Performance Anxiety

Discussion in 'Sexual Health' started by alexanderwalsh, Jun 2, 2013.

  1. Hopefully someone cal help me. Im 22 years old. I go to the gym 3-4 times a week as well as do yoga twice a week. I take my vitamins and eat healthy everyday. I dont have any major stresses in my life involving work, school etc. Im not insecure about my body or the size of my penis. Im confident in my sexual skill and ability and have never had any doubts in myself about pleasing my partner. Ive been capable of having sex multiple times a day and still held a strong libido. I have never had a problem with meeting women, being genuine and impressing them aswell, making friends or building sexual attraction. However almost everytime i go to have sex with a girl for the first time i get extremely anxious and I can do everything necessary to get my partner into the mood but when the moment comes for me to get down to business i am anxious and completely flaccid. I just randomly become a frozen anxious guy.

    All sources ive looked up say to try yoga (done) breathing exercises, and talking to my partner (which genuinely is awkward because its like i just meet this girl get to know her, make a connection, get hot and heavy and suddenly i need to tell her im anxious about everything. Kind of makes things worse.) Ive gone and seen a doctor and he prescribed me a low dosage of cialis to try and take prior to sex, but even when taking a full tablet the anxiety is still too strong for the pill to overcome it. How do i get rid of this anxiety? its such a burden when everything else is normal, i just want to be able to have an active sexual lifestyle without worrying about this.
  2. Alternative_Thinker

    Alternative_Thinker Darth Mysterious

    Hmm, so the first time with a new partner is pretty much the only time you have this problem, correct? And you're not really looking to have an actual relationship? I ask those questions because I personally think they are connected to each other.

    Have you ever tried actually developing a decent level of emotional bond with your (potential) partners prior to taking the physical intimacy to the next level? You say that it is "genuinely awkward" to talk to your partners about it because "it's like I just meet this girl, get to know her, make a connection, get hot and heavy, and suddenly I need to tell her I'm anxious about everything"... I think part of your answer lies right there within what you've said in my opinion. So you feel awkward talking to your partner who you didn't really spend a lot of time getting to know, and you rush into the actual sex without taking the time needed to make a TRUE connection with her. You haven't taken the time to develop a level of mutual trust needed in order for the sex to be a mutually comfortable and fulfilling experience.

    As far as I can tell from your post, you sound like a healthy guy who functions well in every aspect. I actually wouldn't perceive your anxiety as a "flaw", if I were you. I'd instead perceive it as a sign that your mind WAS functioning properly, and WAS sending the signal that you should shift your focus from seeking women to have sex with to seeking women to develop solid bonds with. The reason I say this is because, when you have a meaningful connection with your partner, you can comfortably tell her you have an anxiety problem, and she'll be happy to help you because she's comfortable with you, too. For that matter, when you are THIS comfortable with your partner, chances are you WON'T be experiencing anxiety in the first place.

    Of course, my suggestion above may inevitably mean that you may want to consider reducing the number of women you plan on making attempts to sleep with. It's a true quality-over-quantity type outlook on sex. But I personally think it's better to go for one heavenly situation you can remember fondly forever, than to go for a dozen situations filled with anxiety, where sex is concerned.

    All the best.
  3. nz male

    nz male Senior Member

    I like to try new things during sex to see if they are liked by my wife & if I read or hear of anything that sounds interesting to get her more aroused in different ways, I attempt them f I think they may be acceptable. Variety is the spice of life - sometimes it can get boring other wise & a change in the ways we do things can be good thing sometimes.
  4. Cutted

    Cutted Cutted

    Performance anxiety is normal the first time many guys meet a girl. Once you get "over the hump" it will get better. Just try to relax. Try some weed...
  5. AustAl

    AustAl Guest

    Make sure you are incredibly good at giving oral sex. That way you can give her a great orgasm and she will be satisfied. Then the pressure is off of you somewhat and she will have had a great time with you regardless of what happens next. So develop great oral skills and that will build your confidence to know that you can give her an orgasm or at least give her an awesome feeling for 10 - 20 minutes. Also take the whole foreplay very slowly. Give yourself time to get into the moment and for her to get comfortable with you.
  6. nicknack

    nicknack Member

    Yeah, you have a problem I've had. At the moment the next time you have sex will be with a girl you will sleep with for the first time where you feel failure cannot be accepted.

    Don't worry. Yes building a relationship etc as stated above is all very worthwhile, but of course people just want to get laid sometimes and don't want deep and heavy.

    If you're having issues getting it up, first take the pressure off yourself. You do not need to give a girl arousal or an orgasm using your dick. You don't need to get your dick out of your pants. OK, you want to get laid too, but a problem is a problem.

    Concentrate on stimulating a girl in the many other ways possible so that you understand your dick isn't categorically demanded in this situation. The girl may really like and appreciate this slower approach.

    Just realised the post above says the same, but this is what my sex doctor was saying to me. Enjoy the sex you're able to give and go from there.

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