Pregnant x ruining my life

What the hell, yes she runs her business, but did it ever occur to you how much she loved me?

The controlling ways was simple, she did it because she didnt want anyone else to have me, she wanted me more than anything and would of done anything for that to happen.

Now its like this she could still be in belief that she will get me back. Thus doing things like that = she believes its a chance we could be close again. When she has text my mum she has even told her she loves me that much and wants me back.

She wants to make it as uncomfortable for me as possible so either I crack and get back with her or have a somewhat more uncomfortable life without her


The words "Money can not buy you everything" in fact is very true especially when it comes to this

 

Buddy... your life SHOULD be uncomfortable... you are living at home with mommy, fathering children you aren't going to support and then moving onto new women...

 

Yeah, why do men not realize that birth control is not 100% and you cannot place the blame on just her. She may have lied, or forgot. The pill may have failed. Either way, you still fucked her without a condom, idiot.

 

I think the focus should be on what's important here, and that doesn't really include attacking the OP for something that can't be undone, in my book. Constructive comments would be pretty useful right now, which is probably why he started the thread. What matters is the wellbeing of all these people, especially the child.

People rarely learn by having people bitch at them or calling them names. So yes, fucking the chick without a condom was silly, as I'm sure he has realised now that there's a child on the way...does repeating that over and over help any of these people? No. Humans make mistakes and some of them are awful. Let's move on.

 

I agree with your intent, however, you are missing the part where a person has to think they are responsible and want to take actions to solve the issues in front of him.

He wants to whine and bitch about it and have people tell him its okay that he knocked up a chick and give him arguments that he can use against his mother in order to all him to walk away and do it again with chick number 2...

 

Kind of.

And he still doesn't even understand what happened with her.

She does not "love" you, she's psycho and attached to you, and determined to drag you down with her, like a drowning swimmer. "I'll kill myself" is just classic, and so is having a kid to trap guys. She sees her life going nowhere, and decided you're where it's going.

Assuming you can handle a kid, you DO sort of have the upper hand. She WILL cooperate with you, if you're gentle but firm about what you're doing. Don't concede to any bullshit, DO NOT, on ANY account, get back with her, and concentrate on fixing your situation before the kids born. Maybe she'd move where you are now, before then. Either way, work on getting a place of your own, but if your mom's going to support you with no hard feelings, take all the help you can get so you can work and save all your money until then.

Make it clear that you will NOT get back with her because of a kid, you will support your kid and have only the very worst opinion of it's mother. The plan is for you to fall back into an emotional black hole of a relationship with her with this kid holding you together. Don't let it happen, don't let her think it will. You'll still have the upper hand, even more so, maybe, if you play it right. If she says some crazy shit when you say you won't get with her "for the kid", (which may come up quite a few times) don't let it get to you, don't lose your cool, never give in.

Do you have an education? Or are you in the process of getting one? I missed that, if you said it before.... But if so, DO NOT stop school because of this.

Also, make sure you don't have ANOTHER kid. Once is one thing, twice, without a stable situation, is.... you'd deserve whatever happens, and then some. SAFE sex with your other interest, and if she's serious about things she'll understand this situation and it won't change things (unless you've hidden lots of your past from her).

 

See, for me, I read through the things he posts and I ask myself...

Does this seem like the type of person to share both sides of a story fairly? Is he the type to own up to mistakes and take responsibilty for them? Is he the type to tell the truth when bitching and whining about what he has done?

The answer to all of them, to me anyway, is no....

Forget what he has said happened... look at the facts of what he says...

He is 25, living at home with mommy, making pretty much no money. By his own admission, he doesn't have a lot of friends.

She is 25, living on her own, running her own business, making money and employing people. She has (according to him) lots of friends and family that would support her IF she needed it (which she apparently doesn't).

Which of these two people do you really think is the psycho?

 

Well I see what you mean. But what he's describing is pretty much perfect psycho bitch behavior, too.

Also, it sort of sounds like she thinks he just can't reject her, because of that situation she's in, compared to him. That despite a complete failure of a relationship, she can drag in with her situation's contrast to his, because she apparently still does "love" him.

