People calling me gay

Discussion in 'Relationships' started by chris_1661, Jun 6, 2006.

  1. ihmurria

    ihmurria fini

    No one has the vast majority of people approach them and want to be their friends

    NO ONE.

    I've been approached once my whole life outside of a bar by a stranger in a romantic/being-asked-out way. Once. (internet dating sites don't count for that to me).
    As for people just coming up and talking to me... a couple have, but only after we've been in the same class together for at least a month, usually two.

    You want what doesn't happen... no one is gonna want to approach someone who's filled with so much hatred, rage, and self-pity. It's just not attractive as a friend or lover.

    Very few people have anyone approach them to ask them out or to try and hang out with them.
     
  2. Hikaru Zero

    Hikaru Zero Sylvan Paladin

    For the last time you are taking things at the wrong angle.

    YOU CANNOT "TRY" TO BE POSITIVE OR BE CONFIDENT OR ANYTHING.

    YOU MUST LEARN. Trying is not learning!

    How many MORE times am I going to have to say this?

    Most other people don't NEED friends because they already have them. They made friends early in life, and if they need more, they can get more, because they know how to.

    You, on the other hand, do not know how. Yet.

    Maybe you should pay more attention to what I've said on the past instead of whining about the same old stupid bullshit.

    Pay attention.

    THERE you go! Here are a few tips for you man:

    To build confidence skills:

    1) Look people in the eye
    2) Round down your sentences (so instead of sounding like you are asking a question when you make a statement? Sound like you are making a statement when you are asking a question.)
    3) Use confident tone, and language. When you want to be firm about something, emphasize the word -- say it louder than the other words, and pause after it. Instead of sounding like "heeeyyy, ummm, want to be friends maybe?" Be like, "Hey! My name's Chris, and I want to be your friend!" You dig?

    To build acceptance:

    1) Be accepting of others! You are already so unaccepting of (a) "others" as you always label everyone as if you hate them and they have done something wrong to you. You are unaccepting of (b) gays, unaccepting of (c) people who disagree with you. Learn to accept others first before you except them to accept you!
    2) Don't take anyone's bullshit! Don't let people take advantage of you. THIS DOES NOT MEAN USE FORCE! Instead, turn their words back against them. If someone says to their friend, "dude, that guy looks well hard," go up to him and say, "Oh, I'm well hard alright, down in the pants, for chicks (like you)!" And laugh, and give them the thumbs up, make it seem like you just made a joke! They will laugh, they will find it funny, maybe even think that you're a cool guy, or perhaps a lady might find it charming. Turn people's negative energy against them!

    To find real people:

    Get out there! Go to the social events -- nobody said you had to be invited! (Unless it's invite only, and then you wouldn't be hearing about it!) Most colleges have a college activity board, or some kind of event system. Pick a few that you like! Mingle! Don't just go to a party, sip punch or drink beer, and then leave because you are bored. Make it a point to talk to EVERYONE! Jump into a few conversations!

    Not being sure isn't an insecurity, it's an indecisiveness. It's definitely good to be decisive, of course, but it's not insecure.

    Counselling is just going to tell you the same things that we are telling you.

    A list of achievable targets? That is EXACTLY what you need! Make it a priority to meet one person every day! If things go well, ask for their number (be it guy or girl), and actually call them! And don't be like "heeeey, wanna hang out maybe?" Be firm! Be like, "Hey dude, what's up? I was kinda bored, looking for someone to chill with for a while, ya up for it? Cool."

    Yes.

    Here, let me give you a hint. There are no "popular-only" people in college, at least not here in the states. You are still stuck in this "high school" mentality where you feel like people are all out to eat you alive and pick on you. Yes, there are popular people, but not everyone knows every popular person -- they are only popular because they talk to probably 50 or a hundred people per day! They don't all have time for everyone -- no more time than you have. They are only popular because they mingle, they see people around, say hi. That's all most of those people are -- people they might have chatted with for 10 minutes and never seen again. But that's enough for them to know that person.

