Once a cheater always a cheater?

Me and my man have been together for 12 years. Not married with 3 kids.

He never liked when I would get online and chat in forums because he says it was cheating when I would talk to guys.

As payback he cheated on me with my friend behind my back for more than a year until I caught him. I found out there was another girl he had sex with during that time which he says only happened once. Obviously what he did was way worse.

But now he says he wont cheat because he only did it as revenge and saw how he hurt me when I caught him and wont do it again.

How can someone be physically intimate for more than a year and say they love me? I think it's all bs.

 

I am sure there are exceptions, but I find this rule to be generally true.

More alarming than the simple infidelity is that he did it to "get back at you." Whether or not you can accept this at face value, it's a big fat red flag in about 20 different ways. I think it signifies a whole host of flaws in his personality and your relationship. Yikes.

 

Be careful

 

I am being careful and cautious.

 

don't be careful and cautious.

i'm assuming "being careful and cautious" is what women call it when they won't break up with a shitbag like this for 12 years, then complain about him to everyone who will listen, then refuse to break up with him for another 12 years.

 

So once a guy cheats there is no other solution but to leave them? They never change?

 

Not saying that just be cautious

 

So now he has made you think it was actually your own fault? Lol
He is no different to all the other controlling men out there, who will do what they want, but your not entire the same rules... kick him out, he will find more stuff you do as e causes to have affairs..

Ps, talking to guys sexually on line, it's still cheating.. chatting about your day etc isnt..
He was looking for an excuse..

 

How was your day Babs

 

So I use to chat a lot online and flirt then stopped and went online to chat and joke around cause ots funny and entertaining to me and I would want him to see what I would post but if he ever saw a post where someone is joking sexually he would see it as cheating.

 

there's a big difference between cheating once, and trying to control who you chat with on the internet then cheating with two different people for an extended period while using the excuse of "i'm fucking your friend to get back at you for using the internet."

 

I agree and I told him that what he did was way worse than whatever I did. He said I put him through 13 years of disrespect by chatting with other guys online and he only cheated for a couple years which is him trying to justify the cheating... lol

 

He has no justification

 

Exactly

 

All the better for hearing from you moot

 

Best way to handle this is to outdo him in cheating. Cheat on him way more than he's done to you. Then boast about it with a "top that" attitude. That should do.

 

Nah I dont believe in cheating and 2 wrongs never make a right.

 

I figure that. That's why i made that post.

 

I've been known to take a sneaky extra few bucks for passing go.

Nobody plays by the rules in real estate and I don't play by the rules in Monopoly either.

 

If your relationship still works, what difference does it make that he cheated? And if it doesn't still work, then I guess it's over. Far be it from me to try to understand one of those relationships where it doesn't matter all that much if someone cheats or not. I don't understand how a relationship can not be over after that, but that's just me.