RE: "Check your partner before it's too late"

Discussion in 'Love and Sex' started by IdentityCrisis, Sep 5, 2005.

  1. IdentityCrisis

    IdentityCrisis Member

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    In regards to the thread that was on this board, I would like to say the following. I'm not advertising anything, so I see no reason for this thread to get locked. Before I digress, I would just like to say that these are my opinions and are completely made vulnerable for a debate for anyone who is willing. I just thought that people should have an alternative to look at before they start getting negative vibes. People deserve to be able to trust and feel good. So here goes.

    That was an absolutely horrible thread. How can you live with yourself while instilling fear and mistrust in individuals who read that? You should be ashamed of yourself. If you maintain excellent communication with your partner, you're not going to be the last (or first) one to find out anything. If you suspect your partney might be being unfaithful, you should talk to him or her. If you still can't trust him or her, you shouldn't be in a relationship at all unless you seriously want to work on it. If you find out (s)he is, infact, cheating on you, you know that (s)he's a piece of trash and you can easily move on my reassuring yourself of that fact. But to tell everyone they should actually look for signs of cheating is just making people think that they are. So what if someone changes their style? I change my style all the time. Does that mean I'm a potential cheater? So what if someone has a private phone conversation. Individuals still need privacy. What if it's not an affair but really a planning of a surprise party for their anniversary? An e-mail that you don't have access to?! ARE YOU SERIOUS? Have you ever heard of the law that says it's illegal to open someone else's mail?? If you're in a relationship where you need to monitor e-mail, you do not have a trusting one and need to work on it a lot more!! Lied to about little things? Not enough trust there. Again, if your company seems to be being avoided and you don't trade intelligent conversation, you need to COMMUNICATE, COMMUNICATE, COMMUNICATE!!! Ask why, tell how you feel, listen to how he or she feels, work on a solution TOGETHER. It's a RELATIONSHIP afterall. If your spouse spends hours and hours in on-line chatrooms, he or she is freaking bored. You guys should go for a walk, or a drive, or a swim together. Do something. Don't just let each other get so bored you fall out of love. If it gets to the point where it upsets you that your partner is going on on-line chatroom for so long, either do something about it, or you have nothing to whine about! The relationship would obviously going down hill and you either fix it or don't whine when something bad happens. Oh no! The passenger seat in the car? IN A DIFFERENT POSITION!? This is a TOTAL SIGN OF!!............... someone else sitting in the car. Oh , but of course , to this thread, it is an indication that someone else was sitting in the car ... AND THAT THAT SOMEONE IS HAVING AN AFFAIR WITH YOUR PARTNER! How ridiculous!!! If when you answer the phone and the other side hangs up.. there is a simple procedure. Block the number and tell your partner that it's happening. Also, COMMUNICATE. If your partner has a separate bank account you didn't know about, ask why, tell how it makes you feel, etc, etc,. Freaking communication, people! The credit card one might be a sign, but don't go looking for it. However, just because you can't recall it doesn't mean it didn't happen, or that your partner when to a restaurant with some buddies and bought items for him or herself or you. If there's a sudden increase in your phone bill, COMMUNICATE with your partner about it, and then check to see if there's a mistake or why it's going up so fast with the company. Sudden increases can be caused if you or him/her both talk to your mothers on Mother's Day long distance and Fathers for Father's Day long distance (4 long distance phone calls in one month, and this can be applied to many holidays too. it can also mean that he might be talking to his buddy an entire sports game about the results, or that she is talking to her girlfriend about the latest movie they saw together and about the actor or WHATEVER. The point is, phone bills mean virtually nothing). Decreased interest in having sex with you? Make it exciting then. It's probably just gotten boring. Try some new locations, new positions. Whatever. Now, if he or she joins a gym instead of being a couch potato, GOOD FOR HIM OR HER!! I mean, that means that they're feeling a little less lazy and little more enthusiastic. This is a GOOD THING. I, myself, have spent years as a couch potato and just recently started exercising myself. Does that make me a cheater? NO! It means I got sick of the way I was. It's an interpersonal decision, in no way inflicted by some potential affair! My mom's cellphone is switched off when I try to phone her a lot of the time too. Does that mean she's out having sex with some guy at a motel? NO! It means either she has run out of minutes, run out of battery power, is in a meeting where cell phones must be turned off, is at work and doesn't want to be distrubed, is driving and doesn't want to be disturbed, ETC. God. I can't believe how much you are digging. Do you know how many people are going to read this and think, "Oh my goodness, I think my partner may be cheating. Several of these things have happened to us."? Well, let me tell you, plenty of these can be fully explained in many ways and in full detail and it might have nothing to do with cheating at all. Sure, cheating is ONE THING it could be but it's completely unfair to say that just because there's a small chance of cheating in these scenerios, you should be suspicious. That's bullshit. You should be suspicious if AFTER you communicate THOROUGHLY, over a NUMBER of weeks, and he or she still doesn't want to cooperate with you. As for the inattentive to you thing, COMMUNICATE AND MAKE THINGS A BIT MORE FUN. go out. do things. talk about issues in the paper. anything. As for the whole "redial" thing... do you know how many people have business cards? We live in a global community and businesses are linked. He or she could have been phoning a business associate or a plumber he or she ran into. To assume that he or she is cheating is insecure, and mistrusting. If your partner picks fights with you and tries to leave, you don't accuse him or her of cheating, you accuse him or her of being an immature little brat who needs to grow the fuck up. Also, you need to communicate those feelings in an efficient manner. If your partner says you're paranoid, there are tthree answers I can come up with for that. 1) You are paranoid, 2) (S)He's a power-hungry, degrader who you should have nothing to do with if all he or she wants to do is make you feel inadequate, 3) He or she is cheating. Now there's a 33.3% of cheating, a 33.3% of a bad relationship, and 33.3% that you're a paranoid fuck who needs to start communicating, and thus trusting.

