Pick your battles

Discussion in 'Relationships' started by NakedInfluence, Mar 13, 2022.

  1. Have you heard this phrase? When people post about their problems here someone almost always chimes in about communication being key but does anyone agree that it's not always the answer?
    I don't think a relationship can survive telling each other everything they do that you don't like, every annoyance, every flaw. Sometimes even when you are 100% correct that your partner is in the wrong and you know exactly the remedy your partner is not ready to face up to the issue or begin the restorative process. There's no nuance when someone just tells the person to communicate. It's not always the answer or even if it is the person deserves better than to be promised the supposedly magic panacea of communication which requires both parties to be open to it. Sometimes one just isn't.
     
    scratcho and ~Zen~ like this.
  2. ~Zen~

    ~Zen~ Dreamer Administrator

    I agree with your thoughts.

    I believe the key to a good relationship is COMPROMISE, not necessarily communication. Especially if communications have broken down to the point of constantly bitching at each other about life's trivialities.

    Communication about your relationship might help... but in a compromising way.
     
  3. Piobaire

    Piobaire Senior Village Idiot

    Communication is vital to any relationship, but communication isn't just broadcasting (especially just broadcasting grievances, or barking orders. Unfiltered data can be devastatingly brutal). I think that the vast majority of communication complaints I've heard were that people don't feel heard; when most people "communicate", they aren't really listening to you, as much as busily formulating their response in their head; we love the sound of our own voice. We don't so much talk with each other than at each other. It's not just intellectual content, either; when we don't feel like anyone's listening to us, we feel invalidated and discounted; like emotionally we don't matter to the person we're allegedly communicating with. This often comes as some surprise to the other, on both intellectual and emotional levels.
    At least as important as real communication are respect, courtesy, and consideration, and in no relationship is that more important than with our friends and lovers. There must be some foundation of 'unconditional positive regard', and more than that, a certain generosity of spirit that chooses to extend the benefit of doubt and see only the best in one another.
    Imagine what our communities would be like if we could extend such generosity of spirit more generally to everyone.
     
    Last edited: Mar 14, 2022
  4. Vladimir Illich

    Vladimir Illich Lifetime Supporter Lifetime Supporter


    And therein lies the crux of the only war worth fighting - the class war !!!
     
    wyldwynd likes this.
  5. wyldwynd

    wyldwynd ~*~ Super Moderator

    I would agree with consideration is key

    Pick your war is sort of like saying pick your mate

    as nothing is fair or everything is fair in love and war
     
  6. scratcho

    scratcho Lifetime Supporter Lifetime Supporter

    Some people are so picayune and constant in their complaints / comments, that rational communication becomes a chore. The urge to always be right in many or most circumstances , will eventually kill the desire to communicate and thus a relationship.
     
    wyldwynd likes this.
  7. wyldwynd

    wyldwynd ~*~ Super Moderator

     
    ~Zen~ and scratcho like this.
  8. ~Zen~

    ~Zen~ Dreamer Administrator

    Communication is important, but LISTENING to your other is of major importance.
     
    Piobaire and wyldwynd like this.
  9. Python 8

    Python 8 Members

    Agreed that compromise is extremely important but the communication part needs to be there too . If not you'll never get to be able to figure out when compromise is required .
     
  10. scratcho

    scratcho Lifetime Supporter Lifetime Supporter

    Communication is important, but there are some people you can't communicate with. It's better to just ignore them or eliminate them from your life. Life is too short for constant haggling,
     
    Captain Scarlet and Python 8 like this.
  11. Captain Scarlet

    Captain Scarlet Lifetime Supporter Super Moderator

    Thats quite common when you get 2 Alphas together as they both want things their way and wont listen to reason .
     
    jimandjan likes this.
  12. Python 8

    Python 8 Members

    Bwaahahaha . Truth !
     
    Captain Scarlet likes this.
  13. jimandjan

    jimandjan Member

    I don't think anyone would take advice from a stranger on line. I know I wouldn't, but then again. People hear what they want to hear. God knows all the experts, hang out in forums, willing to hand out advice. It would be reassuring if one person agrees with them.
     
    Captain Scarlet likes this.
  14. Captain Scarlet

    Captain Scarlet Lifetime Supporter Super Moderator

    Thats probably a good reason I rarely give relationship advice on a forum even though I used to be a Relationship Counsellor some years back . Plus it doesnt interest me anymore and thats why I packed it in .I may be behind on current ideas now as well.

    Of course that doesnt stop me for chipping in from time to time on other things .
     
    scratcho and ~Zen~ like this.
  15. jimandjan

    jimandjan Member

    That sounds like interesting work, bet you heard it all.
     
    Captain Scarlet and scratcho like this.
  16. Captain Scarlet

    Captain Scarlet Lifetime Supporter Super Moderator

    Yes I did including being in the firing line when couples started throwing things at each other :eek::eek:
     
    scratcho likes this.

Share This Page


  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.
    Dismiss Notice