Platonic Relationships

Discussion in 'Love and Sex' started by FreeSpirited420, May 22, 2004.

  1. Alright, I have this person in my life, who I love very much. He's my bestfriend. We've known eachother for about ten years, but really just got to know eachother in the last three. During these last three years of us being friends we had the pleasure of working with eachother.

    We're friends, and it's been pointed out that we'll never date, because what we have is too good to fuck up. But, it just seems my life is only complete to a degree. There is one element in my life that's missing, and thats intimacy. (Which because I'm aware of this it could have led to promiscuousity (oh man thats a long word!) ) but it has not. Anyway... My friendship with this person means the world to me.

    Long story short, we're bestfriends and everything is groovy. But one thing, I'm in love with him. He's my day and night, etc. I have really strong feelings for him. I just know that I cannot have him. Recently, he started dating an acquaintance of mine. At first I thought it was a great idea, now I think it's the most shittiest idea ever. She's doing things with him that should be done with me. It's driving me up the wall.
    The reason why I'm writing this post, is to ask if anyone has ever had a relationship like this. Post your "I'm in Love with my bestfriend....and he doesn't know/doesn't love me in the same way" stories.



    Added part:

    When I was 16, my bestfriend (who was also male) committed suicide at 15. Ever since then that void of having a bestfriend of the male persuasion was there until I met this person, who I wrote about above. Ironically, these two people look alike, they have the same complexion, hair, eyes, but the friend who is alive is a bit taller (I'm sure if my friend were still alive, he'd be clearing 6'1 now.) I believe somehow, somewhere my friend who died, brought this person to me. Why I'm worried is, I really really fucked up our friendship, and he also was mentally ill so anything I did, had an impact on him, and at 16 I just didn't know. Why I'm so worried is, I'm afraid that this friend now will die, and I cherish every moment with him as if it were our last. I just want to make the best of it, and have everything go smoothly, and not fight on a semi-regular basis, over stupid shit all the time. I want to make memories with this person, and if something ever did (GOD FORBID) I had something positive to go back on (not like what I do with my friend who is deceased... I have mostly bad memories because we fought A LOT....because he wasn't stable)..... What I'm saying is.... I want to make the best of this, I want to be the wife, and mother of his children. I want to be his whole world, as he is mine. That's all I ask. I know if he ever read this, he'd laugh and tell me he loved me for being such a sweet friend. The part I am deathly afraid of is if this person ever were to go insane (because I am afraid that one day he just might...*) that I would be forever out a friend, of some kind to share life with.

    (*My friend took Larium before he went to South America, Larium is an anti-malaria drug, that is associated with suicidal thoughts + depression. Symptoms of depression/suicide can come out a week to twenty years later down the road)

    Here is what a good friend does, and why he stands out from all the others:

    This friend I speak of, he bought my mother (who is deceased, Bless her heart. She was a fellow Barefoot too.:p) a flower + a card to give to her at her resting place on Mothers day. This was totally BY surprise, and all I wanted to do was squeeze and hug him and tell him how much he meant to me. All I could say was, "Wow, I'm overwhelmed by such a generous, gracious gesture." How lame is that? I wanted to squeeze him and tell him that he is my pillar of strength, and I love him so much. But, instead I had to be a lame ass. Anyway, I thought I'd give you a little insight.

     
  2. jtryp

    jtryp Member

    i'm in sort of in the same boat as you. my bestfriend i love more than anything ect.we were together a couple years ago for about 6 months, had our fallouts, fights, went through a lot of shit but eventually maturity overcame our diffrences and were still bestfriends, neither of us want's to pursue a relationship again really. well sometimes i feel i do, i mean i love her so much and am missing intimacy in my life as well, not that i really mind so much, i'm not the typical horny one-tracked mind kinda guy, and she means so much more than that to me anyway. it's just i want to protect her from people using her or hurting her because i care so much and that seems the easiest option. starting a relationship with the person if you are as close as you say is kinda risky, but if you guys are really close even if you have a nasty breakup you guys should get over it like we did. we've hurt each other a lot and love has alway prevailed. you should really think it over and if you want to pursue a relationship let him know, instead of not saying anything, seriously that shit'll build up and you'll start to resent him and he will be none the wiser. defentaly not in the best intrests of the relationship. i'll say though it's a hell of a lot easier to just remain friends, i don't regret what me and that girl went through but it's was some of the roughest moments of my life.
     
  3. Thank you for sharing that.

    However, I think what I have with my friend is the most cherishable bond one could ever experience. We talk every night, just shoot the shit and talk about life. How it'll be when we're older. We have this quote, we adopted from my mom. "Love is marrying your bestfriend." Maybe right now it isn't in our destiny cards, or what not. Maybe further down the road. But the resentment grows more (I find) as soon as he hooks up with someone. It's like well, she lacks this and that... Which I have. When he describes his "dream girl", he describes me.

    However, I don't want to date him. I kind of like this little highschool crush thing I have going. We can joke about my feelings for him, no problem.
     