    I appreciate how at the end you said that they're no where near real proof, but how can you profit on making people feel uneasy about their relationships? This thread is the biggest joke ever. If you feel someone is cheating and are too shy to do anything about it, you obviously don't feel comfortable enough around your partner and have a weak relationship. You might as well end it, unless you want to toughen up and talk about it like a mature adult.

    That's my two cents.
  2. IdentityCrisis

    IdentityCrisis Member

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    Oh, and this is the post I was referring to:

    What are the signs of cheating?

    He/she receives phonecalls that they don’t want you to overhear.
    He/she has an e-mail address to which you do not have access.
    You get the impression that you are often lied to about little things.
    You no longer seem to have serious and intelligent conversations about important things and you get the feeling that your company is being avoided.
    Your spouse spends hours and hours in on-line chatrooms.
    Your spouse has more and more unaccounted time away from home.
    You discover your spouse has a post office box, which you did not know about.
    The passenger seat in the car has been moved from its usual position.
    Often when you answer the phone, the caller hangs up on the other side.
    Your spouse has a separate bank account you did not know about.
    There are credit card transactions for gifts, hotels and restaurants that you cannot recall.
    There is a sudden increase in your phone bill.
    Your spouse suddenly looks different – new clothes, new hairstyle.
    Your spouse suddenly has a decreased interest in having sex with you.
    Your spouse joins the gym after years of being a slothful couch potato.
    His/her cellphone is often switched off when you are trying to get into contact.
    Your spouse is particularly attentive or particularly inattentive towards you.
    You press the redial button on the phone and get through to someone you don’t know.
    Your spouse tries to pick fights with you so that he/she can storm out of the house and disappear for a few hours.
    When you raise your concerns, you are told that you are excessively paranoid.
    Just on a cautionary note – these are merely signs that shouldn’t be missed, but are very far from real proof. To get that, you might need to either follow him/her or confront them directly. Who knows, you might even get an honest answer.

    You don’t really want to be the last person to find out, do you?

  3. boothy

    boothy Senior Member

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    Completely Agree.

    But I really don't think anyone here paid any attention whatsoever to that bollocks to be honest... the guy chose the wrong place to make a few bob.

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