Question for Bisexual Men

It's a silly notion. I have been bi since age 13. For me, women turn me on in any situation. My bi/gay desires for guys are sexual only. In other words, if I see a guy in public I don't feel the lust I would for a woman. But get that same guy naked in an intimate setting and the lust is on full force. Not the most elegant explanation but there you have my input.

 

An interesting thread.

I just went back and looked at my last post on this board from 4 years ago where I wrote a bit about drifting more towards the gay side of the bisexual spectrum while trying to stay true to my wife and family. The trend has continued.

I have always considered myself bi and seriously considered pursuing a gay lifestyle back in my 20s. But I liked women well enough and social and religious pressures eventually guided me towards a more traditional life. Been married to a woman and faithful for 15 years with a couple of awesome kids (joy of my life) added to the mix along the way. So there are no regrets about the decision I made. Wouldn't change it for anything.

But, at this point, it's hard for me to ignore the rightward drift across the Kinsey scale. I still cling to the notion of being bi, but a large part of me recognizes that this is based in wishful thinking as I now find myself almost exclusively sexually-attracted to men. I still love my wife and am hugely conflicted about the whole state of things. Every decision I could make here seems like a losing one. Should I continue to be a fraud to myself by denying my sexuality, become a fraud to my wife by outing myself or become a liar by having a discrete gay relationship?

There really is no winning decision here and I know now that this conflict will stay with me until my dying days. I looked at myself in the mirror today and felt a kind of pity. Not a "woe is me" kind of pity but a matter-of-fact realization that there is no way out of this.

 

In my mind bi sexual doesnt exist because labels are labels if yoiu can get past the guilt, shame and other crap that comes with labels then you will find yourself having some of the best sex you have ever had reguardless of who your having it with or what it is your watching.

 

I'm beginning to believe that more or less we are ALL bisexual to a degree.......some more to the Hetro and some lean towards Homo.

 

I completely can relate to your situation except I drifted more toward the hetero side but being bi am likewise attracted to men but not as strongly. And your phrase "this conflict will stay with me until my dying days" is exactly right. Thanks for your insights.

 

Thanks to you as well, Dimasrp.

The inner conflict finally reached tipping point for me a few months back and I decided it was finally time to have a conversation with my wife. Wasn't really her favorite thing I ever told her, but being that I hadn't cheated on her nor was I looking for permission to have sex with men, she was open to what I had to say. The were a couple of months where things were kind of dicey and I really didn't know which way things were going to go between us. But since then, a sense of normalcy has returned. For me, it has been more about more clearly defining my sexual identity to my sexual partner than a request to embark on a different path.

I guess I am what you would call about halfway out of the closet at this point. Many of my outdoors friends are aware I identify as gay/bi ... as is my wife. But work colleagues and family members have no idea and I intend to keep it that way so long as my marriage remains in tact.

 

It doesn't bother me as I don't think the need to justify my sexuality.

I am what I am - if someone looks at me and suggests otherwise then that it entirely up to them but if I'm happy in myself that's all that matters.

We live in a world where bi women are claimed to be 'secretly straight' and where bi men and claimed to be 'secretly gay'.

It's complete rubbish and I don't care much for it.

 

it doesn't bother me because I know I am not gay, I love eating a hot pussy as much as sucking a cock

 

I call BS on that notion. I'm a Bisexual Married guy, and I've had people pass this judgment on me quite a few times. I ALWAYS knew I wasn't "straight", and Although I questioned my TRUE SEXUALITY in my teens and early 20's, it's NOT up to anyone else to define WHO and WHAT I am. Period. I can say I've had romantic/sexual relationships with BOTH women and men (also a couple "exclusive" male FWBs), and that BOTH have fulfilled/satisfied DIFFERENT needs/desires that the other gender CAN'T.
Not that I ever "planned" it that way, but 5 of the 6 men I've been with are GAY (being that I'm a Bisexual BOTTOM who's more on the SUBMISSIVE side with MEN, I was just happy to realize there ARE actually PLENTY of TOP GUYS out there). Not really sure what to think of "GAYDAR", but EVERY SINGLE ONE of those gay men said I give of "certain vibes", (other openly gay men I know have said the SAME THING, even if I WASN'T romantically/sexually interested in them), despite the fact that I'm NOT one to broadcast my sexuality, I have a masculine appearance, and I'm "straight acting" (at least publicly anyways). Ironically, one of the most judgmental/opinionated people I've personally encountered was the last GAY man I was trying to get to know. After TALKING to him (NOT actually meeting up with him) and explaining to him my needs/wants/desires, he "overwhelmingly" and adamantly tried to "convince" me that I'm gay, despite being married and making my intentions/expectations VERY CLEAR. Although I know I'm NOT "straight", I'm also NOT 100% gay EITHER. Needless to say, I NEVER met up with him in person, and stopped TALKING to him altogether.

