On Being Yourself

Discussion in 'Ask The Old Hippies' started by Evergreen22, Apr 30, 2013.

  1. Evergreen22

    Evergreen22 Guest

    I'm only in high school at the moment (16), and it's extremely difficult to be myself at school - what with all the peer pressure and judgement going on, I find myself just conforming to what my friends think is "acceptable". You see, I think that I'm a bit scared to be myself because a lot of my friends are hard-core Catholics and we disagree on a lot of subjects - and that's when I haven't come out about everything that I really think!

    My friends are good people; they really are. It's just that they make some bad decisions every now and then - like judging others on how they look and being against differences in sexuality. I've know most of them my whole life, and I love them all so much; but being around them is really stopping me from being myself and trying to help this cause you all are so dedicated to.

    I was just wondering if anyone could give me some advice on what I should do in this situation. Should I walk away? Should I try to educate them about my true beliefs? Should I wait until later to sort of "come out" about all that I am and all that I believe?

    I'm thinking at the moment that I shouldn't look at what's going to happen and just live in the Now. "Be in the Now", right? I guess I know that a lot of you might tell me to just be myself and the rest will follow, but I think I'm too scared to accept it.

    Sorry for the long post, and any advice is much appreciated!

    ~ Ever
  2. Tyrsonswood

    Tyrsonswood Senior Moment

    Sometimes it is best to just turn and walk away... (2 cents)

    EDIT: and welcome to the forums.

  3. Evergreen22

    Evergreen22 Guest

    I knew you would say that :( Unfortunately, I think that's what I'll have to do. Just gotta work up to it somehow :/ Any advice on how to make the whole process any easier? :D "Like ripping off a band - do it quick!"

    And thank you - it's good to be here ^.^
  4. Meliai

    Meliai Banned

    You don't neccessarily have to walk away. You can always just put yourself out there and let them choose to stay friends with you or not.
  5. Irminsul

    Irminsul Valkyrie

    Die hard Catholics committing the sins of judgement =0 can't be.
    But don't worry, they'll burn in hell for that sin. =] heh, they ALL will.
  6. Evergreen22

    Evergreen22 Guest

    Meliai: I realize that, as well, and that's actually what I meant haha Though it didn't seem like it. I just know that they'll more than likely leave me. I don't look at others for their appearence, just their personality and how they make me feel, so I've had crushes on guys, girls, etc. and I know that my friends would never accept me after learning about that. I've heard them talking about others in the same manner, and, unfortunately, it's predetermined in their minds - nothing else to it. I hope that they do accept me, but I doubt they will. Maybe I'm just being pessimistic though :/

    Irminsul: I don't mean to say that all Catholics are judgemental - I have an older brother who's a devout Catholic and he's extremely open-minded and loving (I'm so happy he raised me well haha). It's true that a great number of them, sadly, are but I don't want to make too broad of a generalization (it weakens my credibility :p ).
  7. Logan 5

    Logan 5 Confessed gynephile

    Welcome aboard, Evergreen!

    I used to think it was hard to be myself, because I used to think that other peoples' opinions of me and how I am mattered. Then I finally gave up and a hippy friend said "Fuck'em, man. It's your life, to hell with them! You're not here for them, you're here for you!"

    I still find it hard to deal with people that tell me that I need to learn how to be myself, or that they think I'm trying to be someone else. WELL! I certainly ain't doing none of that, darlin', and don't let other people ride you over on yours either. Just be yourself no matter what. If they don't like then they can go straight to hell! Because you have to live with you no matter what.
  8. Evergreen22

    Evergreen22 Guest

    Thank you, Logan! Hearing about others' experiences always makes me feels better when dealing with the same situation. I know that many people will think I'm acting like someone I'm not and trying to be different, because I'm starting to act more like myself at school and my friends have commented on how "weird" I'm being. I suppose that I will just have to get better at not caring what others think, though it will be difficult. I've already started trying, and it's getting slightly easier.

    Thanks for the advice ^.^
  9. Reverand JC

    Reverand JC Willy Fuckin' Wonka

    Just do it. Don't think about being yourself just do it. If you lose friends just remember this passage:

    "So I got bored and left them there,
    They were just dead weight to me,
    Better off down the road without that load,"

    "Thrasher" Neil Young

    Rev J
  10. scratcho

    scratcho Lifetime Supporter Lifetime Supporter

    It's pretty natural that as we go through life and the various changes due to circumstance,(location,age,upbringing) that people who were friends yesterday won't be friends tomorrow. Where you are in your life is one of the most difficult times in ones life to exert your own personality because of the fear of condemnation. I don't know what you should do,but I would say--don't make your life difficult at this point. School and the friends you have in school will soon be memories. I know it doesn't seem like it now,but that's the way it is. Good luck on your decision.

