Raising a barefoot child

Okay, this is going to be really strange sounding. My rebellious sister of fifteen years of age had a baby recently. Being that she can't raise it, due to her other priorities (School), and my mom can't raise it, as she has my sister, and two other kids, plus me who she has to still help out a lot, she has no way she can make time to raise the kid. They begged and pleaded me "I know you really hate kids, but there is no one else who can legally raise him. Would you do it, just until your sister can take him back?" I said I would, but mom is still providing me with money to care for him, just because I'm a good person. Well, I still live with my two best buddies, Bartolomeo and Giovanni. I talked it over with them, saying that I decided to take in my nephew, and we were trying to figure out how we'd do this. Why we? Because these two are like brothers to me, and they are the kid's uncles just as much as I am. We did talk about the important logistics of the whole thing, but I brought up how we'd raise the kid, lifestyle-wise. We thought maybe we'd do it kind of like our moms raised us, but a little differently. The way our moms brought us up was we were allowed to go barefoot from the time it got warm enough in spring to the time it got too cold in fall. I remember we would sometimes go barefoot for about four or five months straight, never once putting a shoe on our feet, no matter where we went: parks, store, on walks, riding bikes, on hikes, swimming, camping, etc, we were allowed to free-foot the whole summer. I can kind of remember doing this as far back as about three years old. But then I remember as soon as we started kindergarten, the moms made us wear shoes to school, and started making us wear shoes a little more in public too. We were still able to go barefoot almost everywhere, but not to restaurants or stores anymore, or anywhere that was particularly "dirty" but we could still go barefoot in public parks and things like that. Then when we got to junior high school, the ma's made us wear shoes all the time except at home, because we weren't little kids anymore.

What we came up with is that we would do something similar, but we'd let the boy go barefoot all the time except in winter. We'll even let him go to school barefoot, and back him up if any of the teachers or the principal try to tell him he can't. We won't make him wear shoes in public at all, unless it makes absolutely no sense not to wear them (i.e. when it's too damn cold, or going anywhere really hazardous). Basically, for the most part, we won't make him wear shoes at all, and he can wear them if and when he feels like it.

Bartolomeo also brought up another good point: the three of us are very body-shy (that's why whenever we ended up naked in front of anyone, we were humiliated), and he suggests it's because our moms never let us run around naked after about one year old. Therefore, we were never able to properly learn to be comfortable with our bodies, and still aren't. So Bartolomeo suggests the same with clothes, but a little bit different parameters. When we're at home, he can choose whether or not he wants to wear clothes or run around naked, but if we're going out somewhere, he has to be fully dressed (except shoes). Or when we're having any company over besides family. This lifestyle choice is still to be determined, but I personally think it may be beneficial. He may just learn to be comfortable with his body, which will make him less shy later on, I think.

And when the time comes that I must return my nephew to his mother, if she doesn't like how I raised him, she can change it all she wants.

BTW: Mom already took care of the baby during infancy, so now he's about a year old, and she can't take the load anymore. She also has a one year old child of her own. She can't do the double load, so that's why she asked if we could take him in. He's walking already, and can talk just a little bit.

I'm also going to teach him very early on that none of the three of us are dada, but uncle. He calls us uncle_____. I'd be uncle Dipshit (hehe), and there'd be uncle Bart, and uncle Gio (or maybe Zio Gio)

We still have to devise the other important parts of being a guardian, but this is what we have so far

Well, what does everyone think? Is this a good way to raise my nephew?

 

You sound like a united family and helping your sister, by you and 2 other young lads taking on a child is a credit to all of you.
With all the work and adjustment required, I am surprised that you have the time and energy to be thinking about footwear.

Regarding that issue, most young children hate wearing shoes at any rate, so you are unlikely to fall out with him over that issue.
However, keep it in balance.
If the nursery expect him to wear shoes, him being barefoot will stand out among the other children and could lead them to make cruel comments, such as not being able to afford them and his lack of a mother at home to look after him properly.
Even young children can be very cruel.