Also, I don't think depending on your parents is a problem.... I'm 20, and have a kid..... my parents just made my first child support payment, to keep me out of jail, I'm totally a dependent and they're putting me through college. I guess one difference is that I don't have a plan, but I am doing something to get somewhere, getting a job, a degree, etc.... but many/most people wouldn't think much of me. (Also, a lot of people think my parents just gave me everything.... I think if their parents didn't help them with college, etc, their parents TOOK from them-I plan on being in a situation to put my kid through school, and help as long as she could need anything and I'm alive-I can't stand the "you're 18, and my responsibilities have ended" way of looking at having kids, and I didn't have to deal with it and won't make my kid(s). It's a pretty cold, shallow way of looking at family-it's like saying not ONLY where you a mistake, but now that you're 18 I'll pretend you never existed.... Like retiring from a job you hate)

 

Well, we don't know what she acts like, or does or anything else about her... we know what he has said... which comes back to wether or not you think he is being honest... I don't.

There is NOTHING wrong with living at home with your parents... even with a child... In fact, I would be quite happy to let my daugher have her own place here and live here when she gets older... Sharing resources and responsibilities is a great thing.

However, when you are doing so because you are 'stuck' and have no other options, and you are constantly bitching and whining about how horrible it is that you are living there, then there is a HUGE freakin problem with it... add in running around, dating, getting women pregnant and bailing on them, then wanting to bring more women home when the first one still hasnt even given birth?

 

"
He is 25, living at home with mommy, making pretty much no money. By his own admission, he doesn't have a lot of friends.

She is 25, living on her own, running her own business, making money and employing people. She has (according to him) lots of friends and family that would support her IF she needed it (which she apparently doesn't).

Which of these two people do you really think is the psycho?"
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What the hell?

Firstly if you read things I no longer have a lot of friends because of this girl. Before getting with her I had plenty of friends. I lost a lot of them when I was with her because I was either travelling down to see her or not allowed to spend time with them. When we finally broke up a lot of friends I previously had joined new circles of friends or moved on with their lives elsewhere.

She has the business because firstly her parents have cash to throw around an invested in a premises for her, and did most of the work, she lives in a big city where its easier to run a business like the 1 she runs and both her brothers and sister have helped run it. Whenever its run into the ground her parents throw a bit of cash her way and shes bailed out time and time again.

Yes she has more friends and family to help her but its hardly surprising, her family is bigger, she lives in a bigger place with more people, she has the cash to go where she likes and where theres money theres friends.

I mean hasnt it entered your mind as to why iv never thought of moving out (apart from the cash)? I mean im not going into detail because to be quite frank its none of your business and isnt relevant towards the situation, but if truth be told a terminally ill family member is also living here and I have been helping out look after them for the past 7 years, if for example I moved out chances are my mum wouldnt cope and they would be put in care.

The bottom line is people never know that someone is "psycho" until they are with them, to anyone a "psycho" person seems completely normal, until you gain a close bond and you realise they are far from normal.

Sobbing because I didnt follow their routine and call them everynight at the time they demanded, checking profiles of anyone who added me to FB, demanding any girl/woman who spoke to me was to be ignored (even at work), then constantly telling me they cant trust or believe a word I say simply because I didnt give an exact number of x's I have had as it was on the spot and she found out by searching my FB history, Coming off the pill without telling me just so she could get pregnant and hope we stay together forever = psycho.


How would I not be honest? Its a message board, People dont know me and I dont know anyone here, I need advice to help myself in the current situation, not being honest is going to get me advice which is different to the advice I need.

 

Yeah, alright... whatever you say.... (why you would think more words from someone I think is lying would help I really have no clue...)

There is no sense in me continuing in here, you've heard all I have to say on it... I would just be repeating myself even more to continue.

You want to keep brushing over the fact that even if all of what you said is 100% true, that YOU are the one who chose to fuck her, repeatedly.

Even if you had used condoms, made sure she was on the pill, used spermicidal cream and pray to 16 gods, the simple fact is that when you put your dick into a chick, you are responsible for any children that result from it.

It doesn't matter if she lied, if she is the most controlling bitch in the world, if she is truly psychotic... what matters is you fathered a child...

Accept the responsibility for that and do the best you can to help raise that child in the best environment that you can. What your personal feelings are towards this woman are 100% irrelevent now... they should have been relevent before you stuck your dick in her...

That child should be your new first priority in life besides survival. It didn't do a damn thing to deserve anything less.

 

And by the way, it's your responsibility to maintain your own friendships; not your partner's.

 

Maybe so but it still puts factor that the plan for "birth control" is to not have kids, then when it happens it should still be the practice? (otherwise people may as well use nothing and take risks every single time),

Then with friendships it was just difficult, every weekend I spent down there or she was here, then in the week I was working, the only time I had to meet friends was evening, but that would be the time she expected us to talk on the phone... and if I did other boyy was I in for about 2 hours or tears and non stop screaming and blaming me. Take 1 occasion, I met a friend I was really close mates with, at the pub she kept phoning me, telling me she needed to talk to me, so i went to pub toilets, she just had a normal chat, nothing important, I went back to my pint and less than 30 mins later she phoned and phoned and phoned, telling me I had to leave and chat to her,

 

you should have said you'd get back with her if she aborted it....

