Hey Hipforum - I've been a member here for a very long time... I even had an old sn before this one. I must confess, I'm maybe a weekly silent stalker here now, I barely post at all. Anyways, I've been through a pretty rough break up recently and I can't seem to find where the "relationships" forum went so I guess this is my next best option. I've always found the people here to be super cool and supportive, so here goes. Basically, I when I began dating this girl two years ago she was fully involved with college and I with work. I'm several years older than her. We had a strong bond and great relationship (or so it really seemed) for 18 months. I won't go into details, but we saw each other daily, we shared just about everything. Anyways, when she got closer to graduation she told me she wanted to stay in Michigan to be with me. I was super happy about that. Then she took off traveling for a while and when she got back she told me she wanted to get out of the state, but we would make it work. We took an awesome vacation with her family a couple weekends ago and had a wonderful time. I had to go back home and she stayed with them for another few days and told me we would have a few weeks together in our city to figure things out. When she got back she invited me over and I went over so excited to see her. The first thing she told me was that she was moving out of town in 5 days and going ALONE. End of story. It felt like my heart just got ripped out. She was super tearful and told me many times how much she loved me and was in love with me but she just needed to move onto the next phase of her life alone. As pissed and heartbroken as I was, I stayed cool. I told her it hurt and I loved her more than I could possibly say, but I understood and I really respected her honesty and that I wished her the best. After about an hour of drawing it out I finally left. I did call a few hours later to say "look, I really miss you already and if you want me to come over you let me know and I'll be right there." She said no, and that she needed space but to "not delete my number because I am not deleting yours." She also asked if it would be ok if she checked in on me at some undisclosed point in the future. I said I didn't know. She asked to remain friends on facebook and I said no. I suppose I said that out of anger and just wanting to move on. But that's the hard part. It's been three days now. I keep looking at my phone hoping so much that she'll call me. She asked me for space and I need to respect that. Well, I'm choosing to respect that. I keep trying to justify in my head it would be ok to call her to invite her to meet up and say goodbye in person before she leaves the state in a few days. That's silly. Maybe ironically I've been behaving healthier in the last 3 days than I have in a long time. I've been eating, exercising, not smoking, taking daily showers and always wearing clean clothes. Of course I want her to call me. But by wishing she would change her mind and reconsider I am asking her to be something that she isn't. And that isn't love. Ben
I don't see any reason why you shouldn't ask to see her before she leaves. If anything, it would give you a chance to talk to her with a clear head.
Don't do it. She wants to move on - let her go. Don't contact her. You'll look like a little whining puppy dog craving attention. She already threw you a bone with the Facebook "friends" deal. You need to move on. She already has.
You're taking better care of yourself because you know deep down that it is indeed over and you have to move on. What sucks is having to remain behind and live amongst all of the places and people you knew as a couple. Until I met Jane, my wife, ALL of my previous relationships ended badly. Most of them left me suddenly though in many cases I was able to look back and see that I had been ignoring obvious signs. When they go from Jekyll to Hyde suddenly, it can seem like the world has just caved in. Family was useless to me after these breakups because their advice was always the same, "get over it and move on". One of the women who dumped me after a 4 year relationship contacted me a year later and actually took me to dinner. After about 20 minutes of sitting across the table from her I realized that the aching feeling I had been carrying for a year was gone. Not because she came back into my life, but because I suddenly realized I was actually over her and the ache was just a pattern I had grown used to. I got up to go to the bathroom and never returned to the table. To this day I wonder if she ate both meals or took one home, to what used to be our dog. That's as deep as my feelings for her went by that time. It was a powerful feeling.
She needs to move on, fine. But it's completely out of the blue. I think she owes you a better explanation. If she showed you every sign that everything was going along fine, and then bam, she wants to leave, that's bullshit. If she told you something was wrong earlier, you would have had a chance to try to fix it. I think she's got to take the blame for this not working out. Um, dude. Do you think health and hygiene issues are part of why things didn't work out?
Not trying to be harsh btw, but health and hygiene could have been part of her reasons. She still should have said something if something was bothering her.
This is the worst part about women man. They don't only tear your heart out. They give you some hope to hurt you even further. Forget her, don't expect her to come back. If it were a standard healthy relationship, this scenario wouldn't exist. You did good by saying no to being friends on FB and shit. It hurts now, and I know it may seem like the only way to feel better is for her to come back (get back together). But it's done, and the sooner you realize that, the sooner you will feel better. You'll meet someone else and not have this problem, and will feel better for doing so. Idk why the heart makes you feel like you'll only ever find one person, I'm sure there's millions of people who could fulfill the requirments of a "soul mate" so do what you can to be happy
Just an update... she ended up inviting me to lunch "to say bye" before she left town... which led to two more nights of sleeping together. Which was amazing at the time, but then she just packed her shit and was like ok cya. Awesome. Well, she's way across the country now and we are not currently speaking. So moving on...
this could not be more obvious unless she blew the new dude right in front of the old dude op you should be glad she threw you a fuck before she went off.....do what we all do in this situation and go fuck her best friend
I've been through a tough break up with some similar themes about two years ago.....It was an intense love affair, white hot really, and well, let me just say she drew me in, all the way in, and I allowed myself to love her deeply, meanwhile ignoring warning signs (there were many) that she was putting out to me. When the going got tough, she put the breaks on the relationship and turned to ice.....sort of. Right after we broke up, she threw around ideas like "maybe we can have casual sex sometime..." and "I really want us to stay friends, really close friends...." and since then she has put out all kinds of mixed signals about keeping in touch and then if I do decide to keep in touch and take the bait, I'd send an email or a text that wouldl be ignored for weeks. I have moved on, thankfully, and I did so not by trying to make myself stop loving her because I think that would be very difficult. For some reason, I adore her, even though her behaviour really annoys me. Instead of closing up my heart and being a jerk to her, I have simply let her go....and let go of any notion that she and I will be together. That is a fantasy based on my feelings alone. So, I think you will let her go, especially because she has moved away (my ex gf lives very close by and I see her often around town....). This is tough stuff, it is the hardest thing to go through whether you are a man in this situation or a woman in a similar situation. A true connection between two people is elusive, and I have found, quite rare. Meanwhile, go out and have fun! Be healthy, get in shape, and do stuff. Staring at your phone in the hopes she might text....I been there man and that's a losing game! Good luck!
