Parents who support their teens sexual relationship?

I know a parent who not only provides birth control to her teen daughter but actually encourages the daughter to have a sexual relationship with the boyfriend because the parent likes the boy and wants the daughter to hold on to him.

I am not sure what to think about this. Do you know of any parents that would actually encourage their teenager to have a sexual relationship?

 

That sounds horrible. I can understand if the teen was adamant about having sex and she provided the pill. But actively encourage it is just awful. I don't think people should have sex until they get to college. I was a senior in college before I had sex. Look how much sex I've had. Am I old? No. So what's the rush?

 

I think you make things up but that's just my opinion

 

Encouraging a teen to have sex is a terrible idea. Chances are it's already happening but encouraging it is irresponsible. If they think their daughter needs to have sex with the boy to keep him he probably isn't a keeper to begin with. My dad never encouraged it but he also didn't bury his head in the sand and pretend like it wasn't happening. He didn't support it but he did support me being safe and smart about it so he offered to buy condoms.

 

What do you think I make up? Why would I lie on an anonymous message board?

 

Samantha, I agree that parents encouraging their teens is a terrible idea and I also think that waiting until college is, in general, a good idea, but maybe not for the same reasons as you.

Personally, I think that most (but not all) teens are probably capable of safe, responsible, mutually enjoyable sex by their junior year in high school. If that's happening, I'd hope that the parents of both are taking steps to make sure that it's as safe as possible (birth control, education on avoiding STDs, and so on.) However, the whole "waiting until college" argument is (for me) primarily for legal reasons.

In most states, sex with a minor (usually defined as anyone younger than 18), even a consenting minor, constitutes statutory rape. This is true even if the other individual is ALSO a minor. So, conceivably, two sixteen-year olds could have consensual sex and both end up convicted of a felony. That's pretty harsh for what most reasonable people would consider a "victimless crime".

I'm like you. I didn't lose my virginity until my second year of college. (I should note that I really wanted to lose it a lot sooner!) However, I have a lot of friends who lost theirs in high school and none of them are any the worse for wear due to it. A couple of them, in fact, are married to the person they started fucking in high school, so it can work.

As always, YMMV.

 

Well that's just pretty creepy that a mother does that just cause she likes a guy. But whatevs, she probably spreads her gash for him too.

As for me, once the folks got used to gayness, they don't have a problem with another girl sleeping with their daughter.

 

Sorry Samantha that was aimed at nikeboy oops I mean nikegirl

 

My daughter asked me about going on the pill at 17. She told me she never done anything, but was more than likely to over the next year.
I gave her my permission, if not my blessing, but insisted that even with the pill, she needed to insist on condoms for very session.

I know she became sexually active after high school (she was 18) but as to the other advice, I do not know.

As to the original question, as a parent, could have refused and ranted on about moral standards and dangers, but she knew all that. It was going to happen: it did happen!
Again, not with my blessing, but at least I ensured she would not end up pregnant.

 

Ok, encouraging is a bit creepy, but I think that it's probably a good idea to not attach any unnecessary taboos to sex. Talk about it with your teenager like it's a completely normal part of grown up people's daily lives, and give them support when necessary. Late teens are normally the horniest period in a person's life, and it's a bit unfortunate when you think about sex all day long, but are pressured to feel like it's something forbidden that you shouldn't be thinking about. Making it all a huge taboo can only increase the likelihood they will take risks and do something really irresponsible in order to express themselves in such a situation.

 

Okay cool

 

My parents were very sexually open to use having "sleep overs." They preferred that it happen at home more so than in the back seat of a car. And I know from the comments that many of you will be upset to hear this but sex to them was something to embrace. Yes, my brother and younger sister had the lecture as it related to disease but that was it. My mother is first generation Japanese who taught me that as a Japanese woman, it was OK to seek to please our lover. To this day, I carry that lesson very close to me. Yes sex is a mutual dance but I really like to know that I have please my lover (yes, I am bi).
I fully expect to get comments on this. Whether or not I carry that on to my own family when I have one, I don't know, but for now, I have no regrets.

 

Well, let me be the first to comment. I applaud your parents and envy your upbringing. I wish my parents had been that frank and accepting of sexuality!

 

I find it amazing how times have changed (in a good way that is).

I remember in my day, Sex Education was limited until we reached the 3rd year of Secondary school (about 14), and even then it was very limited. A brief mention about how some boys like to rub their penises to achieve a pleasurable sensation, but no mention about how or what the sensation was all about.

I do remember that our Biology teacher was very liberal minded & was even suspended after the national papers got wind about how she had handed out some packets of 3 to the boys to experiment with.

These days, I'm pleased to see that basic Sex Ed even begins in the primary schools, and that parents are encouraged to be open with their children about it all from the very start, in such a way that they are raised to find it a comfortable subject & never concerned about asking questions. What's more, as this approach has moved on another generation or 2, the ones who were raised in this manner are finding it 2nd nature to be open with things to their own kids, just as it should be.

 

Kids will learn about sex one way or another. I just depends on whether it is from your family or at home.

 

They kind of have to start at least general sex education now in primary school just because there are grade school kids hitting puberty, of both genders, at ages as young as 7-8.

Once that happens the hormones do what they do.

Also they are outliers but there do exist a handful of cases where kids in approximately 4th-6th grade are already starting their sex lives with oral probably being the most common.

A minority, but reason enough to start STD talks around age 7-10.

---
Semi-relatedly to the topic,

When I was in kindergarten, we had the lecture of "good touch vs bad touch" and I remember thinking that the dumbed down talk about what to do if someone touches you in the private areas were full of holes logically speaking.

So for instance the talk seemed to levy guilt on us (kids) if we did the touching or looking of one of our peers, which was probably less likely to happen than say an adult preying on us. But if the latter were to happen, the lecture made you feel you'd get in trouble if some older party touched you because you were a participant, albeit forced, and therefore would get in trouble if you told an adult what happened too you.

I tried to convey this at age 5-6 to whomever social worker was our guest lecturer and she just seemed flustered and so I gave up.


The adults were very squeamish talking about the subject which contrasted with how other subjects were talked about more directly and you noticed the shift in speech patterns and body language.

 

Nisei girl, does nisei mean first generation Japanese American?

 

I was a teenage boy once and I knew that telling my sons not to have sex was useless. Instead, I told them to let me know when they ran out of condoms and more would be provided...no questions asked.

As for my own upbringing.....my parents didn't care if I was having sex.

 

Well, you know the old saying,

"When you have a teen-age son, you worry about him. When you have a teen-age daughter, you worry about everyone else's teen-age sons."

 

Exactly. Gah! with this thread, and also cos your parents are the very last people you want to be talking about sex with :ack2: