pansexual

Discussion in 'Bisexual' started by MikeE, Jan 19, 2006.

  1. Invisible Soul

    Invisible Soul Burning Angel

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    @Vanilla Gorilla: You're right. People always say that (or words to similar effect) when I explain my situation to them. It can be frustrating, but I know they are only trying to make me feel better when they say that (even though it doesn't). Whilst I actually do agree that there is "someone out there for everyone", what others don't seem to acknowledge (or at least if they do, they don't want to admit that to me) is that for most people, there are many people who would make an ideal partner for them. The amount of people out there that would be compatible for someone like me is far, far fewer than for most other people. It is frustrating when people try to make me have the impression that finding love is no more difficult for me than it is for the average woman. My desires and needs are no different from other heterosexual women who were lucky enough to be born and raised in a normal way. But for me, having those needs met is exponentially lower than it is for them.

    You also make a good point. That even a lot of "normal" people, who do not have the barriers and problems in finding a relationship as I do, are unhappy in their relationships. So, if it's difficult for people without my deformities and issues to find "the one", then what chance have I got?

    I do think a lot of people ignore my situation, or try to gloss over it when offering me advice about finding love and romance.

    @Meridianwest: I can see what you're saying, and you're right, they are just empty words to me. I guess the problem is, how do you advise someone who is in a position that is very alien to most of the general population? One thing I realised once I started chatting to people online, was exactly why I spent so long in the first place avoiding people as much as possible. Spending time chatting to other people only makes me acutely more aware of how different I am, and that is something I don't want to be aware of. I wish I could run and hide away from that fact. I never wanted to be different, but we all don't get what we want out of life do we? lol
     
  2. Aerianne

    Aerianne Lifetime Supporter Lifetime Supporter

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    People should not placate. That just shows disrespect and ignorance.

    I get it, Invisible Soul. I'm in your corner.
     
  3. Manservant Hecubus

    Manservant Hecubus Master of Funk and Evil

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    "I do think a lot of people ignore my situation, or try to gloss over it when offering me advice about finding love and romance. "

    It's the elephant in the room and nobody wants to be 'that jerk' for bringing it up.

    Have you ever sought therapy for your social issues?
     
  4. Invisible Soul

    Invisible Soul Burning Angel

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    It does... but I can see why some people do it. And thank you again. :)

    I have seen several therapists/phsychologists/counselors since I was 18, and I'm now nearing my mid-thirties. As you can tell, it didn't do me any good... I think the problem is, when it comes to issues like mine, most mental health professionals are no more adequate at helping, than anyone else. As it's something they aren't trained to deal with.
     
  5. meridianwest

    meridianwest Senior Member

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    one thing i want to add to this is: don't you think that is a problem in itself, the fact that you perceive yourself as inherently different from everyone else? i get what you mean, you are different, but at the same time you're a human being like all the rest of us. and in that sense you are no different from others. i can speak from experience with gay guys. there are largely two types of gay guys--ones who think their homosexuality makes them vastly different from other people around them, and others who think of themselves just like any other guy out there, gay or not gay. the latter tend to just ignore what anybody's opinion on homosexuality might be and act as if it didn't matter at all (which it doesn't), and as a result people tend to set aside their sexuality more easily than in the former case. it's a sort of a phenomenon, where your own opinion of self carries on to other people's perception of who you are.

    i am gay and that makes me different from most of the guys around me. but when i am in the company of men, i'm not reminded of that difference (as you say is the case with you). i see myself as just one of the guys.
     
    Si69 likes this.
  6. Invisible Soul

    Invisible Soul Burning Angel

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    Well... I've felt different since I've been conciously aware of myself and my surroundings (4 years old). I was also treated differently than other people. Not just by other kids, but also by my own family. There has never been even a fleeting moment, where I've felt like I've belonged, or that I'm just the same as everyone else.

