Potentially love a girl, she has a girlfriend.

So I became friends with this girl like 4months ago, through a best friend of mine. She's gay, I'm gay, and we hit it off more than anything I have ever felt before, immediately, like full on crazy eye contact, physical contact stuff! However at this time she's already started seeing a girl. 4 months on and they're officially a couple now. It sucks.

However, during this time there has been a lot of talk as to whether we like each other through mutual friends etc, 1 extremely drunken kiss and much adoo about nothing really. She came to me about it, basically asked me how I felt (she's quite reserved, has been hurt before) and I told her that we're just good friends who like to flirt but there is nothing in it and I'm happy for her and her girlfriend.

Obviously this is me being a 'good guy' as I don't wanna be that person who interferes with a relationship she had already started. If we get together it should be at a time where we're both clear of mind and nobody else could get hurt. The problem is...I really fucking like her, and can't get her out of my head. I know the solution is to back off, spend less time with her and get over it. If anything is gonna happen it will happen right? It's not fair for me to force the issue.

Part of me wants to deliver some movie style behavior to make this happen, but I know this will only make things worse (and it's only been 4 months!!!) My only fear is maybe when she came to me about it, was that her way of saying, If you want this, tell me now?? I sound mental I know, but I'm heading the wrong side of 25 soon so know this isn't a crush, been there done that. I feel something special with her.

Ugh. Women. Help me out girls!

 

Wow, there's obviously something real going on between you two. My bet is that when she asked what the kiss meant for you, she was was desperate to hear that it meant a big deal.... and got super disappointed. Tell her how you really feel (or at least give her a hint if you're a shy person). If the Relationship she has with that other girl is meant to last, it will, but honestly i doubt it. It sounds like she really likes you too.

 

What a confusing situation, I'm definitely not jealous of you.... :/ but I think that the other girl is in a worse position than you. She obviously likes you but she met you exactly when she started dating that other girl. I mean, the timing couldn't be worse in my opinion. And note that she liked that other girl first. I understand why you don't want to interfere but if I were in your position I don't think I would be able to keep my mouth shut for a long time, especially if she gave me signs that she's into me too :/

 

it's really difficult. She definitely has an issue on her hands. The amount of awkward situations we find oursleves in, e.g. minor arguments over nothing, avoiding talking about her gf to me.

1 thing I failed to mention....we work together. Obviously this makes the whole thing a little more intense as work has to come first, so I have to put my personal feelings aside to make sure we do our job properly.

'sigh'.

If I were to tell her, and get knocked back, I'm not sure I could handle it.

 

Ok yeah work makes it even more complicated.... If you think you wouldn't be able to handle a potential rejection then you're gonna have to test yourself on suppressing your feelings and be patient...very patient :/

 

Rejection is the worst, we ALL hate it, from when we are very young too!

My advice would be to decide if you are truly having strong feelings for her (and not just a crush), you need to tell her how you really feel. It's not really up to you to decide to break up their relationship, but I feel as though you owe her the honest version of you and not the "good guy" version you provided.

I understand you work together, but people change jobs all the time. If you guys become serious or way way worse, things get awkward at one point you had best not speak up to her unless you are prepared to move on in your life to get away from the awkward situation.

I remember a piece of advice somebody once gave me. I had a crush on somebody, really badly. I wanted her so badly. She was dating a guy but had told me before that she was curious about girls (and why would she tell ME that, right???) Somebody told me that she is either going to fall madly in love and marry that guy forever, or one day she would become single again, and if I truly wanted to be with her that I could afford to wait to see if she wanted to be with me...well not 6 months later their relationship ended...and it turned out I wasn't actually all that interested in her anymore (life is beautiful when we accept change...) I will likely never know how it would feel to kiss her wonderful lips...oh well I found somebody better for me anyway