Open relationships?

I did a Google search and was able to come up with the following:

Blumstein, P. & Schwartz, P. (1983). American Couples: Money, Work, Sex. New York. Publisher: William Morrow.
Extensive research study that examined the relationships of lesbian, gay men, and heterosexual couples. Expectations for the couples, day-to-day living arrangements, and values of the couples are examples of some of the study questions.

Apparently, the book is out of print. I'm not surprised -- It was highly controversial when it was published, for the findings on gay male couples came out just as the AIDS epidemic exploded onto the public consciousness. I'll keep digging.

-- Skeeter

 

It depends on the context, but open relationships can be very reasonable. As long as both people involved have a mutual consent as to what is and is not appropiate, everything should be fine. It just takes a hell of a lot of communication and even more patience and understanding. You may even find that you have deeper feelings for your partner than you had previously been aware of by realizing just how little other people seem to interest you the way your partner does.

It is inevitable that you'll encounter someone of whom you fancy other than your partner and knowing what is and is not okay in your relationship with them makes everything that much more managable in those types of situations.

I cannot comprehend why anyone would want to end a meaningful relationship because of something as basic and primal as lust. It just seems nonsensical to me. I suppose some people just have difficulty dividing superficial attraction with profound adoration. I think cheating only truly occurs when there are feelings involved and the other person is oblivious to the details.

In any case, best of luck with everything!

 

Whenever a psychologist, or any scientific researcher for that matter, completes a study, they are obliged/expected to present their findings, along with a report on how the study was carried out etc., to the appropriate community. Hence it should appear in a journal, or at least be referred to by another researcher with a link to it. I'm not looking for a book but this report.

 

I'm afraid I can't help you there.

-- Skeeter

 

Then no offense but I'm not going to believe that study for a second- it will have been totally discredited. Especially considering they wrote a book instead of a report. Its just senstationalised literature, not a scientific study.

 

It's your perogative to reject the authors' findings on gay men's relationships, but it is not for you to say that "American Couples: Money, Work, Sex" is totally discredited, as 1) you have no evidence to prove it and 2) you're not male and therefore cannot possibly know first-hand the experiences of gay and bi men unless you conduct a study of your own.

On the other hand, as an openly bi man who has 30-plus years of personal experience in interacting with gay men, I can say without fear of contradiction that the findings are dead-on accurate.

Which is why I said in an earlier posting that I could write my own book on this subject. The one difference is that my book would be a personal memoir.

-- Skeeter

 

Yes open relationships can be reasonable, if both partners enter in it knowing all their options and the risks involved

But what you mean by not understanding why anyone would want to end a meaningful relationship because of lust? Do you the only meaningful part of the relationship are the "feelings" involved? Who decides that and why?

If lust is so primal and besides the point, why can't it be contained - or let me rephrase it : why do defenders of open relationship purposedly nourish that lust by gaining new partners all the time?

It doesn't seem that meaningless anymore, described this way

I just think people are not very honest when it comes to the importance they give to sex in their lives. It's only the body, yet that body seems to need a constant new burn. Let's try the same with feelings, and see if it sits well with anyone "it's only my feelings, I'll fall in love with them but you know I'll return to you".

 

They can work ..,we have an open relationship, we are married with 2 very young kids. We know we are committed but supporting each others needs and desires are key …it’s been working number of years…we are in our early 30s and we have been open since our mid twenties…

 

I have an active bi/gay life…there are few I have intimate relationships..,I openly let them know that I’m seeing others. As my priority is to experience many mm opportunities as possible.