Hello all. So, I'm happy being a lesbian, but I have been having a relationship now with someone who "doesn't want to b gay" for over 9 months now. I'm 41 and she's 38. I'm not her first female sex partner, but she said I'm the first female she's ever had a relationship with or fallin in love with. She is in denial of being a lesbian, doesn't want to be gay. She tells me she's confused. Plus, she has 2 kids, 12 and 16. She lives w her sister and her sisters wife. Yes her sister is gay too. But some of her concerned is how her kids will react. Mind you I'm pretty sure her kids know because I've spent the night a few times. Anyway I'm so sad and confused, because when we are alone she treats me great, but around her kids or public she treats me like I don't exist. Or sometimes she's totally ok, holds my hand, kisses me in public. But around no one we know. We have broken up several times already, because I jus get frustrated And made at how she doesn't seem to have feels or care. She gets cold and quiet. Anyway we had our biggest blowout yet last weekend, and I just couldn't stay away from her. I missed her so much. I'm so in love with her. I surprised her at her house (no kids) and she had actually gone out the night b4 w another sister and got drunk. She said cuz she was depressed. She told me she wasn't going to call or text me. She said its easier for her to not deal with her feelings. Well we spent all weekend together. It was great. But today is back to reality. But she says she loves me and she doesn't know if and when she will come out. She said she doesn't want to lose me, but it's not fair to me. I wanna be supportive to her, which I have these past months. I think I'm crazy and all my friends tell me to let her come to me. I don't know. Advice suggestions. Sorry for long story wanted to give enough details. Thanks for listening
Hi there. Sounds like a tough situation. I guess it must be hard for her because she hasn't lived her whole life as gay, and now she is afraid of people's attitude's changing towards her. It's lucky that she has her sister very close in her life to show her that being openly gay is not bad. Perhaps your friends are right in saying let her come to you- I mean, have you discussed monogamy? If she has expressed that she wants you not to see anyone else then she has to understand that certain things must be expected from her. If not, then maybe you could start to 'see other people' (although I understand that you love her and she may be the only one you want to be with!) but if you do maybe she will realise what she is losing with you, or worse case scenario you could meet someone else!