The last thing that you all need is him rebelling at nursery and ending up like you younger sister...... All over a pair of shoes.

PS, next time that you are wearing your shoes, preferably boots, give your sister a kick in the ass.... She deserves it for the way that she has treated you all. LOL.

 

Well, I have that all sorted out too. If he's being teased about his feet, either I'll go in there myself and lay out what's what, or teach him how to handle it.

As for sis, you realize that's exactly where I came from, right? My mother was exactly the same, teenage rebellion produced me

 

I hate shoes. If I can go barefoot in any situation, I always will. But socially, there are limits. That is why there are so many "no shirt, no shoes, no service" signs at places. I don't go barefoot to restaurants or school. Now if I'm wearing flip flops, then hell yes, those babies are coming off under the table or under the desk. But I'm not going to walk around barefoot in places where people are eating or in most classrooms. I think you will find (although I don't know) that sending him to school barefoot is not going to be allowed. If he went to school naked, they would make him wear clothes. I think the same will hold true if his feet are naked. He ain't gonna be allowed to go to class that way.

So get him plenty of flip flops! I wear them year round. Then if he wants to be barefoot they easily slide off, and slide right back on when he is in places that require shoes, which he will often be in.

 

Actually, what I can do around here is sign a waiver, saying that I release the school from any liability if something should happen to his feet

 

Ha-ha. My last comment was light hearted. I did not imagine for one moment that you would literally go off and start kicking your sister, LOL
but having witnessed the down side of a rebellious mother, she should have been careful not to allow history to repeat itself.

Many people from backgrounds such as yours have gone on to make a great success of their lives, including becoming top doctors and company directors.
Never let you background hold you back in your life.

 

If the kid actually enjoys being barefoot and the school allows it with the waiver, then cool!

 

I know, I mean I've made it this far in my life having that background AND having autism. Nothing can stop me now! Then this came along, and I think it may be harder, but will probably pay off. And the best part is, I'm raising a kid the way I would have wanted to be raised, and I'm still a virgin

 

Yeah, they do. If anyone tries to give him shit about it, I can teach him many ways to deal with it.

 

I think you are some great guys to want to help the little guy. It is going to be a real challenge for you. Some things will fall in place as things go along. If it isn’t a joint effort in authority by all three of you it won’t work. Support each other and remember to thank each other for the effort and sacrifices. It’s a lot to expect of guys your age and in your stage of life. I will pray for all 4 of you. Nakedness could be a challenge Before he is pottie trained........ LOL!!!!!,....and he may want to wear clothes cause his uncles do.

 

From what I understand, he's already potty trained. Damn, my mom is good

 

Well, I hope that works. I am, at 20, just now getting to a place in my life where I am able to not give a fuck what other people think about me. It provides a feeling of freedom to me and individuality to not be afraid of being different anymore; in fact, I embrace my unique individuality. And I can effectively deal with those who confront me about being "different."

But shit, I couldn't do that at 18, or even 19, much less 5 or 6. Being different can be good, but it can be hard for a child. I'm not suggesting you teach him to conform to everything that everybody else does, I'm just saying please be mindful that if he is put in a position that will single him out from everyone else, I hope your tactics to teach him to deal with it are effective. He will need them to be.

Who knows, he may start a trend and the entire school will start to go barefoot, and everyone wins!

 

Well, we'll see. But, I have my ways. I can teach him exactly how to make himself impressive. For example, let's say he gets made fun of for his feet, if it was me, I'd tell the people making fun of me something like "Hey, you're just jealous because you're NOT allowed to be barefoot at school, and I am." We'll just see how this unfolds. I have a feeling the bare feet won't single him out too much if we teach him how to do it with confidence, and be completely normal otherwise.

