On Marriage

Discussion in 'Relationships' started by Tumble, Jun 27, 2013.

  1. Tumble

    Tumble Guest

    I've been with my boyfriend for two years now. We live together and I feel like we really fit eachother, though something has been troubling me. Mind you, I'm young (21) and I think it's normal for people my age to have crazy urges and thoughts, but I've been feeling like there's a lack of progress. We have discussed marriage and he feels like it's too early. I'm not pushing for it, but if he asked, I wouldn't mind. So, my question for those of you with experience is, is it too early? If you married at a young age, do you feel like maybe you should have waited? Or that you missed out on pieces of your life because you chose to get married?
  2. Jo King

    Jo King wannabe

    I didn't get married tell I was 28 and had a pretty wild life before hand. At 21 I wasn't very old really, so there is no way I would still be married if I got married before that.

    Without knowing you, I would say it's pretty young.
  3. Melanie_86

    Melanie_86 Member

    I've not long ago turned 27 Tumble and I am engaged to be married and that will be just before I turn 29. My fiance and I have been engaged now for two years and we have known each other since he was fourteen (I'm four years older) I believe for a marriage to be long lasting and complete, you really have to know one another inside and out. I would never ever consider living with a guy before marriage, nor have sex either before marriage. But then thats me and I know I'm a loner in that, but its simply how I feel. I am extremely happy and my life is everything I want it to be. By the way I am bi, so I do receive some sexual gratification in my life, but I don't see that as a priority.

    My advice is simply go with your heart and listen to your parents if they do have good advice. Some parents today are worse than their kids
  4. dark suger

    dark suger Dripping With Sin!

    you will probably live to like 90 that's so much more life to live. do you really feel like this person is the person you want to spend all this time with? or is there perhaps someone out there who is better or who makes you better out there that you have not met yet because in your 21 years of life you have not had the amount of time needed to love and discover your true self and what makes you truly happy.
  5. Being able to marry requires years. My family has had countless marriages fail from the few years they spent together. If you marry and grow bored you will go off nd find a new lover. I was a child of an affair that ruined the marriage. Though my birth was from a bad decisson I have seen the word marriage and found it a joke
  6. TheGhost

    TheGhost Auuhhhhmm ...

    If you think like that ..... don't get married.
  7. Melanie_86

    Melanie_86 Member

    basically being ready for it is when you 1/ can afford it 2/ you know that your boyfriend doesn't even notice other women and 3/ you know its the right time

    at the end of it all, try living apart for a few months and just go out on dates. see how strong the love remains then if you still have questions

  8. Are you serious? So you run around fiddling with other girls, but your boyfriend isnt going to get anything till he marries you and you "know he doesn't even notice other women"

    I hope your boyfriend finds someone far less selfish
  9. daisymae

    daisymae Senior Member

    I moved in with my boyfriend at 22 and got married at 24. We are still married almost 16 years later.

    I highly recommend living together for awhile to make sure you are compatible. I don't recommend getting married because you're bored. Divorces cost money and they get ugly.
  10. iriegnome

    iriegnome Member

    You have very wise concerns for someone so young. I married my first wife when she was 20. Big mistake for me. However, when you are ready, you won't have these questions. It will feel right and natural. Your thoughts of am I too young or did we wait long enough and all that jazz will not be on your mind. It is the right time when it is the right time. Doesn't matter if your 21 or 81. You will be supprised, but it will feel different at some point. You and he may be at different points as well. Don't rush anything is the biggest thing.
  11. Mike Suicide

    Mike Suicide Sweet and Tender Hooligan

    Before getting married be sure to ask yourself if you really are ready to commit the next 3-5 years of your life to this person, if not then don't do it.
  12. Sassygurl

    Sassygurl Member

    So wise. So very wise.
  13. LetLovinTakeHold

    LetLovinTakeHold Cuz it will if you let it

    In my opinion 21 is way too young to be getting married. That is unless a divorce is something that wouldnt bother you.I see it happening everywhere though, and it leaves me scratching my head.

    I would love to be married one day, but I will not even consider it till I'm at the very least 30 years old and have been with the person for 5 years. So considering that I'm 26 and single, if I met the love of my life tomorrow, I will be at least be 31 before I'm married. Divorce is not something I take lightly.
  14. Melanie_86

    Melanie_86 Member

    Depends on what you define as fiddling, sexual gratification is not always necessarily having intercourse. If a woman chooses to remain a virgin until after marriage, isn't that her perogative? I hear it so often from males, never a woman, that denying your boyfriend or fiance sex before marriage is selfish? D'oh....So if I was 15 and going steady with a boy would you still say the same thing?

