So I have an issue that I need some opinions/ advice with, I haven't been with all that many girls, and have been going through a bit of a dry spell. I started seeing this girl that I really like, and very attracted to. We were making out the other day, one thing lead to another, but when we ended up in the bedroom I couldn't get it up. I didn't even feel aroused, I just wanted to get out of there. This has happened to me before, but I was drunk and just thought it was the alcohol. I assume this was just performance anxiety because I am generally an anxious person, but I actually feel fairly relaxed when i'm around this girl. It just frustrates the hell out of me because I have no trouble getting an erection, and I am really attracted to this girl and get aroused just thinking about her, but when she's right there in bed naked with me, NOTHING! It didn't seem like too much of an issue, until the exact same thing happened the following week, and now it seems like she's lost interest in me. I haven't spoken to her about what happened, but I assume she was just turned off by the experience, or she feels like she cant turn me on. So right now i'm scared of even trying to have sex again with her, or any other girl! Anyways I'm more so looking on advice on the erection issue, and any advice from people who have had similar experiences, and overcome this. Im 24 years old Incase anyone was wondering.
Well, that sucks man. I have to say, it happens to me too from time to time. More often after I've gone through a dry-spell for some reason. It's pretty obvious that it is performance anxiety, if I manage to "disconnect" and not "worry about my performance", then junior stands up like a flagpole. But once I feel it starting to soften and I go into the "ohshitohshitohshit.... not now" it's very hard to get it up again. It's most likely a psychological issue. If you feel that it severely impacts on your sexual life I would suggest getting some professional help. They will probably be able to help you faster and better than this board ever would.
You need more foreplay, more oral sex, more fondling. Don't let your mind push you faster than your body wants to go. Also, a little alcohol might help. Not too much.
I had this happen to me before too. It feels very dehumanizing. Found out it was a side affect of my prescription meds I was taking at the time. Are you on meds?
My guess is that she's thinking you're not attracted to her. You could talk to her and tell her what you're telling us. And try it again. I hope you get it sorted soon.
thanks for the response guys n girls. I haven't tried to have sex since this happened, its really put me off lol, And I haven't really talked to this girl since. Im fairly sure ive blown my chances with her. No I am not on any meds that would have caused the problem. As for the foreplay, we had a lot of foreplay and it didn't seem to make any difference, I just really couldn't get in the mood. I guess ill try again soon and see how I go.
just out of intetrest, do you get spontaneous nocturnal erections? Also, do you get aroused by erotica?
Do you feel that your desire was more in your head than in the other place ? Its your "really couldn't get in the mood " comment that makes me think this ! Or were you in the mood but something was not working ? Two different things !
had this happen to me before the first time i tried to have sex with my ex was very awkward but we did later that night have oral sex so not all bad. dont worry it happens to plenty of people.
yeah I do get "spontaneous nocturnal erections" and "morning wood" Its not that it doesn't physically work, cos it does, just not when I need it to. What I meant by 'I couldn't get in the mood" I guess yeah it was in my head, I couldn't get mentally aroused. I was in bed with an attractive, naked girl, but I didn't have much of a desire to have sex. The frustrating part is I was fantasizing over this girl a lot leading up to our encounter, I was very attracted to her, I knew she was attracted to me, and I had no trouble getting it up just thinking about her lol, but when it came time to do it, its like I wasn't even into her. Maybe it was nerves taking over and killing my sex drive, but I actually felt fairly comfortable around her so I don't think I was that nervous, its frustrating.