Another "odd" critic of my bisexuality has been my WIFE, even though she's BISEXUAL HERSELF. I've ALWAYS been OPEN and HONEST with her (since before were were even a couple) regarding my sexuality, and for the first few years of being together (we've been together for 13 years, and married for 11 of them) it was a "non issue". I've ALWAYS supported/encouraged her to EMBRACE (and even act on it if she felt the NEED) her bisexuality, even if she didn't want me "directly involved", and SHE HAS acted on her NEEDS/desires/urges... BOTH with and WITHOUT me being involved. I also promised her that I WOULDN'T physically engage (with another man) in acting on my "gay" NEEDS/desires/urges, UNLESS she WAS directly involved in my activities. We came to a compromise that I'd be allowed (not have to try and hide it) to watch and masturbate to GAY and Transsexual porn ON MY OWN, which I DO, regularly and almost "exclusively" (though we also enjoy watching gay and bisexual porn together too), and this has NEVER been an issue for us. I think her "need to criticize" (critique) stems from the fact that she KNOWS I'm NOT just sexually interested in men, but that I ACTUALLY enjoy kissing, making out, cuddling, holding hands etc AS MUCH with MEN as I do with WOMEN (I've noticed that A LOT of bisexual guys ONLY WANT THE SEX, WITHOUT including the romantic/intimate aspect, and even claim to be "straight"). She's always had a jealous streak when it comes my friendships with other females (which I always try to be careful about and even limit, especially in her presence) and recently, she even seems to be "jealous" of a LOT my guy friends too.
I may have "breached some of her trust" when she caught me going online and NOT only looking at, but also saving A BUNCH of pics of men... some of them TOTALLY naked, and ALL in revealing or provocative poses to my phone WITHOUT telling her about it. The only pics in my phone of ANY woman other than my wife is of Jennifer Aniston, my ALL-TIME FAVORITE FEMALE celebrity CRUSH .
I HONESTLY belive her "jealous streak" (especially when it comes to MEN) is more accurately a matter of her sometimes being "insecure" about herself, and that while she knows I'm NOT interested/have NO DESIRE for ANYTHING more than friendships with WOMEN... It ACTUALLY seems like she gets overwhelmed, WORRIED (and fears) at even the thought that I could "potentially" one day realize I'm more "gay" than either one of us ever acknowledged, and that I'd leave her to persue a ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIP with another MAN. I've tried to reassure her that's NOT gonna happen... But sometimes it REALLY seems (to me) like she's having a hard time believing me, because she "randomly" asks me from time to time if I'm "REALLY SURE THAT I'M NOT ACTUALLY GAY, AND IF I'D ACTUALLY PREFER TO BE WITH ANOTHER MAN INSTEAD OF HER". Those comments usually come with a smile on her face and in a seemingly joking manner, but due to the FREQUENCY in which she asks me, I can tell it's GENUINELY coming from her heart, and that's it something she thinks/worries about regularly. Continuing to be OPEN, HONEST, and keeping the lines of communication WILL be the only way to TRULY REASSURE her.
TBH... Other people's opinion on this notion is IRRELEVANT to me. The only ones I NEED to REMAIN TRUE to, and who's opinions REALLY MATTER to me are MY WIFE'S and MINE

 

