One Pump Chump

Discussion in 'Love and Sex' started by Azur, Apr 25, 2016.

  1. Azur

    Azur Members

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    Basically I wanna know how not to be. Iv never had sex and for my birthday I decided to be super original and pay for an escort, the only thing I could think to do to make myself last longer is to take care of business before hand but I'm still really worried that's its gonna be like that seen from American pie where as soon as she takes off her shirt im done and I end up wasting a bunch of money so any tips?
     
  2. r0llinstoned

    r0llinstoned Gute Nacht, süßer Prinz

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    If the escort is as hot as Nadia youll probably be shit outta luck
     
  3. Desera_xoxo

    Desera_xoxo Members

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    Just have a good time! You've already messed up by putting to much thought into the process. Sex is just done not planned. And if its planned its just not fun. I'm not referring to the escort just the act of sex itself. just enjoy and who cares how many pumps it takes to get to the lolli pop lol....
     
  4. soulcompromise

    soulcompromise Member HipForums Supporter

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    Wear a condom! :)
     
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  5. MikeE

    MikeE Hip Forums Supporter HipForums Supporter

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    Is she an expensive escort or a bargain priced one?

    If she's not a cheap escort, tell her "I'm a virgin and you are my birthday present to myself." And let her exhibit her professional skill by dealing with the situation appopriatly. (A escort's skill isn't muscular control, but social interaction.)

    You aren't going to impress her. You aren't going to disappoint her. She's knows what she's doing, you don't. You hired a professional, relax and let her display her expertise.

    And if it turns out that you are "one pump chump", that's one pump more than you've ever gotten. :)

    Happy Birthday!

    P.S. Tip her and thank her, regardless of the outcome.
     
    3 people like this.
  6. Ashalicious

    Ashalicious Senior Member

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    THIS!
     
  7. SpacemanSpiff

    SpacemanSpiff Visitor

    wasting your first time memories on a dirty disgusting whore doesnt seem like a great present to yourself

    have a little self respect and keep looking for a soulmate instead
     
  8. Vanilla Gorilla

    Vanilla Gorilla Go Ape

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    Face your fear head on.

    Tell her you will pay her extra if she laughs at you after that one pump
     
  9. riverman18

    riverman18 solid gold brass

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    Thanks for making me snort cranberry juice out my nose [​IMG]
     
  10. I'minmyunderwear

    I'minmyunderwear Newbie

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    Yeah, you should definitely scare off a soul mate with awful sex rather than a hooker.
     
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  11. Karen_J

    Karen_J Visitor

    Have her start with a blowjob. You'll last longer on round two. That's when you should be in her pussy.
     
  12. bft4evr

    bft4evr Senior Member

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    Ca ching. Round two costs more. :)
     
  13. Azur

    Azur Members

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    lol great advice
     

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