overcomming jealousy

Discussion in 'Love and Sex' started by quantum0menace, Jan 31, 2009.

  1. how do you overcome jealousy when your ex is seeing another girl?
  2. seizedbyanger

    seizedbyanger Banned

  3. ... and how do u do that???
  4. seizedbyanger

    seizedbyanger Banned

    time and patience.

    thats all you can do.
  5. CaptainLS

    CaptainLS Banned

    it just takes time. You will get over him and you will move on.
  6. FunHogg

    FunHogg Senior Member

    IT's your ex...so why still give a shit? On to the next one...
  7. seizedbyanger

    seizedbyanger Banned

    easier said than done.
  8. CaptainLS

    CaptainLS Banned

    easier typed than said
  9. foxer

    foxer Member

    "God alows us to experience the low points of life in order to teach us lessons we could not learn in any other way. The way we learn those lessons is not to deny the feelings but to find the meanings underlying them." --Stanley Lindquist
    hopfuly this helps in some way
  10. how much time?

    and is it normal to think ab them... every day, several times a day.........
  11. AcousticPeace

    AcousticPeace Member

    me and my (ex) boyfriend of two years broke up a month ago, we were very close, and i throughout this past month, ive thought abou thim a lot, but weve been friends and i see him every once in a while.

    so i think now after its been a little bit i can see myself and a new future in front of me, time to take back freedom and be yourself and see who else is out there!! good luck!!!!
  12. im glad, peace, that you managed to pick up the pieces of yourself so healthy and fast:))

    i wish you good luck:)
  13. Therese Aline

    Therese Aline Slave to the man

    It's normal to need time to get over someone, but at the same time you can't enable yourself. Don't pine and dwell on it. It's ok to hurt, but remember that you can't change how things are and that your life continues even though he's not a part of it anymore.
  14. and i hate that
    through politics i learned, and wanted to believe -- that i CAN change things
    how come i believe it, and am encouraged on a global level -- but am said daily that i cannot change things in my life? doesnt make sense.... :((
  15. Therese Aline

    Therese Aline Slave to the man

    Who broke up with who?
  16. you have a point.
    he broke up with me.

    but you know what i mean?
    we try and change things and world and......
    and in the end,
    we cannot change even our own life
  17. Jinny

    Jinny Member

    Sorry that you are having a rough time Quantum.

    There is no easy answer to finding a way to overcome jealousy. Everyone is different.

    Most people find distraction a way through it, like going out to places with friends, etc. One of my friend's currently is in a similar position. For a while, she was very self-destructive with it all - and her mood spiralled downwards into depression, but one day, she just decided enough was enough, and she wanted to change that state of mind. Now every time she has a jealous or blue moment, she stands up very straight, pushes her shoulders back, and her chin up, and whilst walking in a circle if possible, she says "Change the record! Change the record!", then she counts fast "12345678910" 3 times over, then says with meaning "Record Changed", then she goes and does a different activity - like if she was watching tv, she'll go and put a CD on that isn't connected with him, and move about, or then pick up a book and concentrate on it hard, reading out loud, and if it is a really bad moment, out loud and fast until she slows down. Now I know this sounds bizarre but it works...well for her - and the mantra "change the record" has helped me on a couple of tough times, when mourning for my stolen pony. It's a bit like Cognitive Behaviourial Therapy. Instead of letting a needle get stuck in the groove of a record and playing over and over again - you are forcing it to move on and play a different tune. The shoulders back and chin up move is good as it alters your mind state on a physical level, and the counting sends thoughts to a different part of the brain and away from the part that processes jealousy. So there is method behind the madness. And you have to say it with as much meaning as you can get, until you believe it. It isn't an overnight cure, but if the feelings are clouding your mind too much - who knows? it might help. She says it out loud if there is no-one around, and in her head if she looks like she might get locked up for insanity! Hehehe!

    You have to understand that it is also very common to have that gap in a previous relationship, and then a few weeks later, miss that person, and think of them constantly. It is a bit like homesickness apparently. The thing is that around about this time, is when the feelings of pain and upset in the relationship, fades a little and people tend look back for the more comforting and happier memories, often and unfortunately, with Rose-tinted glasses. Remember though - relationships rarely end on happy notes, or mutual terms.

    You CAN make a difference, and you CAN change things in your own life. You can try and look to the future, get your mind out of the stuck groove, and accept that you miss him - or at least the company of him, and give yourself a little time and understanding - without analysing why or how to stop these feelings. Acknowledge that you are moving through a loss in your life, because it is just that - a loss - and you have a grieving process to work through.

    Continual jealousy is extremely hard to get through, as the cause is often deep rooted, and seeing a therapist might be helpful. But try to remember, in this case, that there was a reason that the relationship ended, and things clearly weren't as happy as they may have seemed.

    You can't change what happened with the relationship, but....you CAN change what you do with it now, and how you deal with what happened. With a little patience, and open-mindedness, you WILL get through it all, and will most probably meet someone who will be better suited to you.

    Please remember - this is just an opinion - if it all sounds like I'm talking rubbish - ignore it - its just words :)

    Wishing you peace and calm in your mind, and happiness in your life.
  18. Therese Aline

    Therese Aline Slave to the man

    But maybe it's for the best. There really are plenty of fish in the sea, and you have potential for chemistry with a myriad of people. Don't sell yourself short, he's not the only man out there. You may even meet one better and you'll be glad a door was opened to let him in.
  19. Jinny, that's ingenious! really.

    i wrote it down, will do it do it do it

    coz i had that "'nough is 'nough" moment yesterday...

    dwelling on them wont improve my life for the better......
    and that is what i need to do.

    not past not past

    we want to change future, right?

    makes sense.

    thank you, people.

    i hope i will stick to wht i said:))
  20. washable

    washable Member

    Overcoming jealousy well that is something that unfortunatly takes time...

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