I knew from a very early age, that something was terribly wrong. I was being raised as, and treated as a male, which I knew from early childhood, was a mistake. I never made any attempt to fit in with the male population, which of course meant a lot of stigmatization and bullying from my peers whilst growing up. This bullying and stigmatization was not confined just to my school life, but also my family life, where I suffered a lot as a result of not conforming to the male tag which had been placed upon me. In my teens, I had one friend (a mutual interest in videogames instigated the friendship), although funnily enough at one point, he mercilessly bullied me too, and physically attacked me more than once (On one ocassion, he slammed my head into an iron fence). One time, he confided something to me, which I never disclosed to anyone as he had asked me not to. That seemed to make us better friends, and he even apologized for being so horrible to me whilst he was bullying me. When he used to talk about girls in a sexual way, I became visibly irritated and let him know I found the subject icky, and always told him to shut up, which he usually did. lol Not long after we left school, I hardly saw him anymore, as I was a hermit who stayed indoors all the time playing videogames, playing guitar and listening to music, whilst he hung about with other people, took drugs, and went to nightclubs with them. He eventually developed schizophrenia (which I blame at least partly on his drug abuse), and we became more and more distant from each other, until eventually we lost touch altogether. He knew for a long time that I was really a girl, as I had told him in our school days, and he said he wasn't surprised, seeing as I had never acted like a boy anyway. Being a hermit was definitely a concious decision on my part, as I felt if I couldn't live my life completely as a normal female, then I'd rather not have a life at all. And that is the way my life has always been. I felt that shutting myself off from society was the only option I had. I feel that being intersex rather than transsexual made things far more difficult for me when I started the process of trying to get medical help in my late teens for my predicament. Indeed, when I finally met a great clincian years later who took me under his wing, he admitted I'd been treated very badly, and that instead of seeing the distressed female in front of them, and treating me accordingly, I wasn't given proper treatment as I didn't fit their definition of what "a transsexual" should be. I can see what you're saying, and I will admit that being alone pretty much all my life has been a big cross to bear, and as I've gotten older, it is something that gets to me a lot more than it used to do. But I still feel the same way now that I did when I was growing up. Avoiding interacting with people is the best way to keep me sane. As I don't feel like I can relate to anyone. Thank you. I appreciate that very much. My life has always been horrible, but at least I'm not a starving child in Africa, or a lab animal... I could have it even worse than I do now. It is hard to do at times, but I always try and tell myself no matter how bad my life is, some have it even worse than I do.