    As for trying to compare my situation with homosexuality... I don't think it really is comparable for a few reasons. For one thing, my issues and the problems related to them are not related to my sexuality at all. Of course it impacts on my sexuality because I feel Im very restricted in that department, both mentally and physically. But this was having a hugely negative impact on my life long before I became sexually aware, or even the remotest bit interested in issues like romance and love.

    Another way in which my situation differs from the issues of gay people, is that I have physical deformities and inadequacies that all add to the pain, frustration, and isolation that I feel. You are a man, and gay or not, that is something that no-one can question. When you have an intersex condition however, particularly one that was not adequately treated in your youth, people can, and do, question your sex and gender. Which is extremely humiliating, dehumanizing, and degrading. Gay people don't have to worry about meeting someone they like, and fearing rejection due to their anatomy. (unless they're actively pursuing a straight guy, which would be very foolish anyway) I have been rejected romantically for being infertile, and my physical inadequacies as a woman, and that is a pain that is impossible for me to put into words. And I never ever want to feel that pain again.

    The difference for you is, you are physically no different from other men. Only your sexual preference is "different". I am physically different from most other women, and that does make me feel very inadequate, worthless, and yes, different. Maybe I am just a weak willed person... but that is something that I cannot help.
     
  7. BlissRainbow

    BlissRainbow Member

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    others don't define you, you define yourself~
     
  8. BlissRainbow

    BlissRainbow Member

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    I don't know why people must reject anything too different than what they are used to, personally someone who is both male and female sounds freakin' awesome!~ ^_^ sometimes I wonder what it would be like to to be both, I think sometime in the future I am going to make myself physically indistingable from a male or female that's a pleasent thought!~ ^_^ I personally find the idea idea of someone who is both to be extremely attractive!~ I hope someone will fall in love with you and heal you with their love!~ If not, then self-love can do wonders!~ ^_^ (I speak from expierence)!~ It wasn't easy for me and I don't expect it to be easy for you but I will always be rooting for you!~ ^_^
     
  9. Invisible Soul

    Invisible Soul Burning Angel

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    I am not both female and male though... having an intersex condition does not make you a hermaphrodite. Intersex people are generally mainly one sex in a physical/genetic way. It's just a chromosomal, or hormonal defect which causes physical traits of the opposite sex to be present. (which is sometimes outwordly visible, but other times it isn't. But it can usually be successfully treated if done early enough in a child's life) When you identify as one gender, then being percieved as being "both" or the opposite gender, is not awesome in any way whatsoever. In fact, it's about as far away from awesome as it's possible to be. I would certainly never even entertain the idea of being in a romantic relationship with somone who viewed me as both female and male, or a "he/she". I'd rather remain alone than be in a relationship for it's own sake that feels completely unnatural to me.
     
  10. Aerianne

    Aerianne Lifetime Supporter Lifetime Supporter

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    Invisible Soul, talking about this is the best way to educate people. People just don't know unless someone who is living it talks about it.

    Kudos to you. :)
     
  11. Invisible Soul

    Invisible Soul Burning Angel

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    Talking about this is extremely painful for me, but the only way to quash the myths and misconceptions surrounding intersex conditions, is to educate people about them. Certainly, anyone who thinks it's in any way fun or good to have an intersex condition would change their minds very swiftly if they had to walk in my shoes for just a short length of time. I wouldn't wish my life on my worst enemy.

    Thank you again for your positive words. :)
     
  12. Vanilla Gorilla

    Vanilla Gorilla Go Ape

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    That comes off really condescending, and heres why, I'll break it down

    Oh really? So all your friends a whole mix of all types. You dont reject anyone based on appearance? The most socially awkward nerdy guys with acne and dandruff. The frumpy girl with adult braces no one talks too. And the guys that are out of your league you dont act bitchy? Who are you kidding

    Give it a try as a 6 year old, kids are really freakin mean


    And what about the ones you dont find attractive?

