poly/open relationships

Congrats!

I recommend that book to anyone interested in nonmonogamy.

 

Also recommend Open by Rachel Krantz.

 

I recommend living it and as I did for 20+ years, one legal wife, two poly wives; three of my own children and two for our first poly wife. The craziest fucking thing I've ever agreed to do in my life. One of the best things I've ever done in my life, too.

 

Amen! Preach it, Brother!

 

I gave my wife permission to have sex with others, and she did a few times in her 30's. When she turned 40, she decided to stop fucking others although she has had offers. OUr conditions were no friends, condoms required, only one date per man, and complete honesty with me in reporting her sex activities. It worked for us.

 

I would disagree that most succesful ones don't come with open doors. An awful lot of monogamous relationships end in divorce, those that don't, end in death (OK, I'm joking on the last part, even though it's true...)

There is no guarantee with any relationship, but I would argue that an open relationship, where the partners are honest and respectful of each other, can create a deeper bond of love than you may find in a monogamous relationship. My wife and I have had an open relationship since 1987. We are very much in love, and I believe that there is a trust and honesty between us that is most likely deeper than in other marriages.

In fact, I would go so far as to say that anyone who marries a filipina might want to keep the possibility of an open relationship in mind because there is a lot of infidelity in that culture, and there is a mythos in the Philippines idealizing monogamy and fidelity introduced by the Spanish, and you will commonly here that Filipinas are the most faithful, and will love you forever, which does not match the actuality of many mistresses and lovers, and the epidemic of broken marriages (and this in a country where divorce is illegal!). A marriage that ends in cheating is not an open marriage. There is a very big difference in having a lover while cheating on a spouse, and having a lover while in an open relationship. I know more marriages with Filipinas that have ended in divorce than I can count. And my wife and I met while we were both in unhappy marriages. She was my mistress and I her lover. (I never intended to cheat on my first wife, but I was trying to get out of the marriage when I met my Filipina wife on a train in Tokyo.) And she was stunning and always got a huge amount of male attention, so I could have eaily spent my marriage as a jealous nervous wreck.

Can you fall in love with your extramarital partner in an open relationship. Yes. In fact the partner my wife spent the most time with (all together he was her lover for close to twenty years), she did fall in love with. So you have to make sure that you provide all the attention and love that she needs, and that you do it best of all, after all you are his or her partner. You made vows.

We had rules going into it---such as if one of us develops feelings for another, than we have to add another partner to keep it as a sexual thing and hopefully defuse the strength of that relationship. We did do that. I knew it would not make her stop seeing him. Perhaps it helped. Another factor for us is that he did not want an open relationship, but unfortunately for him, she was my spouse and so he had no say in that. But he wanted to think that she was not having sex with me. So in some ways, it was like she was cheating on him with me. Every time they had sex, she came home to me and we had sex. We'd even go to the apartment he had set up as a love nest and have sex in his (or you could say their) bed so there was sneaking around on our part which was the excitement at the beginning of our relationship. Or there were times when they were together, and I would wait for him to leave, and have sex there. But I always did my best to make sure that I was the one she wanted the most, needed the most, and we were always honest and intimate with each other.

He tried many times to marry her, but she would never leave me. Eventually he gave up and left the State, which was hard on her, but she had me. Sometimes he will come back and they will have sex, and I have even let them travel together. But she loves me, more than she will ever love him. We have been through thick and thin together, and she knows I will always be there for her no matter what.

In fact, for most of our relationship, she was too jealous for it to be open on my side. But I experienced and loved it through her. Then when she did finally allow it for me as well, with a Filipina friend who had gone through a divorce, this girl quickly developed feelings for me, and when we tried to get her to date and so forth, she decided that I was the only one that could satisfy her, so I had to end that relationship.

As I said, any relationship is risky. Any relationship requires respect, attention, love, communication. And any relationship can have those things break down. As a part of respect, if my wife wanted a monogamous relationship, I would have supported her in monogamy. But the idea of sharing her would have always been a fantasy, and a source of frustration. To be honest, that was a fantasy in my first marriage (but that is not the problem that led to our break up, it was the way she manipulated me). With my current wife, would it have led me to cheat on her at some point? I don't know. I would like to think, no, but I don't know. It could have even possibly lead me into manipulating her into an affair, but then she would have been cheating on me, there would not have been the honesty, and the trust, and so forth.

I will say this, from the very first time we started dating, we have had a very highly sexually charged relationship. I look around at all the boring monogamous relationships in my neighborhood and know that they don't get anywhere as much sex as I have had through out my marriage. I am pretty sure that most men my age, need medicine to perform. In validation of the maxim, use it or lose it, that has never been the case with me.

 

Open relationships and polyamory are two different scenarios. I've been in both. We had a friend of my spouse who was trying to finish college move in with us. In time Patricia and I became close. We actually fell in love. My spouse and Pat were the best of friends if not having a love between them too. Nothing sexual but they loved each other as close sisters do, maybe even stronger. In time sex happened between us. With my spouses approval and encouragement I spent many a night in Pats bed. She moved away after completing her degree taking a position out of state. It wasn't far from us, a couple hours drive. My spouse and I would visit every now and then. We loved each other until the day she died.

 

Completely open relationship here. When my boyfriend and I first got serious four years ago, we agreed we'd both continue having sex with whoever we wanted to. It has worked great for us.

 

I would never say we have an open relationship. That is reserved for my wife and I only.

That said, We are open to playing with others. We play together and stay together about once a month with friends.

 

Welcome! I see your from the Land of Enchantment! Love that place! Hope you enjoy the HF adventure! ;-)

 

Thanks!

 

I was in a poly-fidelity relationship with two women in my 20's. Honestly it was probably the healthiest relationship I've ever been in.

 

I had more lasting relationships with several boys/girls at once in my teens and twenties. I don't know which one it is, but it was really good!

 

At one point I was in a poly-fidelity relationship for just shy of 4 years. A poly-fidelity is more like a monogamous relationship. There were three of us living together and for the most part we were exclusive to each other. Quite frankly it was probably the healthiest relationship I ever had before or after. If you want to try a poly relationship of any kind go for it. Life is very fleeting.

 

That's us but more. Our group right now is 7 guys and 3 of us girls. My 2 girlfriends live together (we 3 are bi) and my BabyLove and I live together. We are all very careful about any other guys or girls that we fuck, for the sake of everyone's health and peace of mind, very very important. I love our exclusive little paradise.