Opinions ... ?

Discussion in 'Relationships' started by Suncatch22, Jun 29, 2006.

  1. Suncatch22

    Suncatch22 Member

    In my quest to "get the poet out of my system", I am considering taking up with an old friend, but secretly I know he is an asshole. :) I am just curious to see what other people think ... so here are the facts.

    The boy is drop-dead gorgeous, and pretty bright, and funny. He has maybe one or two serious bones in his body, but they are in someplace out of the way (maybe his middle ear ;)) -- he does not take life seriously whatsoever and seems to think it is there just to make him happy.

    He can be very kind and caring ... but he can also be an asshat. He technically cheated on his ex-girlfriend with me (they were living together but fighting constantly and rarely speaking at the time we got together, and by the time we got serious they had officially broken up). He is completely unreliable unless there is something in it for him -- does not return phone calls or show up for plans unless he thinks I might either please him if he does or hurt him if he doesn't. He also drinks a LOT, and irresponsibly.

    We stopped speaking under very odd circumstances involving (what I suspect to be) the jealousy of his ex-ex-girlfriend with whom he was living (and possibly getting casual sex from).

    But at the same time he is what I want right now: fun, lighthearted, casual, easygoing, good for cuddling and plenty of adventure in all varieties.

    So should I give it a try, as long as I go into [whatever relationship transpires] with open eyes and zero expectations?

    Just curious. :) Thanks ladies and gents -- peace!
  2. rg paddler

    rg paddler Senior Member

    That is the part in red that worries me - you are already fooling yourself

    Otherwise - I'd say what the hell - go for it
  3. Suncatch22

    Suncatch22 Member

    Point taken!

    However, by "serious" I only meant that we were doing ... more than talking.

    (In other words, I used it as sort of a euphemism for "fucking" ... :rolleyes: )

    So thanks for the support and the clarification!
  4. Gypsy_girl

    Gypsy_girl Member

    Like I said on your other thread: as long as everyone involves knows where each other stand, I see nothing wrong with it.
  5. mamaboogie

    mamaboogie anarchist

    you already knew the answer before you even asked. I'd really urge to to try a bit harder to find someone who will be nice to you instead. I know that at your age, "nice" was not what I was looking for.... but that's only because I didn't know any better.
  6. .Hannah.

    .Hannah. Member

    Good God, did we date the same person?

    I know I do not want dependency, or monogamous relationships but I sure as hell will never return to that stinking black hole.

    If you're sure that's what you want, then I wish you all the best.
  7. cutelildeadbear

    cutelildeadbear Hip Forums Gym Rat

    I'm confused on what you want from this guy. But I'm full of opinions. LOL. I say if you just want to screw, go ahead and screw. As long as you know that is all it will ever be. Don't start thinking that oh maybe he will change, etc. That is only going to set yourself up for heartbreak.

    And I'm also confused by another response. Is he not nice to you? Mean to you? Or just a flake like you describe. If he is mean in any way, or puts you down, then by all means cut ties with him and move on to someone else. But if his biggest flaw is that he is a flake and doesn't show up for drinks one night, then really is that a huge deal to you right now? Does it hurt your feelings if he doesn't show up? Because if that is the case, then you are already emotionally attached and it is attachment to more than sex and having fun, which won't work because you will be hoping for one thing and he will be doing another.
  8. nightwriter

    nightwriter Member

    If you want something casual, why don't you look for a non-asshole to give it to you?

    Are you sure that you don't have a crush on this guy?
  9. mamaboogie

    mamaboogie anarchist

    it's not too much to ask for a little respect...
  10. homeschoolmama

    homeschoolmama Senior Member

    Well personally, I wouldn't have much of anything to do with him. Gorgeous guys who are fun to be around may make awesome friends to casually hang out with... but if they're willing to cheat on a relationship, and are irresponsible & have a tough time taking ANYTHING seriously that's the kind of guy I wouldn't be willing to risk my heart with.

    Maybe you two could hang out on weekends & stuff without being serious, and maybe that wouldn't work for you. I don't know your personality well enough. But no, I would not start a serious relationship with someone like this.
  11. cutelildeadbear

    cutelildeadbear Hip Forums Gym Rat

    but she said all she wants to do is have a casual sexual relationship (even though I suspect she secretly wants more). So if that is all either of them want, then I don't see the harm. Her heart can't get broken if her heart isn't in it to begin with. And respect, well if she is just using him for sex then aren't they respecting or disrespecting each other equally?

    I'm wondering if there is a little bit of sexism going on here, don't all jump on me and start attacking at once please. But what I mean is that because this is a female asking if she should just have a "friends with benefits" relationship with a super hot guy, everyone is telling her no, to hold out for true love (when she has already expressed that isn't what she wants at the moment) and telling her that he is not good enough, when it wasn't even his idea, it is hers. I am almost 100 percent certain that if a guy had come in here and posted the same exact thing about a girl, everyone would tell him to fuck the hottie.

    Hopefully I'm wrong about that, but I doubt it.
  12. icedteapriestess

    icedteapriestess linguistic freak

    You do realize that if he wasn't all the good things you listed, like funny and not serious, he wouldn't be all the things you dislike.

    Not serious kinda goes hand in hand with the "bad" behaviour you listed.... so you are kinda S.O.L. If he were more serious, he wouldn't ask like an ass, but would you like him as much??
  13. Suncatch22

    Suncatch22 Member

    Good points, all of you.

    Deadbear -- secretly, I do want more, but not with this guy. He's an ass. ;)

    Which is why I like him.

    Wow ... I am pretty messed up. And probably somewhat sexist too. Someone slap me! :)
  14. dietcoketree

    dietcoketree Member

    forget him. id like to think you can get better.
  15. Suncatch22

    Suncatch22 Member

    So would I, actually ...

    I have pretty much been in a stupid alcoholic haze lately and it is clouding my judgment. I seem to think I have only a few options left in my romantic life:

    1.) To be put on an impossibly high pedestal by some man who reveres me but turns a blind eye to who I really am,
    2.) To be pitied and condescended as a "wanton" girl who "made a mistake" (ie, is not a virgin anymore) -- and to be smothered because I clearly cannot care for myself, or
    3.) To be used and discarded once more, like so much trash.

    I got kind of depressed and decided to start striking back, I guess.

    Not very smart of me -- and you kind folk helped me figure that out.

    Thank you :)
  16. Tipo Sensuale

    Tipo Sensuale Senior Member

    Steer clear of him, if he was an asshole before is there any proof he has changed?

    As for the sexism, I would give the same advice to anyone guy or gal - if someone is a bastard then just stay away.
  17. OleFlowerMan

    OleFlowerMan Member

    Sometimes we're just lonely and desperate and say all kinds of stuff that we don't even mean..There's karma involved here. The Alcohol will usually get you to a to a pretty ugly place. Bad Medicine... Try the Great Herb insted of that Depressive Alcohol Poison
  18. Suncatch22

    Suncatch22 Member

    Yeah, I prefer herb too ... unfortunately the man who dumped me was the only person whose stock I trusted!

    When my platonic friend comes home from out of state this week, I will have someone to keep me distracted and cannabized. :)

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