People calling me gay

Chris: are there people who aren't Asian in your school or area? I don't mean to sound racist, but in my area the Asians kinda hung out with the other Asian kids, and unless you were Asian, or already knew one of them, you weren't all that likely to be accepted. Maybe try talking to someone of your ethnicity? Or are you Asian? I mean, you talked about Asian guys playing table football, and an Asian girl who called you a loser.... try talking to some non-Asians... see how that goes.

Tell the councellor exactly how you feel. They can't help unless you are honest with yourself and with them. Don't worry about looking or feeling stupid... you are only stupid if you don't get the help you need.

And quit being such a freaking killjoy! There are good things in the world... find them. Read a good book. Go to a movie. Talk a walk in a park. Get out of the headspace you are currently living in and find some joy in your life!

 

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never will be with your pent up homophobia, racism, and bad attitude...

 

word

Chris, stop worrying about what others say/do/think, and worry about making yourself happy and confident.

 

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I think part of the problem, besides the negative attitude and negative self perception, is your constant "othering". Everyone who isn't exactly like you is an "other" and therefore, you think that they will automatically dislike you.

I wasn't saying that you should tell or think all Asians should "get stuffed". I was just wondering if maybe you had a... well... fetish is the wrong word, but kinda close. Some people just like a certain ethnic group more than others... and that is what i thought might be happening with you. Was just suggesting you talk to different types of people, as talking to the Asian kids didn't seem to be working out for you... not that you should HATE them.

Why is it a fantasy to have friends and a girlfriend? Change your attitude about things and you would be surprised at the outcome.

 

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so then change.... that simple.

Do you think everyone with problems just walks around feeling bad for themselves? NO! We take a look at ourselves and what we perceive our problems/weaknesses/downfalls to be, and then we start figuring out how to change them! Its not rocket science!

You can be happy without friends by learning to like/love yourself. People do it all the time. Do you think people arrive in new places with friends already there? No! They are able to make friends because they like themselves... if you don't like you, how do you expect others to like you?

I am a major geek... not like many other people in my area. But, i still have friends. You know why? Because I like myself.

And drinking and drugs don't solve anything... you know that and are just being all "rage-y". Take a step back, examine the situation and take a deep breath.

 

positive thinking/expectations really do work
Really.
but you won't let them work for you, you're just hellbent on being a negative, whiny, self-loathing fool. So be it. That's YOUR decision, no one's making you do it.

 

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you can't expect things to change overnight. You aren't going to wake up one morning and all of a sudden be the most hip, happening and super cool dude on campus. Things take time... and we are talking about building up some REAL confidence, some REAL acceptance and finding some REAL people... this is going to take some... you guessed it... REAL TIME! Overnight cures and fast fixes aren't going to work. Devote some time and effort to it, and we are taking months here, if not longer.

Go see that councellor.... read some self-help books (as cheesy as that sounds, they often do help!). Find a way of calming yourself and your rage down... ever mediate?

 

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YES I am quite happy. ^_^ (lol)

(To Chris: See what I mean about joking around?)

So laugh and get on with life. Who cares?

I chose Maddox because he seemed something appropriate for your level of both rudeness and intelligence. I figured you would understand his drivel well -- and it does make for a good laugh at a moron, no?

Of course, maybe it's just because you're hung over. But if that's so, you should make it a point to not shit out of your mouth on a forum after you've been drinking, hmm?

Here's a tip:

Fantasy is reality that hasn't yet been achieved.

Everyone has the capability to achieve their own fantasies. But you must work at it. It is an endeavor. No problem is unsolvable in all conceivable circumstances.

But with your current attitude, you won't get anywhere.

You need to drop your self-pity, get over yourself, and only then can you make things happen.

This is college, fella. The people there are going to be the most liberal, accepting, and eclectic community that you might have. If they aren't accepting you, there is a reason why, and you have already admitted yourself what the reason is.

It is not they who are abnormal, it is you. This, like all things, can be changed, with time and effort.

Amen. It is a far stretch to say that having friends and a cute babe on your arm is only a mere fantasy.

The only reason it hasn't happened already is because you are being a major dickwad, wallowing in your self-pity, whining about your parents complimenting you, threatening to beat people up and telling Asians to stuff it, all the while ignoring all the advice given to you on this thread!