    And yes. I even had a hint my guy was looking over at women, I would drop him like a hot rock.
  15. Piaf

    Piaf Senior Member

    You should keep in mind that Vanilla Gorilla is an old gay man who hates women, and basically thinks every girl has some sort of daddy issues.
  16. Alternative_Thinker

    Alternative_Thinker Darth Mysterious

    I'm not one with experience, but as someone who is in a slightly similar situation in a vague way... I think it all depends on how mutually beneficial your relationship is with your boyfriend. When I say "beneficial", I don't mean in a materialistic sense. I just mean whether or not the relationship helps both of you grow as individuals, and as a couple.

    Two years may be too early to think about marriage for some people, but I believe it's more than a sufficient time for some couples. It all depends on each couple I think. In fact, I have a friend who married a nice girl only after a few months of dating, and I seriously doubt they are ever going to get a divorce especially now that they finally have their first child.

    I recently got into a very happy relationship(albeit a long distance one) with an amazing girl. In two years she'll be your age but I'm WAAAAYYYY older than she is. If she were to wait till she was 30 to get married, then I'd be like pushing 50. I mean, if she was "the one" for me, then I'd like to marry her within five years or so, in which case she'd be 24 at the oldest. Well, I totally understand you can't control these things, and it's not like I'm trying to. It's just part of me being reacting to our big age difference, and also experiencing cultural pressure to marry ASAP since I'm way past that age. It's hard to explain, really.

    Of course, I'm willing to accommodate her wishes if those included that she waited till she was older to get married. Really the bottom-line is that marriage should happen because both parties naturally feel they are ready to take that step. But that doesn't mean one isn't allowed to merely dream/fantasize about it. I fantasize about marrying my SO, and having kids and living happily ever after. I fantasize about living life with her TOGETHER. It's too soon for us to start planning this, but that doesn't mean I don't THINK about it. It's just how my brain works.

    I guess the ultimate question is, are you really ready? I know I'm not quite yet, but that's because I never met anyone who was so "it-like" to me before my current SO. Three years ago, I was in a relationship with someone who simply had to be my Other Half in ANOTHER life. But she wasn't "it" for me in THIS life. One interesting thing is that I WAS more or less ready three years ago. However, I was also driven by this preconceived idea that she simply MUST BE "it" when she really wasn't. But with my current SO, I know I/we need more time to determine whether or not we are meant to take that step. It's like with my current girl, I can actually think straight, and I personally see this as a really good sign. And that's why I'm hoping she'll be "it". With her, I feel there's so much freedom for me to grow as an individual.

    I think the bottom-line is that you should follow your heart...... BUT!!!! Sometimes following your heart may later prove to be a bad decision, too. I think, if anything, you should determine how naturally and smoothly BOTH you AND your partner can accept the whole concept of being married to each other. If you actually HAVE TO convince yourself, or your partner, then you might not be ready for it after all. The ideal situation is that both of you propose to each other at the same time. Totally fairytale-like, I know... But it's kind of what you could aim for still, if not in a strict sense. Just make sure that it's something you BOTH want, and are ready for.

    All the best.
  17. Melanie_86

    Melanie_86 Member

    what was that M called Bond one time? A mysoginistic dinosaur? :2thumbsup:
  18. I'minmyunderwear

    I'minmyunderwear voice of sexy

    yes, it's too early. everyone's in such a damn hurry to get married and have kids as soon as they finish high school; enjoy life and learn to be happy on your own first.
  19. Tumble

    Tumble Guest

    Thank you all for your stories and advice. It helps. I think after reading some of these, along with advice from people I know, I'm able to clear my head in a way. There is a lot of pressure, especially where I'm from, to get married early and pop out a few babies. I think it may be that pressure that's getting to me. I know better than to succumb but that's why I ask the older generation because they know better than anyone what I'm going through. This is probably something very normal. I think I will just slow down and let life happen.
  20. la Principessa

    la Principessa Old School HF Member

    I don't think that telling someone to go around dating other guys is sound advice for someone who wants to get married.

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