I don't believe this statement to be true in any way shape or form. Yes, after I experienced my first M/M oral sex I did question myself "Am I gay now?"...After some thought I said to myself "One doesn't just turn gay like a ware wolf on a full moon night"...I believe gay tendencies lie within every man/woman. Some refuse them, some occasionally share them, and some follow them exclusively. I personally don't give a damn about what people think or what label they may or may not have to place upon me as I don't label others myself. I do know this...I enjoy and express openly (with sex partners ONLY) my feminine and masculine sides either individually or equally at times. I can only have an emotional attraction to a woman in all her being, with a man my attraction, desires, and needs are solely focused on what between his legs...that cock! My wife and I (in our opinions) are bisexual...we enjoy having sex with both genders and nobody but the people we have sex with know this as we look and act like your every day hetero sexual couple in public. We are fortunate to have a couple (M/F) we've bonded with over the past 6 months so the four of us (behind walls) are able to release our "gay" tendencies with each other interactively solely for the enjoyment of sexual pleasures and desires. Two married couples openly having sex with each other without any hang up's what so ever because each gender provides it's unique stimulation. I can suck his cock, eat her pussy, let him fuck me in the ass, kiss her, suck her tits, fuck her in the ass or vagina and it all satisfies my sexual cravings so if in some peoples minds that makes me "gay" well then so be it...I suppose I'm both gay and straight depending on which gender I'm having sex with at the moment. My wife and I have a very secure and deep bond with each other that is forever (Me 55-Her 60) and mostly have one-on-one sex but we also have the same relationship with another M/F couple so both genders in each relationship can enjoy the pleasures that same sex provides. The four of us love each other sexually but as individual couples we our bonded emotionally to our spouses. Our situation is unique, we know that but the four of us enjoy it and will continue to express ourselves sexually with each other for many years to come without placing labels on each other.

 

I think gay/straight has more to do with romantic attraction, I’m a man I love women but enjoy sex with men

 

I agree. I also think just about everybody is bisexual to some degree. Some may lean more to the gay side, and others may lean more towards the "straight" side... But I honestly don't believe that anyone is 100% straight.

 

Gay/bi/straight is much more than just romantic attraction. If you're a man, and you enjoy sex with both women and men, then you're DEFINITELY NOT straight... Even if you have a preference for women. Straight men DON'T have sex with other guys. There's absolutely nothing wrong with being bisexual... But it is what it is. If you're a man and enjoy sex with other guys, then you're at least bisexual.

 

i agree, im only bi cause i'm married, otherwise i'm GAY

 

So, are you saying you prefer sex with men even over your wife ??

 

He may and that's ok...I do admit sex with a another guy is very full filling...I enjoy eating pussy but probably enjoy sucking cock more simply for the amazing feeling of him shooting his load in my mouth.

 

most of the time

 

I ignore it. Someone else’s idea of what they think I am is irrelevant to me.

 

I totally agree. While I love my wife very much, and can't imagine my life without her... I can honestly say most of my sexual dreams and fantasies involve me meeting a handsome Dominant top guy with a nice cock that I can be at least sexually submissive for (I'm naturally sexually submissive with men). I've only had gay sex twice in the 12 years I've been married (been with my wife for 14 years now)... But again, I can honestly say I enjoy sex/making love to another man JUST AS MUCH as I do with my wife. I get different needs/desires met depending on wether I'm with a woman or another guy.
I admit I'm a bisexual married bottom who craves another man's cock just as much as I do my wife. I have absolutely no shame in admitting my gay thoughts, desires and fantasies have undoubtedly gotten MUCH stronger and intense as I get older.
Unlike most bisexual guys... Who are all about the cock or simply getting their asses stuffed with no strings attached, I can say from personal experience that I can be just as happy, satisfied and content in a gay relationship as I am in straight relationships.
I'd say I'm 50/50 straight/gay. Im 100% bisexual

 

There's LOTS of guys out there who are married to women and identify as gay. If they are really GAY though, I don't understand why they remain married to women. I'm definitely not one to pass judgment on ANYONE, but Wouldn't make more sense for a self identifying gay man to end his marriage to a woman... So BOTH he and the wife could pick up the pieces to move on and live an authentic life, to find TRUE happiness, fulfillment, and enjoyment ??