    And there you go again with that attitude -- "I'd be the last person they'd want to talk to." How do you know? Have you asked them? Have you talked to them? No! So talk to them!

    Opportunities are made, they are not "given!"

    So get out there! Why do you think I'm on this board, to give advice! Give people advice, make some new friends! Remember, I came to you! And you need to go to other people!

    Well, Amen!

    Don't hesitate to ask about anything, man.
     
  3. icedteapriestess

    icedteapriestess linguistic freak

    I understand what you are saying... but if he has no confidence inside what will he be projecting but emptiness?
     
  4. Brand New Soul

    Brand New Soul Senior Member


    Being positive doen't mean you have a permanit smile on your face. I have been trying to understand...

    But your only distructing your self. Of course with the help of a few assholes. Goood luck with your issuse chirs
     
  5. Samhain

    Samhain Lifetime Supporter Lifetime Supporter

    Hikaru Zero you really are a truely good person.

    chris have you ever met a gay person, because you have now, I think I can relate to what you are going through here, maybe it feels similar to how I feel when my sexuality is called disgusting, if you want people to be more tolarent towards you, then maybe you need to be more tolarent towards otthers, this is a hippy site, being hippy, to me means treating people as people and looking beyond their sexulity, gender etc.

    but going back to your original post, Ive been bullied in all types of way at school and I think you do have a need to be accepted more than just in your lunch hour, other wise you wouldn't have started this thread, after all if this just happens in your lunch hour you could always go and sit away from people and do your own thing, you've been given excellent advice on here, have another read of the thread, its sound I honestly wish I had this sort of support when people where beating me up at school, when I got up each morning wondering what the point of life was


    my last point is , if you are thinking that people are calling you names outside of your house, I think you may be getting a little paranoid, to the point where someone may look at you, and you read all sorts into it, I do believe you are being bullied but I also think you need to talk to your counsellour about the possibility of you being paranoid as well.

    And I'm well pissed that all you cute guys are coming on here and saying your not gay- what a waste :D
    S
     
  6. Carlfloydfan

    Carlfloydfan Travel lover

    ...a side of you I've never seen before....
     
  7. Carlfloydfan

    Carlfloydfan Travel lover

    He has aspergers syndrome, it doesn't make him retarded. There are many people who function perfectly fine in college and in society with aspergers. In fact most people are highly intelligent (especially in specific fields of study), they just lack social skills and/or the ability to fully read body language cues. But than can be worked on too.

    Ignorant people piss me off.
     
  8. chris_1661

    chris_1661 Member

  9. Hikaru Zero

    Hikaru Zero Sylvan Paladin

    A side that doesn't come out until I have had to repeat myself no less than five times in a single thread. =\

    If YOU find it funny, why wouldn't someone else? You're from Great Britain, right? So is everyone else around you. Don't make up excuses just because you don't want to give it a try.

    Doesn't matter, at all. That's just another excuse, mate. I have Indian friends that say "dude," I have Mexican friends and Canadian friends who say dude, I known people from Australia, and Great Britain (Scotland and England) who all say "man," and "dude," and "sweet," and "awesome."

    Saying these things does not make you a prick. It doesn't make you a fool. It doesn't make you sound any dumber than anyone else.

    All you are doing is appealing to stereotypes, saying you don't want to be stereotyped, when in reality, stereotypes don't mean jack.

    If you don't want to say dude, that's fine, who cares? But don't think for a second that whether or not you say dude, or man, or dawg, or homie g, that it's going to have some significant effect on your reputation, no matter where you are in the world.

    First off, again, it doesn't matter. *At all*. Substitute whatever British slang you want.

    Second off, you, your self, the person who you are, is an ever changing thing. Two years ago I would have felt the same way. Now, people tell me that I use the word "like" way too often (which I'm sure I do), but I look them right in the eye and say, "so what? are you gonna have an asthema attack over it?" And that's the end of that.

