People are telling my friend that he is bad.

Tried to rep.

You bring a nice vibe to the forums. I'm glad you're here.

 

Exactly! Why does it matter. We guys sit around talking about who we want to bang or would bang if the circumstances are right, but when women do it, men get all bent out of shape - Unless of course we are the ones that they are saying they want to bang. Then it's alright.

I'm not innocent by any means. There are many women here who I'm attracted to, and I feel a little jealous that I'm not the object of their desires.

But what right do people have in saying something bad to or about anyone who expresses their desires about some else, be it man or woman.

Yeah, I'm still ranting. It still hits a nerve.

 

Like many other people mentioned, I don't think it matters if this person is male or female. Why would that make a difference.

I read some of the responses here and I guess I'm in the minority here because when I'm in a committed relationship, my eyes do not wander. I'm like a penguin. I just want to be with one person and become infatuated with only them. I think it would be disrespectful to even "check out" other guys or think about having sex with them. If I'm in a great relationship, I've never found myself even wanting to do this. I just want to have sex with my partner and that's enough for me. I want only them.

People are saying it's human nature to be attracted to more than one person at once, but for me, I find it more natural to be attracted to one person at a time. I have no problem with other people who choose to be polyamorous. They just need to be open about that with their partner and they have to both want that. As for me, I'm monogamous. But when I'm single, it's another story because I will have fun and flirt with everyone.

So you're asking if your friend is a bad person, I wouldn't say a bad person, but my opinion is that what (s)he is doing is a bad thing. I think it means the relationship is lacking something. (s)He's disrespecting his wife/husband on some degree even though they're not actually acting on these impulses. (s)He got married and is supposed to be committed. Maybe they'd be happier living the single life.

 

the only person you can do anything about what they do is yourself.

that is the one concession i am willing to make to the dark side of diversity being the nature of reality.

even so, we can always try to set better examples for each other, and those examples do have an effect. even if it isn't immediately evident on any one particular individual.

it all works statistically, so you can't really ever expect to see a direct and immediate effect of anything socially. those only happen with mechanical things, of which human society isn't one.

 

I was speaking from an academic point of view....with the nature of the beast....not about my own experiences.

Ideally, when in love with someone completely, that is it....period....amen.

Also, I won't make it my business ever what others want to do in their relationships....It is theirs to figure out. I mind my own business there....and pass no judgenebts, as long as they aren't hurting me, who cares.....

I have yet to experience that real in love thing. Never have. Is there such a thing? I would hope so.....

 

Wait a minute second...so when i am picturing this friend as a girl does that mean she is lesbian because you said she had a wife.....still makes no difference thoughts are fine and being honest with your spouce comes first.

 

what's a minute second? like, a really long second? =p

 

Can't Send You Rep, But Just Wanted To Say What A Great Post...



Cheers Glen.

 

He'd make a pretty ugly female

 

Thanks LLTH!

 

Thanks Glen!

 

Lol!

Actually I had thought about making two threads about two friends, but I combined them into one because the criticisms toward them were similar. And they are actually hot females. I started off with a male gender to prove a point about double standards.

 

I agree that in some cases the relationship could be lacking. But in this case I don't believe it is. I'm married and would never cheat on my wife. If she was ok with my sleeping with another woman, I might think about it. But I would have to be definitely sure that she was ok with it.

As far as looking at others when you are in a relationship, I commend you on your ability to stay focused on your partner, whether it's by willpower or whether it just comes naturally to you. I myself find it difficult not to notice the beauty of another person whether it's intellectual, physical or because of personality. To me it'd like nit noticing a sunset or the leaves turning color in fall - or Rainy's cute dimples!

As long as people don't hurt each other, what's wrong with admiring someone, or even fantasizing about or engaging in an act with someone who is not your partner?

I guess everyone has different feelings on the topic, but I still see no reason to judge.

I'm not saying you are judging Rainy. I just happened to add this while replying to your post.

BTW, I like penguins, haha. If I were 20 yrs younger and not married, I'd ask your family if I could court you.

 

Personally, if they are married, they are responsible to stay monogamous to each other only.
On the other hand, what they do in the privacy of their home and married life is none of my business. So I don't care if they have group sex with horses, dogs and gerbils. And paper towel tubes. And duct tape. And a video camera.

 

its a columbian moment

 

That is sad but you probably will. You will know it then too. Things happen in your gut. That person will make you feel lonely when he's not there, you will feel kind of mushy in the belly when he shows up. Your mind will be stuck in first gear over him when you need to be doing something productive. Or it will go to over drive and,,, well point is when it happens that the right one comes along,,,, keep your senses about you and make sure he is your everything, not a jerk who just hits on women long enough to take their money and or their mind out the door with them.
I can count three times I was in Love At First Sight mode, not all of them worked out, some did and I can honestly say when I was in bed with someone it was about me being in love (not always a Love At First Sight thing, it may have took time to develop into being in love) with them even tho it maybe lasted only a year,,, nine years,,, and so on because being in love doesn't always mean the cards are gonna play that way for a life time. No failed relationship (for loss of interest or one having to move etc) ever took me down long, I managed to find someone who sparked my fire again in time.
You will find someone because there is someone for everyone,,, keep them eyes open and being social will keep doors open.

 

I think in general it depends on how long the relationship is and how serious or extreme or what type of thoughts they are.. I don't really think anyone can be in a relationship that lasts over ten years without having some thoughts about other people. I find it would be a problem if the thoughts are obsessive or extreme... but if they are just passing thoughts that aren't acted on, then I see that as pretty normal actually.

I mean, if someone were continually thinking about other people or actually wanting/needing to do things with other people...yes, I would tell them maybe they should re-consider if they should be in that relationship. But for just an occasional thought- in a long, long term relationship-well, I'll say it this way... if someone would try to say they've been in a relationship lasting 15, 20+ years and NEVER had occasional thoughts, I'd call them a liar.


(Now, this really has nothing to do with the post that I quoted but I find for myself in the beginning on my relationship I never once thought about anyone else... then in the middle of my relationship, things were kinda rocky but the more time has passed, the less and less I think about other people at all-- I know, for ME, if my husband told me "oh please please please go sleep with somebody else", I would look at him like he's crazy and tell him I would rather not because for me I just couldn't imagine being with anyone but my husband and wouldn't want to be... but I also know all people are different and I don't think the way that some people are compared to other people makes one or the other wrong... in any case, my relationship has now been for 15 years. And my son is annoyed that I am on here so can't think straight about what my point was or if I even had one.. <end pointless ramble>