Office romance

I am the owner of a company and have had a crushed with this employee who has been here for almost 10 years. However I am married for 4 years and have a 3 year old kid. The employee is not married but she is in a relationship for many years. Last year I took her to a business trip in Europe because she is in charge of production. We had a few dinners and chat but no affair of course. Last month she came to my room after everyone left and ask for a few days off because her beloved grandmother passed away. I gave her a hug and we hugged for over 5 minutes.

I love my family but this staff, I really really have intense feelings for. I would fantasize her all the time and masturbate frequently. I feel she might have some feelings for me. Do you all feel I can have an affair with this staff or am I asking for so much trouble that it isn't worth it?

 

Keep it a fantasy, you have to much to loose, last thing you want is her taking it the wrong way and you being sued, and if that happens you might loose your family

 

What makes you think she's interested in you? She was sad that her grandmother died and you offered comfort. That's it. And having dinner and chatting while in another country is not a big deal. My DH has to travel with another man when he goes on business trips. He can't stand the guy, but still has dinner with him.

You are a jerk for getting married while focusing on someone else. A "crush" for 10 years? Sounds like lust, nothing more. Grow the F up!

The old adage of "Don't mix business with pleasure" comes to mind.

How do you plan on bringing up your desire for this woman (who is in a relationship as well)? Be prepared for a lawsuit for sexual harassment and a divorce. If my married boss came onto me, I would turn him down and tell his wife (after I consulted with my lawyer.) I don't know if I would tell DH right away, because he would react very violently towards another man. Mine has some self control, you don't know if her guy does.

So all around, it's a BAD idea.

 

Just because you hugged for 5 minutes dosent mean shes wanting to bang you, maybe she felt your a good friend and boss and feels comfortable with you.
Shes in a relationship, your married.
At least be decent and divorce your wife before you do something stupid.

 

We hugged for 5 minutes long. I am sure there was something with her as well. But I will take you folks' advice and not play with fire. My family is definitely my priority but I am really obsessed with her. I will track her via company's video surveillance and I will drink from her cup when everyone is off.

 

things just became fairly creepy, if I found out ANYONE, let alone one in a position of power over me was stalking me I would do everything I could to either disappear or make them disappear.

 

You are very creepy. Stalking her is only going to make things worse for you (mentally) as well as economically (you could be sued if she finds out, your business would be ruined- why would anyone want to do business with you- and your wife will leave you.

Who actually times a hug? I don't think I've ever hugged my husband for that long unless it was to comfort him (or him comforting me) when someone died.

You are inventing a relationship where there is NONE. You really need to seek professional help and leave this poor woman alone. You should get help so you don't ruin your marriage. Your poor wife.

 

See I find this kind of sad. This really isn't an issue with you having a crush on your employee, it has more to do with you not wanting to be a faithful husband. I work in an environment with men and woman and there are a few attractive ladies here, but it doesn't matter in the least. It's like you walking down the street and seeing an attractive woman. Sure you may look or even take a double look but in the end it's just something attractive which your eyes see, and you may even think “Nice tits or ass” and that's as far as it goes.

To me it sounds like you would jump at the chance to cheat on your wife with this or probably any other woman, if given an opportunity. The fact that you work with this woman makes it so you interact with her more and have familiarity and a working relationship, but if you are fantasizing about her and masturbating constantly thinking about her that is a problem for you and your marriage and I feel sorry for your wife as you don’t seem like a loyal husband and it sounds like it’s just a matter of time before the right opportunity presents itself and you end up cheating on your wife.

Obviously marriage, raising kids & doing the whole “family life” isn’t easy, it’s a lot of work and it’s not as exciting as dating or adventurous, however it is about commitment, fatherhood & holding things like family values high. I don’t know if you’re going through a mid life crisis or bored or just found out after the fact that this isn’t for you. But bottom line you don’t sound like the faithful husband / family man type to me. You can carry on and do nothing and live in agony, or you’ll end up cheating on your wife then then find out how real things get. Or you can actually man up if you know in your heart what you have now isn’t for you and separate from your wife and do right by her financially. It may sound cold but it’s far better than outright cheating on her or having a secret affair. Pursuing this employee is only going to end in disaster and possible legal troubles.

I feel sorry for your wife…

 

i'm sure you can. you sound kind of douchey, so you are exactly the kind of guy most women would be willing to have sex with after all.

eh, at some point "i chose to devote my life to a shitty person, and now i wonder why i'm stuck dealing with a shitty person" just starts to go in one ear and out the other. i mean, you can't feel sorry for everybody, there's only so much sorry to go around.

 

Stalking is a crime. Do not do it.

I'm pretty sure because that has been brought up by the OP, this entire thread can be deleted by our beloved moderators now.

I'm certainly creeped out.

 

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And I am not happy that you are disclosing my location which is a privacy. This is a forum. I am troubled, thus I am asking fellow members for an honest answer which I actually have accepted.

As a moderator you should have at least privately msg me about this and you decided to abuse your power!

 

Don't get me wrong, sticking it out with a shitting person is dumb and not worth it. In the end your life is about your happiness and that's rule #1. However once you get married and have kids you SHOULD put aside your own selfish desires (or at least some) and push it onto your family & kids. If you don't have that in you then by all means don't get married and have kids!!!

I'm never going to come down on a person for not wanting to get married or have kids. Hell if anything if they realize that about themselves before the fact then great for them and the rest of the world. Hell we all can't be CEO's & non family men right? For myself I'll gladly give up a promotion if it means I can spend more time with my family. To me work is a means to and end, not the purpose of life, but to others it's different and that's okay.

To the OP, I'm not saying in any way you're a bad person or trying to come down on you. However the situation you're in, you know yourself and what you want and desire. If you know deep in your heart the "family life" just isn't for you and you enjoy the hunt / kill of things then it's better to realize that sooner than later because in the end nobody will be happy if that is the case and you do nothing.

 

"sticking it out" with either an abuser or staying and exposing yourself to who knows what and how many possible diseases with one who runs around is a disservice to everyone and just lets people get away with doing harm. Better to go and find some person worthy of you.

 

Ever since the baby has arrived, my wife and I have never had much romance thus this has something to do with such fantasy. I will take the overwhelming response to move on. This employee is great and loyal to the company. However I hear things around that her bf doesn't treat her too well and she doesn't deserve it!

 

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