    You have to realize -- a joke can only backfire on you if you let it.

    You say "it could work wonders" -- it DOES -- but not only do you sound unsure of yourself, you are so unsure about it that you are saying you are not even willing to give it a try.

    That is not working towards the right road.

    The only difference between Americans, British, Canadians, Denmarkians, Ethiopians, and all the other countries that begin with letters in the alphabet, is the customs. Substitute whatever words or manners of speech that you want. The point is still the same.
     
  10. ReiChieRu

    ReiChieRu Member

    Seriously, screw these people who talk shit about you. I'd say in a weird sort of way it's helping you at the very least, sort out who will be a good friend to you and who won't. Don't waste another moment of YOUR LIFE thinking about what other people think or feel about you.
    Are you a bad person? probably not
    Are gay people some stigmatic, horrible thing? HELLS no, they're just humans like anyone else
    Dealing with things being said to your face and behind your back is hard because it's almost like we've been taught to or naturally care (who knows) more about what others think than what we think. So let's turn this around..

    How do YOU feel about the people talking about you behind your back?
    They're probably not worth your time OR are really ignorant and thinking they're funny or joking..do you want that in your life? Nope, you're better than that..so keep reminding yourself.
     
  11. DancerAnnie

    DancerAnnie Resident Beach Bum

    Honestly, it's gotten to the point where the thread is going in circles. People give him advice and he goes back to "Oh I'll just beat the shit out of them". That's really stupid.

    I suffered through high school and am STILL suffering through college. Take people's advice or stop complaining...that's how I see it. This guy is just not getting the clue and he's plugging up the forums not taking people's advice and complaining about the same old shit everyday. It's really tired.
     
  12. SelfControl

    SelfControl Boned.

    Man, I wish I'd been following this thread from the off. It's hilarious.
     
  13. chris_1661

    chris_1661 Member

  14. chris_1661

    chris_1661 Member

  15. crummyrummy

    crummyrummy Brew Your Own Beer Lifetime Supporter

    dude, your gay.
    hahahahaha sorry, I have no Idea if you are gay just saw the thread originator was the last poster, feel free to ignore me and continue your serious discussion.
     
  16. chris_1661

    chris_1661 Member

  17. DancerAnnie

    DancerAnnie Resident Beach Bum

    It was a joke. Lighten up.

    You know what you can do tomorrow? Be nice to people. Laugh a little. Don't let your anger and resentment towards people get the best of you.

    If you look like you're having fun alone...people will be more apt to talk to you. They'll wonder what the heck you're smiling about. They'll be curious about you.

    Ask someone to have lunch with you...meet new people. Say hi to people in the hallways. It's really easy to talk to people, believe it or not.
     
  18. icedteapriestess

    icedteapriestess linguistic freak

    Seriously Chris...

    you do realize by "cyber-yelling" at the "psydo-cyber-bullies" and freaking out, you are totally negating any sort of growth you may have achieved?

    We have all said you need to lighten up and work on your rage issues... and if you can't tolerate "cyber-people" having a laugh, well.. dude.. you really need more help than we can ever give you.

    See the councellor.. see him/her a lot. Get control of your rage before it starts to control you, although I think it already has started to control you.

    Quit taking yourself so goddamned seriously and lighten the hell up.
     
  19. chris_1661

    chris_1661 Member

  20. icedteapriestess

    icedteapriestess linguistic freak

    honey.. see... the thing is..

    you DO have some rage issues. In almost every post you are pissed off at some person, some ethnic group, some sexual orientation. THIS IS NOT NORMAL. People are not usually as mad as you seem to be.

    If the anger you have is starting to take you over, as you said in your last post, then you do, in fact, have some rage issues... call them anger control problems if you like, but it all boils down to the same thing.
     

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