers. In their wilting, they're not "bad" or "wrong", they're simply being true to their nature of impermanence. So too with marriages; for who you both were 25 years ago, marriage my have been absolutely the right thing to do. For who you both are now, divorce may be the best choice. It's not necessarily anyone's fault; it just is. As difficult as it may be, accept it. Any effort to"win her back" is probably akin to standing in the middle of the river and trying to force it to flow uphill, with an identical chance of success. This can't have been an easy decision for her, either. Probably your best bet is not to make it even harder, but to let her go with grace; with sincere compassion and loving-kindness, and deep, sincere gratitude for the quarter century, more than a quarter of her life, that she shared with you. Of all the people in the world with whom to share that precious gift, she chose you. Never forget that. Be sure to save a good quantity of that compassion for yourself, too; you've suffered a grievous loss, very akin to a death; the deaths of dreams, hopes, and plans for the future. Honor yourself and take all the time you need to grieve your loss, and rather than try and rebuild the past, learn it's lessons and look to your future instead. So much of our suffering is self-inflicted; clinging to the ghost of something we deeply, with the core of our being, wanted to be permanent, which it could never have been. Don't let your tears for the past blind you to the beauty that surrounds you today. I wish you solace and deep, deep peace.
Thanks for the wise words and advice. I am at peace with what happened and started my healing process and I am getting counselling as well. It was not an easy decision for her to ask for a divorce rather than hiding it and keeping the marriage going. My kids are off to uni in one month and I am planning to take sabbatical leave for couple of months and travel