    All my old friends are polar opposites from me on certain issues--so we don't discuss those issues so that we can remain friends.
  11. Evergreen22

    Evergreen22 Guest

    Thank you, all of you - your advice was very helpful. I'm going to follow it and just be honest from now on. It may be difficult, but I know that it's for the better if I just be myself. Wish me luck :D
  12. Tyrsonswood

    Tyrsonswood Senior Moment

  13. Naco Kid

    Naco Kid Member

    Since you're still in school, walking away isn't an easy thing to do. Personally, I think you need to turn the tables on your situation. You're seeing yourself as the odd character in life's theater and are concerning yourself with how others see you. What you need to do is realize it's THEM who don't make sense to YOU because of THEIR shallow and limited ways. Pat yourself on the back for knowing something about feelings that they probably never will, pity them, and hope that maybe someday they'll figure it all out, because you already have. And then go enjoy that happiness you have inside you. BTW - do you think they'll ever figure it out? lol Me neither!
  14. lively_girl

    lively_girl Member

    If your friends don't accept you just because some of their beliefs are different than yours, than they were never your true friends anyway.

    Sadly I do know how hypocritical and judgmental certain 'Catholics' can be. Especially teenagers.
    Luckily some grow out of it.

    There are other people around you who will accept you just as you are and those will be your real friends.
  15. placou 1968

    placou 1968 Member

    i once seen a very famous singer make this statement, (paraphrasing) i had reached the pinnacle of success very early, and as i appeared on a musical varity show i was ask by johnny cash to tell the audience i had served time in prison, i said, my fans finding out is my greatest fear, cash responded, if you put it out there, they,ll never be able to throw it up in your face, the singer decided to tell the crowd, and as history shows, merle haggard made the right decision.

    you can find some lessons between the lines to help your situation i believe
  16. Summerhill

    Summerhill Member

    Sounds to me like you're feeling pretty isolated & you're the odd one out. You're not. 'They' are clinging to the narrow world they know & what you are seeing is them holding on coz its safe. You have the courage & maturity to see the world is bigger & more diverse,thats something you should be proud of.

    If you can find others who are more like you,some people who you can share empathy with, you will feel more grounded less isolated & 'they' & their narrow opinions will lose their hold on you. Their importance will will lessen. Keep yourself safe. You're the one thats growing up !
  17. PhotoDude

    PhotoDude Member

    Childhood friends almost always grow apart and begin to hold different views as we grow. Just be yourself. Don't let fear dictate your life. Yes, you may lose some of your friends, but changes are that you will make new friends that share your views, and doesn't that make life just a little bit sweeter?
  18. thismoment

    thismoment Member

    I dunno - lifetime friends are good to have. No need to rush to conflict. Helps to look for the ways you're the same. Maybe reach out for other people without alienating old friends. I've been in the same Bible study group for about 20 years and just a couple of months ago came out as psychedelic. My wife tells me I have a huge spectrum of friends, probably because I've been working hard to let go of my own judgments. Seeking the places where we resonate together.
  19. BeachBall

    BeachBall Nosey old moo

    Evergreen -

    I think you've got to find your own answer. I don't think you should walk away from your friends - you want them to be your friends. But I don't think you should deny who and what you are, either, just for the sake of retaining their friendship. That would be, ultimately, a form of deceit - and is friendship based upon deceit what you really want?

    So let them know who you really are, how you really feel. Don't try to "educate" them, or come over all evangelical about it. They do not need to adopt your views - merely understand and accept that they ARE your views. The more mature ones will be willing to agree to differ and remain your friends.

    As for those who won't, and whose friendship you lose as a result - well, effectively, what they're saying is "we'll be your friends but only for so long as you conform to our idea of who and what you ought to be". Now to my mind, that's a form of bullying. And who wants to be friends with a bully (or, more to the point, to be bullied into a friendship)???
  20. thismoment

    thismoment Member

    Well said all the way through.

    Evangelicals of any sort are nearly always a drag. Just be...

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