Paddy's wife is pregnant, and she gives birth to triplets, "jeez, I wonder how that happened?" exclaimed Paddy, looking at the 3 babies, his wife thinks for a moment, "I remember now, it was that night I was a bit dry and wwe'd run out of vaseline, remember, you used 3 in 1 oil" she replied, Paddy shook his head, "well thank fuck I didn't use WD40 then".
Whats the definition of indecent? if it's long, rock hard and in as far as it'll go then its in decent.
Q Whats the height of cheek? A Pissing through a neighbours letterbox then knocking on and asking how far down the hall it went.
A crafty young man is trying to get into a naive young girl living next door, seventeen, and so sexy, but never been touched. One day they get talking and he asks her if she'd like to pop around for a drink, she accepts, but tells him she only drinks wine, and only in small quantities. After a couple of large glasses she begins to loosen up, she he asks if he can kiss her, she says yes, a little later on he asks if he can put his arm around her, again she agrees, a while later he asks if he can feel her tits, you can, but over my top, she tells him, a little later he asks if he can put his hand in her bra, she agrees, by now she's had a few drinks and he decides to take things further, will you take off your dress? he asks, she does next he asks her to remove her bra, again she does, soon after he's talked her out of her panties, a while later he asks if he can put his finger in her belly button, she finds it a little odd, but never the less she agrees, moments later she tells him ,"hold on, that's not my belly button" "no, and that's not my finger either" he replied.
A couple of prostitutes are sitting in a pub, it's a cold night and business is slow, a panda walks in and sits at the bar, "I've never fucked a panda"says one of the girls, "me neither" said the other, "I think I'll try " said the first, she gets up and invites the panda back to her flat around the corner. she cooks it a meal, gives it a beer before taking it to bed, where they have wild sex, eventually the panda gets up to go and the woman tells it he has to pay, the panda asks why, she tells it she's a prostitute but it doesn't understand, so she gets a dictionary and points out the word,' Prostitute, a woman who has sex for money'. The panda refuses, takes the book and looks up Panda, ' Panda, Asian bear, eats shoots and leaves'
I went to see a hypnotists show last night, he had 7 blokes on stage and hypnotised them all, suddenly he dropped the mic on his foot, "fuck me" he yelled, somehow I don't think I'll ever get the ensuing events out of my mind. All this gender identification stuff was really doing my head in until last night, there I was staggering back from the pub, blind drunk and busting for a piss, I stopped and began to piss against a lamp post, suddenly this bloke appeared and began to have a go at me for pissing in the street, I told him I identified as a German Shepherd, sank my teeth into his leg and legged it. lol A man walked into a bar, "fucking hell that hurt" he screamed, well it was an iron bar. A bloke leaps from a plane and pulls his parachute cord, nothing happens and he plummets towards earth when suddenly a bloke comes shooting upwards, "hey, d'you know anything about parachutes" he yelled to the man coming towards him , "fuck all mate, d'you know anything about gas cookers" the man replied. A plane carrying a group of men is flying along when it comes to a mountain range and can't gain height, "we need to lose weight" calls out the pilot, the Englishman leaps up, "god save the queen" he shouts, opens the door and leaps out, the plane gains a little height. A while later the same thing happens again, a Frenchman jumps up, "vive la france" he yells, and he too leaps out of the door, and once more the plane gains height, now there are only 3 men left on the plane, an Italian, an American and a Mexican. "We need to lose more weight" calls out the pilot, as they approach the highest part of the mountain range, Suddenly the American jumps up, "remember the alomo" he cried, and threw the Mexican out of the door.
