Pushed into a Bi Life?

I think they do understand... and they're not really fans of our sex drive and even more so when their drive gets stuck in park. Some are relieved that it is and some realize that this is going to be a bigger problem because they have a husband who still wants and needs sex and cheating may ensue or, if it doesn't, he's going to be a miserable son-of-a-bitch as he watches porn behind her back so he can jerk off and become frustrated because that's more of a "temporary relief valve" than it is the intimacy he once enjoyed with her. As I may have said earlier, some men get to a decision point: If she's no longer interested in sex, then what can I do since I still want to have sex? Marriage vows and the rules of monogamy says, "You can't do shit so grab a roll of toilet paper and camp out in the bathroom."

But there are... options and options that are forbidden and immoral but there just the same. Take up with another woman or, um, you know, I heard there's a lot of guys in my situation who are cocksuckers and into anal sex and, hmm, I wonder if that's really true? Or, if he doesn't like these two options, there are two other options: Divorce her and go on the hunt for women who still want to have sex or... do nothing about it. Period. Ever. And if, by chance, you happen to be a guy who's been hiding the M2M part of his life from a wife who wouldn't understand, doing nothing is more of the same but worse because you know that you could get some dick... but. How to get her to say it's okay?

And some wives do say, "I don't care what you do as long as I never find out about it!" Still - and for the men who have always been straight their entire life - what makes becoming bisexual the option to be taken? What's the logic that drives this?

 

I think there are men that faced with no sex or becoming bisexual begin to realize that there are lots of men in the same situation and it is way easier to find a man in the same boat that is willing to give them a blowjob, or exchange blowjobs than it is to come up with a woman that is up for a nsa sexual relationship. Our sexual attractions and desires change over time.

 

Why would or should she blame herself? Women do not forget that sex is the glue that keeps things together and strong - some prefer that it didn't. Women, after all, are the ones who insist that sex cannot be the most important thing in the relationship; I have never been with a woman who hasn't uttered, "Is that all you think about?" I have never had a male lover say that he didn't want to have sex. The other thing that women know is that the moment they cut off the sex, there's a chance - or a good one - that hubby is going to look to have sex with someone else and some get surprised when that someone is another man. Why? Because almost every guy who sucks cock... swallows. Tell such a guy to suck your dick and he'll be looking for someone to hold his beer so he can suck the life out of you.

Not all women are like this but how many guys here got hung out to dry when she closed up shop on the coochie and they're talking about getting some dick to replace the pussy they used to get? Maybe like papa and looking for more than good sex, that emotional connection to go with the physical one?

 

I guess it’s easiest for me to speak out of my own experience. My wife is a loving caring woman. She treats me with kindness and respect. She is an acts of service type, always doing little things, making breakfast, lunch, deserts cookies. Things she knows will make me happy. We do lots of things together. Always with a smile. So in my case it isn’t a thing where she has lost interest in me or the marriage. At least that isn’t apparent in the rest of our relationship.
However as I have said, sex isn’t how she is going to show me that she loves me. It is very obvious by now it does nothing for her, either emotionally or physically. So for her it’s not the glue that keeps things together and strong. So in my position I am faced with a choice, I can pester her to do something I know she doesn’t want and be frustrated because she doesn’t enjoy it and ultimately isn’t going to do it. And it’s not a good time for me if she caves to it but I know is not enjoying it.
So my choices are to either divorce her and start over at 66 years old, and disrupt our entire family dynamic. Or I can do my best to live a celibate life. Or be very discreet and go around her for sex and intimacy. So that’s what I do. Is it a perfect situation? It’s not. I would rather we were enjoying this together. The reality is that isn’t going to happen. So what I have found is that if we are going to remain together and me not be miserable because one of my most basic needs isn’t being met I need to have another path for that.
I have found that in doing that I am able to focus on the things that are in our marriage that we will both be happy with and I don’t resent her for not her for not being intimate.

 

…and that’s the thing with me; I’ll get occasional “once a 3-4 weeks sex, but it’s more ‘pity sex’ or “I’ll just roll over to my side so you can get it done with” style of sex. No passion, not even any kissing, and I’ve kept myself in great shape! (6’1” 192lbs. as of this morning)
I do all sorts of nice things around the house to help, bring coffee in bed every morning, and for what; this?

 

Yep; in essence, you're doing all of that for nothing. You try to take as much of the day-to-day load off of her and in the hopes that it'll give her the breather that's necessary for her to want to have sex and it's either nothing or, worse, you get her "dead body imitation" or what I call the "Let Mister do his business" thing where she just lies there and lets you cum in her. No passion, no nothing. And then, not even that anymore.

Women who learned that their husband was out having sex with men would be livid and more so when I'd asked them, "Well, if you're not fucking him, what is he supposed to do? You're assuming that just because you don't want sex that he has to go along with it!"

"If you don't suck his dick, someone else will - and they will send him to heaven by sucking him off, no complaints, no arguing, no bargaining and that just might be a guy who lives to suck cock and swallow cum. Now, if you have a problem with that - and you clearly do - and you don't want him doing this - and you obviously don't - what should you do about this?"

And they've answered, "I ain't doing shit for that cheatin' motherfucker!"

And... there's your problem.

