Other Side of a Sexless Marriage

So let's pretend, that you've been in a good marriage or relationship and enjoyed sex and intimacy with your partner. Then for some reason you totally lost interest in sex and intimacy, but your spouse is still very interested. What do you THINK you would do for your mate? Would you try to meet his or her needs even though you weren't interested? Would you allow them to cheat? Would you go to couples therapy?

Personally, I always loved watching my wife be sexually excited and have an orgasm. I think I would try to meet her needs as much as possible, orally or manually at least. I would definitely encourage her to masturbate and play with toys so she could have as much enjoyment as possible. It's hard to really say because I can't ever see myself losing my sex drive.

The closest I can come to this now is that my wife really enjoys foot rubs and I used to give her a foot rub maybe three times a week. Throughout our marriage as I've grown angry with her sometimes, I don't give her the foot rubs as often. Hence, I give her the foot rubs as a reward. However if our marriage was great and she treated me well, I would probably give those foot rubs to her more often because I knew she really enjoyed it and I want to make her happy. Sadly now, i make her earn the foot rubs by exercising so that this way she can lose some weight. She is obese and I have to say this has helped bring down some pounds.

 

If there is a physical reason for your wife lacking interest in sex I am not sure I am the right person to give advice, frankly I am astounded at the number of Americans that wobble around at huge overweight numbers and I personally could never see myself partnering, let alone have sex, with an obese mate. If you were to take size away from the discussion and for some other reason sex became rare, then I would suggest either party should look elsewhere to satisfy their carnal desires. Sex for most couples is an important part of any relationship, however a lengthy time together does not mean the relationship has to end, if for any health related reason one half of the partnership can no longer perform. Many relationships can continue with one or the other obtaining their sexual needs with others and I see that as a practical response.

 

I was groomed by a older woman. I spent four weeks with her

 

Yes this is us exsctly. She lost all her sex drive after a full hystorectomy. For so many frustrating years she would only masturbate and suck me to help me out, and that was not even once a month. Yes she let me cheat but really didn't like it. I had a hard time getting into it. Yes, we are goin gto couples therapy. It's been some 6 months and very minute progress. If It were she who wanted sex I would let her have a lover as well as me, preferably a friend who came here to give her sex. She won't let anyone come here though, so thta one is hypothetical. I'd at least want her to be getting it.

 

My wife and I have a very good sex life together. We have a loving and devoted relationship. That said, we made a agreement (pact) many years ago that if one of us could not sexually satisfy the other we could and would find sexual satisfaction with others. There would be no cheating. In fact, we would help each other in that search. It would be done “for”the love of one another.
Fast forward to now, we have come to realize that neither one of us can solely satisfy the needs of the other. So, we have opened our relationship to include others. Again, this is done because we truly love each other.

 

What a wonderful agreement, you seemed to be a lovely couple

 

I think that lifetime monogamy is an awfully high bar to set for anyone at the best of times. If I was unable to meet my mate's needs for any reason, I would still want her needs met. She's my mate, not my possession; I claim no proprietary rights over her.

 

Danny, Thank you for the kind words sir.

 

I was in the same boat.Getting her interested in doing something that could work for both of us. We discovered Strapon fun, which fortunately worked for both of us. She could help satisfy my needs, with minimal effort on her part. She discovered that it was fun to turn the tables and shove a big dildo up my ass. I had the best orgasms of my life from getting pegged.

 

Yes, my wife said she would. I have a couple of dildoes. She did use it on me once years ago, and says she is OK with it, but hasn't in more than a decade. I asked once recently and she just said, "you use it on yourself." That was very deflating. Now She'd actually be happier if I went out and visited a cock sucker so she doesn't have to bother. I've done that a bit, years ago.

 

Read : ”The Sex Starved Marriage” by Michelle Weiner Davis. It’ll explain everything you and your spouse need to understand. No it doesn’t say you’re a sex starved dog or she’s a frigid bitch. You both will both agree and disagree with her but will have a better understanding of the dynamics at play. Trust me read it and suggest she read it as well.

 

I heard her ted talk but didn't know she wrote a book. I will check it out but my wife probably would not. She doesn't think we're having a problem. Thanks for the tip Sallymae!

 

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It's

 

It's only hard if one expects every need to be met. Love is not about every need being met. Life, and happiness, is never 100%. A little maturity is in order here.

 

That's exactly what my wife said. In fact, she is the one who talked me into bi play with our gay friend and later on, another old friend. She was into Watching, even in the internet or security cameras. I know she would be thrilled to see it happen again. I wouldn't mind it either.

 

Exactly what my spouse encourages I do. It's a two way street and if one finds pleasure having sex with others the other should be able to also. One day my spouse and I sat down and had a deep conversation about our relationship, our needs, and desires. We both desire to stay with one another no matter what. I need sexual outlets, one of which is human contact. My spouse while missing sex needs to abstain for her own comfort and health. So in order for us to meet both those needs I find human contact sex with other women. My spouse supports me in this. She needs a lot of medical and personal care. That is my job to see that she gets it. I also do a lot of the hands on care she requires. It keeps me quite busy at times. Isn't that what love is all about? Finding ways to meet each others needs and caring for each other?

 

I would not enter into a committed relationship where sex wasn't going to be important or a part of it. And a relationship where sex is a part of it on both partners side then one partner withholds sex for their own selfish reasons is the worst of all.

 

The trouble is, when the low libido partner is also an introvert, as with my wife, and my Brother, they aren't even thinking about meeting their partner's needs. My brother lost all his sexual desire after a stroke. My sister in law gives signs of needing some cock but having to live in her frustrated bubble. She told me, for years, on the rare occasions when they did anything, she'd get on him and do all the work. I asked him frankly how they get on, and he said he's perfectly satisfied with other things he does and never thinks about sex. She dreams about being fucked and has bouts of depression and frustration. I know that only too well. I was not going to ruin the relationship with my brother by suggesting I fuck his wife, but if the opportunity arose I'd love to.

 

I agree with friendlycock. My low libido spouse is an introvert and also sees no problem with our sex life. She actually said to me at one time that she thought our sex life was great. I told her no, I wasn't happy with it. Not just frequency but she rarely showed or shows any interest in pleasing me in the bedroom or most other aspects of our marriage. An earlier reply talked about having an agreement about going outside the marriage if your spouse couldn't meet your needs. If only i'd thought of that 30 some years ago!