  4. jtryp

    jtryp Member

    same here

    i like to entertain that idea as well, i told her i wanted to marry her someday, not right away because were still so young but someday. she kinda got weirded out about it and said "good luck" yeah that made me feel great :rolleyes: that was like thursday i think.

    same here. it dosn't go away either, i mean you can trick yerself for a little while but it'll come back. serioulsly best thing for you to do imo is either realize you two are friends and nothing else or tell him how you feel.
     
  5. BlackVelvet

    BlackVelvet Members

    wow, I'm not the only one that had a best friend that was a guy, that I fell in love with, and wanted more, but was always too scared of fucking up the relationship..I met him 5 years ago, and we instantly connected..we both, talked to each other about everything..thingswe never told anyone else, not even our closest friends, just each other..but the thing is, our attraction for each other, kept getting the better of us, so we would go into this dating thing, then end up breaking up because both of us were too scared..this has went on for 5 years and I swear him and I have been together/broken up more than anyone else in the world..recently tho, we got together had a big argument then broke up, and we said goodbye..needless to say, i cried all night, and stayed away and stuff, he called my house searching for me..and we both talked things out when I got home from work, and everything has been great ever since..He said he loves me, and he doesn't want to be with out me..I didn't say everything in here, because you just can't know what all we have both been through together, and I could write a novel about the two of us and the hell we have been through together..but what I'm trying to say is, everytime we broke up, fought or anything, we instantly still were best friends..and now..I have a little bit of everything..he's my best friend, lover, someone I share everything with, and he's so amazing! I tried to date others, and only ended up hurting them, because my heart was always with him. So, I wish you luck and I hope, that you do get him because I have been there, and I couldn't ever move on with my life because I love him..now, I'm happier than I have ever been and I know..eveything with us is going to work out just fine [​IMG] ~Peace~
     
  6. We've already been through the "This is how i feel..."

    He said maybe someday down the road. I know I have a lot to change, for me to be able to keep up. I know he's got a lot to change as well. I am a firm believer in fate. We may not be ready for 'eachother' yet in this time in our lives. Maybe down the road. We've reiterated that we will be friends until we're old and wrinkly. ;)
     
  7. Thanks so much. I thought *I* was the only one who could write a novel about this. I have journal entries upon journal entries of shit that my friend has done to me and I've shrugged off and moved on from it. Sure, I was real super pissed when it happened now I've just shrugged it off. Everytime something like this happens, you're right... Instant bestfriends again. At least you've gone past that point that you guys DID date. Maybe it's not for the best "right now" like I've stated. But, we fight a lot... But, I think it's my defense mechanism to hide my feelings. I hold back a lot, and he has mentioned that he holds back a lot from me too. We've mentioned one night that we have a lot of "sexual tension" between us. It could happen, if we were irresponsible enough for it to happen. (Oh God, as long as the lights are off!) But, who knows.... I just like hearing other peoples responses to this, and how unique a platonic friendship is.
     
  8. Mr. Smith

    Mr. Smith Member

    I'm in a similar situation as everyone here and it's tearing me apart. There's a twist in it though...my friend likes me too. I've known and been best friends with her for a couple of years and ever since October or so all of our friends have said and were convinced that we liked each other/were secretly going out (although they didn't seriously believe that we were secretly going out...it was more of a joke). We would always deny it because it wasn't true. Then January or February rolled around and I actually started to like her. But I/we kept denying it, denying it, denying it. Then two months or so ago I couldn't take it any longer. It was killing me. I told her that I liked her. She just sat there for a good thirty seconds and I was thinking crap crap crap why did I tell her this was a horrible thing to do. And then she said that she liked me too. And I just said what? So it ended up we both had both liked each other since January/February some time. I'm similar...I can't stop liking her...this is just not one of those couple month flings...it's here to stay and it kills me. Neither of us have figured out yet what we want to do, but we're both absolutely terrified - yet - it's killing us inside and may end up killing the relationship if we don't do anything...so it's like no matter what we do we're screwed. heh.

    I thought it was better that both of us liked each other...then at least we'd be going through it together. I'm not sure though because this has never happened before.

    And our relationship is extremely meaningful. I seriously think I'd go into depression if I stopped being friends with her. We talk all the time about anything and everything and she means the world to me.

    God help me - seriously.
     
  9. BlackVelvet

    BlackVelvet Members

    aww Mr. Smith, ya'll should talk things out, work things out, and see what it is about ya'll that you like so much and act on it..cause being without her, is something you neither one want..When you are with her, what do you want to do? such as hug her, kiss her etc..why don't ya'll do what comes naturally, so ya'll can move on together with each other..cause believe me, once you get passed the initial shock of "wow, we both like each other" it will get better once you take the next step..I know what you mean about it killing you..i'm sure she is just as scared as you, but wants there to be more to ya'lls 'friendly' relationship...take a chance, feel whats in your heart, and act upon it..it's better than doing nothing, scared to do anything, and it ruining the best thing in your life :) GOOD LUCK, and ~Peace~
     
  10. BlackVelvet

    BlackVelvet Members

    LOL..Freespirited420..let me ask you something..does "he" piss you off worse than anyone?? cause mine could piss me off so damn bad..I mean..literally noone could piss me off more than him, and I believe, I could piss him off more than anyone as well..yet, also..at the same time, he could make me feel better than anyone in the world!
     