What you seem to want to hear is, "Chris, you're hopeless, just kill yourself," and no matter what you hear on these forums, you won't accept anything else as an answer!

The world does not revolve around you!

That is the most bullshit thing I have ever heard.

Listen to me for just a second, fella.

I used to work as a door-to-door canvasser, for an environmental lobby group called Clean Water Action.

Do you know how hard door-to-door canvassing is? How many doors do you think I got slammed in my face per night? What percentage of people do you think I was able to convince to donate? Maybe five percent? Ten percent?

TRY 25 PERCENT. On bad nights, I might only get around 5 or 10 percent of people to donate, but on good nights, the percentage was over 40!

Why? Because charisma is everything!

YOU have no success because you walk around with an aura of gloom, despair, suffering, and hatred towards "others," whom you classify as anyone other than yourself!

The rest of us do just fine, because we don't classify everyone else as "others," we don't walk around in our pity, crying like babies. Instead, we hold ourselves up high, even if we don't feel there is anything high to hold up!

It's a very simple technique I learned during canvassing, actually. It's called assuming support. You've probably heard the phrase, "Strangers are just friends waiting to happen." Your problem is, you dismiss all strangers and say that you have no friends -- if you are going to make friends, you have to assume the base case that they will be your friend!

When I had a bad night canvassing, it was usually because 3 people slammed the door in my face, or told me to fuck off, and it got under my skin and I started wearing a noose and pulling chains around with me all night. People sense this! The trick is to come back to every door, with a positive attitude, assuming that they will help out, assuming that they care.

Canvassing for friends and even for chicks, is no different than canvassing for money or for support. Some will be your friend. Some won't. But you will only have success if you don't close off your end first!

You sound COMPLETELY unwilling to have any friends at all.

So let me ask you, what the fuck do you think, that the rest of us don't have problems? That the rest of us haven't ever lacked friends? That somehow we were born superior to you? Is THAT what you want to hear? You are the same as everyone else, no matter how much you separate yourself from everyone.

And, I think I'm about done giving advice. If you want to hit the bottle, go right ahead. You will soon discover that it's not going to make you feel any better about yourself -- you will quickly become an even bigger embarrasment than you already think you are.

 

Real confidence comes from within. You need to listen to all the advice that you have been given here... its a goldmine. You should go see that councellor, and be HONEST with him/her. You need to start liking yourself before others will like you. Like yourself and believe yourself to be a good person WORTHY of having friends and you will have them... but it all starts inside yourself, in your mind and in your heart. Let go on the petty issues you have with "others"... focus on making yourself into someone you like.

Real acceptance also comes from within. Can't expect others to accept you if you can't accept you (which it does seem you have issues with). Change what needs to be changed, and love the rest. Quit beating yourself up over what "other" people think.

And Real people? Well... as i said in an earlier post... pick your favorite class and look for people who also really like it... chances are you have some interests in common. Start there. You will get better at it in time... practice does make perfect.

Oh.. and about the "football" guy. I have certain friends that I talk about certain things with. Someone to talk to, at your stage, is someone to talk to. Don't be picky. Do be perceptive though, and you might find that you have other htings in common.

 

Here's a final note for you to keep in the back of your mind:

There are two kinds of people in this world.

Those who live in the past. Those who dwell on the negative things in their life. Those who refuse to change because they are afraid of it. Those who whine, those who place blame, those who dream of a world they have no intention of helping create.

And those who live in the present. Those who draw energy from the positive things. Those who accept change, and welcome it even if it isn't exactly what they want. Those who praise, those who place credit on others, who work to make a dream world that they might not yet even have envisioned.

Yes there are two paths you can go by,
But in the long run ...
There's still time to change the road you're on
- Stairway to Heaven

But you must change the road you're on.

The question is NOT "what road are you on?"
The question is NOT "what road do you want to be on?"
The question is ... "what road will you work towards?"

 

I'm gonna have to (respectfully) disagree with you here, icedteapriestess.

I believe confidence is a skill. You must know how to be confident in order to project it -- no matter how "confident" you are on the inside, if you are not that confident on the outside, it doesn't matter.

 

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