WOW, this has been a bad day...or has it. Let's see, when I woke up this morning, I had intended to finish tilling the cornfield. Have to finish getting it out because they're out growing the peat pots. We couldn't afford to buy a new tiller, so being the ingenuitive person that I am, bought a 6 1/2 hp mower and swapped out the bottom pulley systems and put the new motor on an old frame. Long story short. 650 dollar tiller for under 200 bucks. Well, I woke up this morning and someone had taken it out of our field, carried it over the fence and had taken off with it. I stood there for a second and my first thought was " well, if they really needed a tiller that bad, I want them to have it...my gift to them" I needed to work on my biceps anyway and a shovel isn't so bad. I only have one row to go anyway. The end of that story. Well, I went next door to let my grandpa know in case he had anything missing. My aunt, uncle and two grown cousins live there with him, and upon hearing of the theft, everyone immediately started pointing fingers and blaming this neighbor or that....Yuck. It left me with a bad taste in my mouth. Is that how we're supposed to relate to one another, blame, judgment etc... I came back home and looked around...the RV was a MESS. We hadn't picked up last night and the dishes weren't done. I guess most of us have lived in tight quarters at one time or another, so you know if you don't clean up all the time....well...it gets bad. So I thought, "maybe the tiller was stolen so I could get some other things done and quit worrying about the cornfield". I felt inspired to write about the tiller experience as I was proud of maintaining a peaceful place. Well, I got our laptop out and started to move it from the back room into the living area so as not to bother Julie (she worked last night and was trying to sleep). The cords were tangled up so I sat the computer down on the counter (really on top of a pan that was on the counter) and turned around to untangle the cords......CRASH....computer hits the floor... In that moment I felt my peace slipping away from me. The tiller stolen, the blame, judgment, and general negativity from next door, the computer laying in the floor amidst a mountainous mess that suddenly seemed much larger and much more imposing than it had moments before. Then the thoughts came. Why can't people just respect one another...if they had asked me to use the tiller I would have gladly let them...I was almost done with it anyway....Why blame and judge others for the "theft" why the negativity....Why can't we keep the god damned house clean anyway...we work on it everyday! What else could go wrong today?????? I'm usually a very calm, loving, peaceful person. I give freely and love freely, but I tasted bitterness and anger, I breathed sarcasm and judgment of others. A sickness had come over me. I had forgotten who I am, I had forgotten the love that flows through me and it hurt my soul. I had lost my peace. I started cleaning with the anger and frustration in my heart and soul, but working, for me is like a meditation. It gives you time to clear your mind and experience the peace once again. Do I want to be angry at anyone for any reason? No. Does it make you feel good?...Hell no. It's debilitating, not empowering. The events of this day have reminded me that my peace is dependant on me...not outside influences, not on circumstances flowing positively in my favor. How am I qualified to judge any event as good or bad. Do I presume to know the ultimate plan...the grand design? Am I so willful as to believe that I can "make" my reality? Well to make a long story over...I have found my peace again and I am ready to rejoin the brotherhood of man...the ultimate community...and contribute to the world once again. I am ready to be the CHANGE that I wish to see in the world, not to be a member of the status quo. If you've read this whole thing...you need a hobby.. lol Peace, love and for those of you with the tiller that I used to use. Happy gardening!
Wow, I'm sorry you had such a bad day. I must admit I giggled a little bit at your story though, I hope you don't mind. If anything, you gave me a much-needed laugh. I even laugh at my own days like that. There is just something comical about so many things going wrong at once. As for the house, I wanted to point you to a site I've been using to help me get in my house in order. It works, although the system has been accused of being things it's not. But anyway, I'll point it out and you can check it out for yourself: http://www.flylady.net/ I know it seems like it's for certain people and it might not quite fit you, but my point is the general ideas and system work. Anyay, back to your bad day, look at the bright side, at least you are lucky enough to have a lifestyle that you like, even if it's not always easy, right?
