Ptsd- Nightmare Disorder Discussion Thread

So, I have what my therapist called Dream Anxiety Disorder, which is part of a symptom of Generalized Anxiety Disorder. I am an extreme introvert and have a tendency to hold in my stress and just make myself deal with it or "get over it" as I tell myself. Over the past couple of years I had done a really great job of managing my own stress and maintaining a control on my dreams. However, over the past couple of years I have had an overwhelming amount of stress for anyone and I am only human. Therefore my personal management of my own stress has not been the best it could be. I'm honestly surprised that this is the first nightmare that I've had in quite a while.

Just a bit of back story if you don't know me: My mother passed away in April after several major crisis and a huge falling out between she and I. She was not well mentally but refused to accept the help she needed.
My sister just turned 20 and had 2 children which she lost a year ago this month due to "failure to thrive" after nearly starving them both. They're both really long stories but that is the information needed for this particular dream.

In my dream, the time at which this happens seems to be irrelevant as my mind doesn't seem to have processed my mother's passing or my sister's situation. I arrive at her apartment and discover that there are trash bags EVERYWHERE. As I look around, I realize what is in these bags....they are all bodies. We don't discuss it, as my mother simply refers to them as "problems she had that got fixed". I see a young man with dark hair in a cowboy hat....quite young and you could see in his face that he was likely down to earth and gentle. I see another in the floor of her bedroom where the trashbag is starting to fall apart and open up and it is a young african american girl. She is wearing bright pink, orange, yellow, very juvenile shades of these colors and had matching beads in her hair. This is all I can see about her personality and age as her face has started to deteriorate.

At this point I am panicking pretty hard...my mother seems to be very nonchalant about the whole ordeal. As she acts as though they are simply vessels which no longer contain life. It never seems to occur to me to turn her in...to have her arrested...at first I simply want out of there. Morning came soon and I would leave as soon as I could...I wouldn't have to say anything, I could just slip out. Eventually I realize that people will not stop coming in and out and maybe I can keep them hidden until we can properly dispose of them....

Throughout my dream (like in a lot of my dreams) my mother is also my sister. They seem to fade in and out of each other's existence depending on where I am in my dream.

Why would I do this for them? What kind of person does this make me?
I know that they would not have a way of explaining themselves...and they would probably hurt the person that confronts them about this....so what else do I do but help them? They are family, as they remind me all the time.

Eventually my husband shows up in the midst of all of this and I beg him to help me. Which he openly agreed to. At this point is when I jolt myself awake. Maybe it's because it became too unreal as my husband disliked/s both of them and would never cover for them like that in a million years. Or maybe I was just at a point in my sleep cycle where it was easier to wake up..


While I am not 100% sure why my brain unconsciously decided to represent my family this way, it still somehow did not surprise me. As this situation was quite extreme, it was not something strange for me to get wrapped up in covering up things for my mother, in many ways. And in many ways it was part of what enabled her to go downhill so quickly.

I don't know. My brain is still processing it.

Regardless, I want this thread to be for those with this particular issue...if you have an experience you want to share, advice to give on keeping your dreams at bay, or even an interpretation of someone else's shared horrible experience

 

I love the way you write, Bunnielight. I'd read anything you ever write, on any topic.

In your dream, your husband is more willing to be helpful .. but in reality, he is not. It got your attention, caused you to wake up. In my opinion, that is probably the most important piece of information that the dream was communicating to you, because that's the point when you woke up. Definitely something to explore.

Interesting that your mother and sister fade in and out of each other's existence. You all do seem to be / have been very, very close.

You could try to write a note before you go to sleep and ask your mother (or the part of your psyche / mind that is representing her) what she wants you to know. Intention. Hopefully, your dream will respond.

 

Personally, I dislike dreaming. It makes me cringe.

 

First thought that popped into my head... you felt helpless to help them in life when these real things happened... or that you didn't help them, or they didn't let you, or..whatever.... so in your dream that is you dealing with how you wished you could have helped them.

I think the dream also shows that you feel your mom and sister have guilt in the situations that happened to them...

and the dream is your way of processing these two things.

Just my two cents.