  11. NatureFreak412

    NatureFreak412 Art of Balance

    I went through what ur goign through especially the bold part, but now me and her arent even really best friends, she hangs out with different people, I dont have a "best friend" anymore, yeah its messed up, I wish more people that were like me lived around here....
     
  12. Mr. Smith

    Mr. Smith Member

    Thanks for the reply, BlackVelvet. You sound like my other best friend (there's only two of them and I only like one :p). Yeah we have talked about all of that and it's everything that we already knew. When we're together we're happy and when we're not together we're decent. It's as simple as that. We get a long great and want what's best for each other.

    I want to do lots of things with her (;)) - although it's not all about the doing stuff, it's more about the being together - but mostly just hold her and be with her. We've done that before (the holding). The first time we did it after we told each other we liked each other (yeah we did it before hand too...we thought it was normal...go figure...) we both felt like utter crap afterwards. Then we did it (held each other watcing a movie) again, yesterday actually, we felt happy afterwards, sad that we had to depart from each other when I had to go home, but not horrible.
     
  13. It's funny you mentioned that. My friend and I always get asked if we're together, and we're just like no.... He gets kind of mad, because he thinks that people have such a big problem with two people being friends.... Then he would say he'd marry me in the next sentence. But, yeah, we get that a lot. "Are you guys together?? You guys should be, you guys look great" BAHAHAHFHSDUHFDSUHF

    At least you have that luxury. I, however don't. Since he's dating an acquaintance of mine. It's THAT much harder, seeing what could have been, right before your eyes.

    This is the whole purpose of having this thread, dear. We're all here for advice, and guidance. Well, I'm just curious about peoples stories, and if they are similar to mine. I think I would go into a deep depression as well, if we stopped being friends. It would be like, well I have to change my whole routine, into something different to exclude him. It's fuckin nuts! I think I might post more onto my intial post, about whats up with us. There are a lot of factors, and stuff why I cherish his friendship, so when you get a chance, check it out.
     
  14. Yeah, I'm afraid that is what is going to happen with me. My routine is going to change if he pushes me away. He does this when he gets into a new relationship. :(
     
  15. BlackVelvet

    BlackVelvet Members

    Mr. Smith, you're very welcome [​IMG] lol ya'll sound like me and my best friend/boyfriend, it is scary, cause you have alot at stake to lose if it doesn't work out..so yes, it's very scary to go from best friends..to bf/gf..take it slow.. but it sounds like ya'll are transforming into that relationship, the part where you said ya'll felt crummy afterwards, it was what we also felt sometimes, after doing something, such as kissing..that at the time we knew we hadta do..but the end result, being scared, is what made us constantly, get together, then break up, but if you are open with each other, and confront your scaredness and talk it all out, and only be together, when you felt it was right, it will all be ok..i know what you mean about, being with her..just being around her..i'm that same way with my bf..as he is with me, i feel at my best when I'm around him, and I can feel how much he cares, and how much he loves me which leads me to feel awesome! btw my name is Heather [​IMG]
     
  16. AutumnAuburn

    AutumnAuburn Senior Member

    I am the type of person that really can't have a best friend who is male. I will undoubtedly fall in love with him and it will end in heartbreak (especially when he starts seeing someone). However, I can be best friends with a former love, if our relationship has evolved away from a "couples" relationship into a plutonic friendship. That has only happened a couple of times, though...
     
  17. I cannot be bestfriends with someone I had a prior relationship with. There are only a few people who I have let bigons be bigons, and stuff. But, he was out the door for a reason. Most of them just annoy me and piss me off! :p
     
  18. AutumnAuburn

    AutumnAuburn Senior Member

    That's why it's only happened a couple of times... lol
     
  19. DarkLunacy

    DarkLunacy Senior Member

    So I'ma guess your feelings developed AFTER he hooked up with your friend. I know how you feel about this dude but is it a possibillity that your feelings might be generated because you know the person he's with so you think you could be with him. I mean you are only 22 and to want someones children already is a bit hastey I'd say. Ask him how much he likes the girl hes going out with. If its a mediocre thing then consider telling him. If he really likes her I'd leave well enough alone. If you do propose the question do it in an easy kinda slide in way... like after doing something ask him "You know everyone says we should be a couple... what do you think about that?" Or you could always go with the old backup. Both of you get shit faced then pounce on him. Good luck
     
  20. You're hilarious. I've already mentioned that we have had the talk, and he has reiterated that we will only be friends. Who is to say that this may change down the road, it could. Children, yeah well he wants children right now as well. I don't want them immediately, in the next 2 years, possibly. I'm actually 23 this year. I don't know if he just likes her, because someone likes him? I don't know. Everyone already says to him, he and I should be a couple. But, I can't beat myself up over this. The shitfaced plan has been spoken about. Actually, we've been drunk together a lot, and nothing has happened. He has been drunk and pounced on a girl at a bar, but that's about it.
     

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