Hiya, so I figured I would ask some advice. Me (18) and my partner (21) get to see each other pretty rarely, due to them studying in their home country. We both have pretty low sex drives, so that isn't the problem, and I wouldn't find it a problem anyway. However, I am I guess what you might call a "service sub/pleasure dom", and take most of my delight in pleasing them, rather than myself. With that being said, I want to make the few intimate moments we get together as good as I can for them, and don't want our intimate lives to become boring. Of course, since intimacy is rare for us anyway, this is unlikely, but still, I want to do all I can. I have a lot of sexual fantasies, but my partner doesn't. I'm okay with this, and I understand that for them, imagination is just a little difficult. However, with all that being said, I would still like to help encourage some form of fantasy for them, as they usually just go along with what they think I would want. They've only ever mentioned one fantasy before, and it took a lot of thinking for them to even try to imagine it, it was fun to fulfill, for sure, and I love every experience I have with them, sexual or otherwise, but I know they didn't have an enjoyable experience in their last relationship, as they were forced to do everything their ex wanted, and I don't want them to fall into a habit of only pleasing me because of that experience. At the very least I want to encourage them to make more decisions for themself, their last relationship was far from healthy, and I don't want them go become, for lack of a better word, a "doormat" because of it. I have all the love and respect for them in the world, and just want them to feel good and be able to actually have desires.
Probably has not had enough experiences or exposure yet, give it time. Suggest and try things with her, in moderation and she can determine if she wants to go beyond, or not.
I have a few fantasies but no desire to ever have them fulfilled or tell a guy, especially if they'd want to fulfill them. They are just fantasies. Based on what I read here, guys seem to have desires and call them fantasies. So they are desires they want to fulfill, not fantasies. So, if I have a fantasy of stranger sex (I DO NOT, an example only) I wouldn't want to have sex with a stranger, It's just a fantasy. That's just how we are wired (at least me and my friends). Guys want to fix things and maybe we like it just the way it is.
Well, see there's a problem there though, we've talked extensively about kinks and pretty much everything . Neither of us are too shy about talking, they just genuinely don't fantasise as they have aphantasia (a condition that causes little to no mental imagery). As far as desires, they're partner pleaser, so they pretty much just want what I want, which clashes since I'm also a partner pleaser lol
I get that, but in general we've both been talking about trying new things. I sorta just feel bad for them that I end up being the one deciding since they have trauma based around that sort of stuff. I also like how things are, I just want to find ways, even if not sexually that I can help them take back that control they lost with their last partner
forgot to reply to part of this, my brain completely skipped a line. We've been working on communication a lot too as we both struggled with it before, and we've actually been working a little on our intimate lives. They've started being dominant without me asking them too or somehow initiating it, which I'm really happy to see as it's a huge step for them. Thank you, for your input. Both our last relationships hit us pretty hard, but mine wasn't as long lasting thankfully so recovery has been a little easier on me.