    Well thats pure genius, tell the person thats said shes never going to have a romantic relationship that she needs to be healed by falling in love. And what exactly needs to be healed? IS always sounds nice and humble, you sound like a shallow airhead

    Even more genius, I wont go further on that one, will just contain a whole lot of expletives.



    This is why educating the masses is useless, you first have to educate them on what they are
     
  13. meridianwest

    meridianwest Senior Member

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    you have a whole lot of growing up to do.

    so, even though i know i'm gay and other people know i'm gay, i should just go 'i'm not gay, it's only a label!'? completely ridiculous.
     
  14. BlissRainbow

    BlissRainbow Member

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    Whatever makes you happy or whatever you want to be~ ^_^ "defect" "unnatural" "natural", there are no defects only differences nature is not perfect even if it was who defines "perfect"?~ we may think we understand nature pretty well, but we actually understand very little about nature, how are we to know what is "natural" or "unnatural"?~ we don't~ bottem-line: whatever you want out of life, I hope you find it~ ^_^ good luck!~ :grin:
     
  15. BlissRainbow

    BlissRainbow Member

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    oh, meri... by the sound of it you have alot of growing up to do, instead of trying to see things from a different perspective you simply say "no" and state your perspective as the only one~ that's seems pretty childish wouldn't you think?~ ^_^

    as for my statement, I stand by it: you define who and what you are others only define you if you let them define you~ have a wonderful life and I wish you the best of happiness and love!~
     
  16. BlissRainbow

    BlissRainbow Member

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    lol

    you only come to these conclusions, because you are looking at it in negative perspective~ if you just look at the words as they are, you will see them for what they are~ lol
     
  17. Aerianne

    Aerianne Lifetime Supporter Lifetime Supporter

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    Others can't define you. They can only tell you what they perceive, which may tell you how well you exhibit who you are; or from what perspective they see others..
     
  18. Invisible Soul

    Invisible Soul Burning Angel

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    That is an understatement. I was relentlessly tormented from a very early age for that. Definitely not fun or nice in anyway whatsoever. I learned very quickly how cruel and judgemental others can be.

    I long ago accepted that someone being able to fall in love with me, the real me, was such a miniscule possibility, I could dismiss it as something that would ever realistically come to pass. So having someone say stuff like that, especially under the guise of "being both male and female sounds awesome!", frankly makes me even more depressed and disillusioned than I already am. I do need to be healed, but again, I know that isn't going to happen.

    And thanks. :)

    It's also a problem that some people simply don't want to be educated. They're way too happy living in their own make believe bubble to allow that to be disrupted, even if it's with the truth.

    Of course there are medical/physical defects. Although the problem with intersex conditions is less to do with the conditions themselves, and more to do with the way that the medical profession has chosen to deal with the issue of intersex conditions that are outwordly visible from birth. Had I been given the right medical treatment from an early age, and not had my gender wrongly assigned, I could have lived a normal life (or at least something resembling a normal life) in my true gender. Society in general knows very little about nature, and particularly about the nature of gender and physical sex. There is a culture of secrecy surrounding the issue due to medical people playing god, and many intersex people being completely unaware that they have an intersex condition. Due to medical people attempting to hide outwordly visible conditions, and there being many intersex conditions that are not outwordly physically visible from birth.

    It's not about whatever makes me happy, or "whatever I want to be". It's simply about who and what I am. It's not as simple or as frivilous as you're trying to suggest. And I know what is natural and unnatural to me, thank you. You just don't understand...
     
  19. s_coy2005

    s_coy2005 Member

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    all these fancy words
     
  20. BlissRainbow

    BlissRainbow Member

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    All I know is, the easiest way to be miserable is to make yourself miserable.~ It's so easy you don't even realize you're doing it.~ I've been there, many people who are full grown-adults are still there.~ You have more power than you think, you don't like something change it however way you can~ In the meantime, try to make lemonade out of lemons man.~ I wish you hope and strength on your travels no matter where they take you.~ Peace and love~:daisy:
     

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