Things are starting to get better overtime which is good and I'm expressing myself a lot more than I used too. The only thing that I wish would get better is how I get really numb sometimes and depression at certain moments. Think this is all completely normal and my therapist is helping me. The one thing I hate is when people ask me what's wrong and I'll have to say out loud what I'm thinking about and talk about the trauma about the abuse which I hate. Another thing that gets to me is that I'm diagnosed with bipolar and many people look at me like I'm crazy. Just feel so frustrated with things and need some relief. One thing which I won't do is go back to my drug use and start abusing pills. It's a struggle, but I'm doing very good with it and I'm proud of myself. The moment I get triggers it always has something to do with my abuser or something he said. It's as if the things he says haunts me. So now I try to write down on a piece of paper positive things and how the things he said meant nothing and that he only said it to bring me down. One thing I want more than anything is to have a few friends. I miss laughing. I really do. Have no problem doing things on my own which is a good thing. Haven't been able to do that and depended too much on people. Just wish I could have a few friends to talk with every so often. Thanks for listening.
You should be very proud of yourself! It sounds like you're doing the things you need to do to keep yourself healthy. I'm rooting for you.
Sorry to hear that you are going through this Peaceful_LotusFlower, but I'm glad to hear that things are getting better It's ok to have some personal boundaries. When someone asks you what's wrong, it's ok to say something like "nothing thanks, I'm fine" even if you aren't fine, or even just, "none of your business". Someone may be asking because they want to help, but if you don't want to tell them it's ok not to. You're welcome!
Hello! I can really relate with you! I have been diagnosed with bipolar disorder as well. It makes life more challenging, to say the least! Congratulations on not using drugs..that can be very difficult. Try to avoid people, places, and things that trigger you to use. Abusive relationships..wow, I’ve had my share as well. People who put others down really do not like themselves and they project hate onto other individuals. They just say disparaging things to people to destroy their self esteem and to keep their victim down. In abusive relationships, the guy will verbally abuse his victim to make her feel like she’s worthless and cannot do any better in finding a mate, so she’ll stay with him. Predators are experts at manipulation and mental abuse. I’m sorry that happened to you. Try not to internalize the crap that he said to you. I know it’s hard! I understand when you said it haunts you. That’s what he wanted. So terrible..Tell yourself it’s not real..Well, your on your way to healing Take good care!
