I am going to try to keep this as short as possible because it can get very detailed. i have been in love with a man for over a decade now. He has been (almost) consistently in my life for this time period, but never any labels. We have sexual relations, and he is always there for me, as I have been for him. I have always wanted more, and he would always joke it off. But that never stopped me from always wanting him. I have never even looked at any other man and he hasnt any other woman Recently, i started to finally think that since he cant give me more, maybe i need to break away from him and start seeing other men. It was very hard and still is, but its something i thought i should do. Recently, I started seeing another man, as I do want someone to love me in that aspect, maybe have kids etc. it is still new do i dont know if it will work out but he is an extremely nice man and wants a future. now enters the over a decade man. Of course i told him, and he flipped out on me. Saying that i should have known better, that the fact he would see me all the time, spend time with me, share all his woes/happinesses with me etc, should be indicative enough that i mean more than any gf or wife would. And that he does love me. He wants me to pick one, him or the new guy Now i dont know what to do. Do i break the new guys heart who is falling deeper and deeper and tell him i cant? Or do i try and see what happens or do i say goodbye to over a decade guy. Which is something in my wildest dreams i wouldnt even think about because of how deeply i care i am losing sleep over this, i cant function. I feel so stupid to even have thought of seeing someone else and the fact that i hurt him so much.
Hi Curious, I wonder about below two details Did you discuss this with him before actually start seeing the other guy? Did you inform the second guy about the decade old guy? And that you will be seeing both of them?
Are you sure you are in love with the first man ? Sometimes in life the thing we can’t have make us want it more.if this man doesn’t want to settle down you can’t force him, he will only resent you. If you wasn’t planning children I would say keep seeing both if there is not a promise of commitment , but if you really want children you have to choose, not knowing who the father is will just bring you more problems.you could finish with both of them and see how you feel, you don’t know what is just round the corner, someone wonderful could come into your life and give you the happiness you deserve.
i am not seeing the both of them at the same time. That was part if the point of my post, that i started seeing the new guy cuz i had decided to let the old guy go. and yes i had discussed it with him, but he thought i was joking
First guy should not care if he is not willing to comment. No way to know if second guy is willing to comment. If the relationship is sexual, that could be another story.
I believe the old guy is not ready for commitment. How your interests and the second guys interests are aligned. May be this should discuss clearly before you invest another decade or so Wish you the best
Girlcurious, if you either want children and / or a committed relationship, then ditch the old guy and don't look back. A decade with him and he only spoke up when you started seeing a new guy - and per what little you wrote - he still didn't seem to offer marriage or children to you, tells you all you need to know. Unless you started seeing him in junior high school, 10 years is more than enough time for him to at least call you his girlfriend and decide to marry you or not. Be grateful you aren't living with the old guy. Consider it a llife learning experience that will help you appreciate the new guy? Give the new guy a chance, you'll be Look up the terms sunken cost fallacy or gambler's fallacy. Good luck!
Two words for the old guy....see ya!! Unfortunate that you had to blow ten years on it, I'm sure you both had some good times.
Well of course the ‘new’ seems more appealing there are no responsibilities as in an well established relationship …there is also discovery aspects with ‘new’ which already taken place with the ‘older’ relationship…too many reasons to list… Also the same person you are considering replacing is still growing and these same values can be shared with ‘new’ or ‘old’ The choice is always yours as well as theirs