Here's how I see it: the first couple years of elementary school, kids are not all that aware of social concerns, particularly that "feet are gross, so lock them up inside a shoe and ironically make them grosser" so he most likely won't feel too singled out during the first couple years. Even so, we'll probably end up sending him to school barefoot maybe the first couple days, and then ask if he wants to keep doing it, or start wearing shoes. We'll be good uncles, we'll buy him shoes, and really nice shoes too, but the difference with us is that we'll never force him to wear them, but they're there for him if he wants to wear them.

This is how I envision it, based on what I already know about the world, however little that is. But really, we just have to see how this unfolds.

 

That sounds like an excellent plan. I love it actually now that you say you will have the backup plan of shoes for him if it becomes a hardship. That is all I was worried about.

Good luck, I hope it works out! I would love to have gone through school barefoot if it was allowed and if I wasn't being bullied for it!

 

i'm skeptical about that. i'm far from a child raising expert, but i don't think any kids are potty trained at one year.

 

You must understand that the kid is a living being with all rights to his own body, and an independent mind of his own, that sometimes works against yours. As such, you must consider the possibility that he may not, for some reason, find the experience pleasant. Maybe some harder surfaces hurt his soles, maybe he suffers painful cuts by accident and becomes put off by the whole idea of barefoot walking. Maybe he just doesn't like his body being seen, because he thinks his toes are ugly or something. You never know. In this scenario, if you try to force him, he'll likely just end up hating the whole idea of being barefoot. And you will become the strange and crazy old uncle who tried to force his weird ways on him.

That being said... Lead by example. You will (hopefully) have good chances of success by being barefoot yourself in his company. Do barefoot things as much as you can, WHILE he sees you doing them barefoot. The point is that he must grow to think that not wearing shoes or socks is not strange or something to be ashamed/afraid of. Kids often copy and emulate their elders to learn things. If he, on his own, learns that being barefoot is normal, and on top of that learns to love the stimulation you can get trough your soles, I'd say you will have won. But you must never pressure him into behaving in a certain way. Instead, the kid himself must become curious about it. If he asks you why you don't have shoes or socks on you, tell him that many times it's good not to wear them. Tell him that barefooting gives you stronger feet that hurt less. Tell him that he can avoid fungal infections by letting his feet breathe freely and stay dry, and so it's healthy. Tell him how you just feel better being that way. Hell, you can even tell him how you once spoke to this crazy Scandinavian fellow, who walked barefoot in snow while it was winter, and who had a strong constitution for it and was only rarely seriously ill as a result. If he gets curious, he'll start experimenting on his own, and he will then draw his own conclusions based on the experience.

You mentioned that this is still a very young child. So yeah, it's not smart to push the limits of his endurance at this point, so no snow walking stuff and nothing extreme at this point. It's too early. The kid himself should be the one to decide what he wants to do. Though obviously, as his guardian, your job is to make sure he doesn't self-destruct. They can be a handful to look after at that age, so keep those medicine bottles and sharp items hidden.

At this point I would just have the kid dress up normally. Trying something stupid with a minor's wardrobe could draw the wrong kind of attention from his peers, or worse, the adults. You don't want the social services on your case. And you don't want him bullied. Trust me. So just conform to norms for now. The kid himself will decide what he wants to do, when he grows up, and you, as the good uncle, will support him. If you manage to teach him the ways of bare feet, that will be good enough for his early years.

 

This is excellent advice.

 

I know, kids can be so cruel. But as I said we will buy him really nice shoes, but never require that he wear them

 

Basically ,that's kind of what I'm going to do. Except that it will be more along the lines of "you have shoes in your closet. Wear them if you want to, don't wear them if you don't want to." But I will also lead by example, so will Bart and Gio. As for snow walking, I won't even do that. Why would I let him do it? Hell no he's not walking barefoot in the snow. Unless he chooses to. But winter will be the only time I ever force him to wear shoes. Otherwise it's his choice.

 

I am too, but that's what mom told me. She also revealed to me he's actually
1 &1/2. Turning two in September .