PUB, Beer and Alcohol JOKES

Three ladies were enjoying their Thursday morning round at the prestigious Moorworth golf club. As they approached the sixth green a naked man wearing a hood suddenly emerged from the trees behind the green. Despite their astonishment the ladies managed sufficient scrutiny to be highly impressed by the interloper’s manhood. The first lady golfer almost immediately announced “That’s definitely not my husband!” and, after a slight longer period of study the second said regretfully “It’s not my husband either”. The third lady, after a more prolonged look then announced “In fact he’s not even a member of this golf club!”

 

A farmer goes to a livestock dealer and buys an anvil, a bucket, two chickens, and a goose. The farmer looks at his purchases and says, "Damn, I WALKED here. How am I gonna carry all this home? The livestock dealer said, "Why don't you put the anvil in the bucket, carry the bucket in one hand, put a chicken under each arm and carry the goose in your other hand?" "Hey, thanks!" the farmer said, and off he went. While walking home he met a little old lady who told him she was lost. She asked, "Can you tell me how to get to 1515 Mockingbird Lane?"
The farmer said, "Well, as a matter of fact, I live just down the road from there. Let's take my short cut and go down this alley. We'll be there in no time." The little old lady said, "I am a lonely widow without a husband to defend me. How do I know that when we get in the alley you won't hold me up against the wall, pull up my skirt, and ravish me?" The farmer said, "Holy smokes lady! I am carrying a bucket, an anvil, two chickens, and a goose. How in the world could I possibly hold you up against the wall and do that?" She replied, "Set the goose down, cover him with the bucket, put the anvil on top of the bucket ... and I'll hold the chickens."

 

Social distancing - Ordering from the Vault

 

Waste not - want not

 

- Forgive the sexist tone - but it is Funny - ha ha