 

I can only speak from a personal perspective, as that is all I have. Way back in my late high school and early college days, my neighbor, buddy and I were relatively frequently SBs. Just get together once a week or so for mutual bjs. But then we both got girlfriends, and that was the end of our sucking days. At that point, I didn’t really miss it And really didn’t even think about it.
Fast-forward to my current wife. When we were first “living in sin” We had what I think every new couple has is the “Sex talk”. You know the type….. Experiences and fantasies, two of her fantasies really got my attention…. sex with another woman, and a MFM. COOL! I was more than OK with both of them. of course that led to me having to confess mine. She asked me if I had ever been with another guy. GULP! I thought WTH and I told her about my buddy two decades previous. The look on her face told me I should have kept that a secret. But eventually the thought seemed to intrigue her somewhat. we did start watching some pouring together,, and that evolve from straight MF, then MFM, MMF, FF, and some gay. the latter really seemed to turn her on, to the point that she would ask if I did this or that?
FF again, and we started talking about swapping with another couple. That part did not work out, but we did have a few MFMs with the same close friend. She loved them! so did I. During the same timeframe, we got into anal and she started pegging me. The deal was if I got her ass, she got mine. Fine with me. There were times when she what walk out of our bathroom into the bedroom wearing her strap on. it really seemed to turn her on, and she would make me suck her “cock“ like I did, my SB, or I bet a real cock would feel better in my ass. so we started looking for a BI guy, for a potential MMF! we could not find a suitable bi unicorn. Anyway, due to menopause, physical issues that prevent painless penetrative sex, and a couple of non-sex related surgeries on my part, are once active and satisfying sex life stopped.
Is she intentionally pushing me to bi? I honestly do not think that thought has ever crossed her mind. But it has crossed mine more so in the last five sexless years. I am no spring chicken, but to be 60+ with no sex life is the death of 1000 blades.

 

As someone who's never been married to a woman (or man), and never been privy to the details of the sex lives of married relatives and friends (I've never had such a discussion with any guy), I only have what the countless married guys talk about in this forum for my opinions. And the more I read about your experiences, the more I realize that heterosexual marriage is bullshit. And from my own little experience of the two times I've been in long-term relationships with women, any long-term heterosexual relationship is also bullshit. Men and women are just sexually incompatible, especially above 40 years of age, but from what I read online also younger. Or at least it's the monogamy aspect that is impossible. Yes, I know there are exceptions, but in general I believe this is true.

At a society level we need to do away with monogamy expectations, so nobody gets hurt. And the raising of children needs to return to the village system, since we won't have the marriage system to stabilize it (though it's already failing drastically of late even before we implement my system). And of course we need that same-sex sexual and romantic relationships are 100% accepted as totally normal and natural. This in total I believe is the society we need.

 

Men and women are only incompatible when it comes to how they think about sex - our biological imperative versus their social slut shaming stigma and that belief that sex isn't all that important in a relationship. To do away with monogamy - and we really, seriously, need to - calls for abolishing religion and trying to "retrain" several billion people to forget the way it used to be and in favor of how it's going to be now and going forward. The problem will be all of the people who will rise up and say that you can't tell them what to believe or how to go about having a relationship (of any kind) and you'll wind up with an even greater social schism than what exists today.

Would it be nice and better to throw out those centuries-old religious laws and edicts? Yes. Is it going to happen? Nope, which is why there are people 'everywhere' who realize that if they want to be free of the religious dogma that has love, sex, and relationships on a tight leash, change the rules for themselves. Find others who want to change the rules and even in a collaborative way - the village you mentioned. Organized religion is too powerful an entity and they're not just going to sit on their pious asses and let the masses do away with the source of their power and wealth. Can you imagine a pope telling everyone that it's now okay to be polyamorous in relationships and that it's just as okay to be homosexual both sexually and relationally? I can't. But I know that couple can change the rules for themselves so that their relationship can be the best it can be - been there, done that.

 

If the privacy of our own choices reigned supreme, there wouldn't be all this riffing about not being 100% heterosexual. There wouldn't be a need to go through an ugly divorce to get away from a partner that doesn't understand your choice and doesn't respect it because the choice you made isn't in line with that which they believe... and most of the fucking world believes it, too. Yes, you still have to find the right person who is on the same page with you and even when you do, the privacy of your choices, to the rest of the world, doesn't mean shit.

You weren't supposed to want anything or anyone other than your wife and that which she chooses to give you. If she takes it away - and for any reason that makes sense to her - you have no choice but to abide by her decisions to deprive you. If you break the sanctity of your vows to have sex with someone outside of your marriage - and then, you have the unmitigated gall to have sex with another man - society will judge the shit out of you and, again, the privacy of your choices don't mean a damned thing since you weren't supposed to be making such choices to begin with.

I wouldn't (and don't) fault you for the choices you made and I do think society is all fucked up in the head to think that it's okay for a wife to (a) force celibacy on her very sexually active husband and (b) get him thinking about and considering going outside of the marriage for the love and affection that she now refuses to provide him and if he can find that with another man, I'm good with it... but everyone else won't be nor would they respect your right to make those choices for yourself.

 

KDaddy, and that is exactly why I do this my way. I don’t have to wade through all of the societal bs saying I’m wrong. everyone will have an opinion of how I should behave and comply with their standard. I have said many times my solution to this isn’t perfect. It lacks me being able to be honest and upfront. However, everyone that would expect that from me gets sex regularly.
What’s the old adage about walking in another man’s shoes before you judge him?