 

My boyfriend has had this problem. He was dating a girl who was trying to trap him into staying with her forever. She started out by begging him to let her move in then she went from taking birth control to not taking it then she got pregnant and after the baby was born she started to plan a wedding. All this and he had no idea what she was doing until he caught her. He kicked her out and of course she has their son but they haven't been to court or anything. He pays for everything that kid needs and does, day care, clothes, food, etc. All she does is give him a place to live. She doesn't have a job and is living with her parents. I would assume she is waiting for him to take her back but that's not going to happen. He wasn't ready for a kid. He was a high school drop out and was living on his own by the age of 17. But when his son was born that changed everything for him. You might be thinking now that you're not ready but that is practically normal for most, if not all, men. If you wait and look at that baby then chances are you will want that baby in your life. Like someone else said, lay down the law with her. She can't make you stay with her no matter what. Here is a trick, if she goes into the whole suicidal thing to try to get you to do something tell her to go ahead and do whatever she is going to do when you say no. They NEVER do it! And she especially won't do it because of the baby. I hope you will be a part of this babies life. You can't punish the child because the mom is a complete idiot. If you have to go to court and tell them about her telling you she is suicidal and everything and get sole custody of the baby. It seems like your mom wants the grandchild. Get sole custody and have your mom help you. The Lord gave you a baby for a reason. Don't think of it as a curse, think of it as a blessing.

 

that's a very pretentious point of view you have. unless you are mr. perfect who has never made a single mistake in his life, misunderstood things, trusted people who shouldn't be trusted, that's a huge judgment. and it does matter that she lied. she purposefully ignored his wishes (him having made clear to her he didn't want kids) and manipulated him. this is not even the case 'he-fucked-without-a-condom-got-her-pregs-and-now-he-is-responsible'; this is 'he-told-her-he-didn't-want-kids-and-she-got-herself-pregnant-without-his-knowing-to-trap-him'. so every time someone screws a guy over like this he should just take it?

you're saying is if a guy sticks his dick up someone's **** he should also be ready for pregnancy or not fuck at all. big words. have you only fucked women with whom you were ready to have a child then?

your point of view on things is completely polar. a guy either fucks and is ready for child support, or he shouldn't fuck at all. life is not so black and white however. you can't apply such a radical judgment on things that have a lot more angles to them.

i know you won't get it. you will keep repeating the same one mantra you've been on since your first post on this thread. my approach to life and things is not so extreme.

 

You're approach to life leaves children without fathers to support them.

My point of view is extremely polar... The mother, doesn't matter, in terms of if she lied or not... the father doesn't matter, in terms of if he is a complete putz or not... what matters... and I know this is hard for you, but try to wrap your head around it... is the KID....

The kid was made by two people... they are both responsible for it... regardless of lies, stupidity, or anything else short of rape.

 

yeah it is sad that people on these internet forums tend to form final judgments on individuals they've never even met. it takes a lot more (face to face meeting at least) to get an idea of what kind of a person you might be dealing with. it's all very pretentious and you should just look past that.

my advice to you is get a lawyer man. i know you said you didn't make a lot of money, but i really think you can save a lot more by paying off a good lawyer now than letting her do whatever she wants. start saving money for one, or try to get a loan, whatever, it will pay off. the earlier you get a legal side involved in this mess the less chance she will have to twist reality to her point of view. if things are the way you've been describing them then legally you're not that fucked yet. this can be turned around to your advantage. but you need a lawyer.

and who knows, maybe once she gets a call from your attorney, she might back off a little.

 

i grew up without a father. i never knew him. he fucked my mom without a condom and i was the result. i didn't fit into his life, and he never made a single attempt to get to know me.

and not for once in my life have i held that against him. in a weird way, i understood it. he had another life somewhere and i could have never been part of that.

and while i would have preferred to have a father as opposed to growing up without one, i would have never for a single moment wanted him to be with me out of guilt, out of sense of artificial responsibility, or societal/cultural pressure. i'd rather he stayed away, which he did.

and in the current situation this kid was not made by two people. it was made by one. that is what you fail to understand.

 

And yet you judged a woman who you have never even heard of, on the basis of what someone online said....