Offensive Joke Thread

Discussion in 'Random Thoughts' started by Mui, Jan 14, 2005.

  1. cousinit

    cousinit Member

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    Little Johnny was in the garden filling in a hole when his neighbour peered over the fence. Interested in what the cheeky-faced youngster was up to, he politely asked, "What are you up to there, Johnny?"

    "My goldfish died," replied Johnny tearfully, without looking up, "and I've just buried him."

    The neighbour was concerned, "That's an awfully big hole for a goldfish, isn't it?"

    Johnny patted down the last heap of earth then replied, "That's because he's inside your fucking cat."



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    Three boys are hanging out and walking home from town when they see a light in a house turn on. They curiously approach the window and peek inside. They see a young woman undressing. As they're watching, little Johnny suddenly yelps, "oh no!" and runs away. The next day, his two friends come up to him and say, "why'd you leave last night? You some kind of homo?" And little Johnny replies, "No, but my momma told me once that if I do anything bad, God will turn me to stone...and I felt myself becoming hard, so I got out of there as fast as I could!!!


    -----------------

    So one day little jony walks in on his parents having sex and he asks what they are doing. And his mom says "you know how dad has such a big tummy", i was just trying to flatten it out. Then little jonny said "well why do you do that, the cleaning lady just comes in the nexts day and blows it back up again"

    -----------------

    Little Johnny hears his parents fighting, "You Bitch, You Basterd" and little Johnny says, "What does that mean?" "Grandma and Grampa son, Grandma and Grampa." So then he goes and plays out side and hears these people talking, "Yeah so I said c'mon stick your dick in my pussy." He says, "What is dick and pussy." The people turn around surprised and quickly say, "hat and coat."
    Then he goes upstairs to find his dad shaving. His dad cuts himself and says, "SHIT!" "What does that mean Daddy?" "Oh, um, shaving cream." Then little Johnny goes down stairs to see his mom stuffing the turkey. Her ring gets caught and she says, "FUCK!" Little Johnny says, "What does that mean Mommy?" "Stuffing son, stuffing." Then the doorbell rings and Johnny goes to open it. It's his grandparents. Little Johnny says "Hi Bitch, hi Basturd, can I take your dick and pussy? Dad's upstairs putting shit all over his face and Mom's in the kitchen fucking the turkey!"

    ---------------

    Little Johnny and his little brother Billy were in their bedroom getting ready for school.
    Johnny asks Billy, "Hey, lets swear at breakfast when mom comes in, I've never swore in front of her before, I want to see what she does."
    "Okay," said Billy, "but you go first."
    Johnny and Billy are at the table when mother comes in and says, "What do you boys want for breakfast?"
    Johnny says, "I want some fucking pancakes!"
    BOOM! She backhands Johnny and he falls to the floor crying.
    She glares at Billy, "What do YOU want for breakfast?"
    Billy replied, "I sure don't want any fucking pancakes!".

    ----------------

    Q: What is the smartest thing ever to come out of a womens mouth?
    A: Einsteins dick.

    Q: What do electric train sets and womens breasts have in common?
    A: Both were intended for children, but it's the father who ends up playing with them.

    Q: Why do Mexicans win so few medals at the Olympics?
    A: Because all those who can swim, run or jump are in the US.

    [size=-1] Q. What are 2 things you can't give a ******?
    A. A black eye, and a fat lip,
    [/size]

    Why can't blondes take coffee breaks?
    They're too hard to retrain.
    What do you call a fag on roller skates?Rolaids

    A lesbian goes into brothel and and asks for the prettieest youngest girl availalable. The owner replys, sorry we dont sell minors to lickers

    Q: how do you know you know your at a gay picknik
    A: the hotdogs all taste like shit



     
  2. NaykidApe

    NaykidApe Bomb the Ban

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    Q: What's 9 inches long and white?


    A: Nothing.
     
  3. mynameiskc

    mynameiskc way to go noogs!

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    anti blonde and anti jew and anti polish jokes do qualify for anti white. they're just more specific because we whiteys REALLY know how to hate each other.
     
  4. mynameiskc

    mynameiskc way to go noogs!

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    come to think of it, unless a joke is specifically targeted at minorty races, we're pretty much conditioned to consider them white. rednecks, catholics, irish, all of that.
     
  5. Juggalo4ever

    Juggalo4ever KingoftheChubbyGirls

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    here's a picture joke
     
  6. MoonjavaSeed

    MoonjavaSeed Yeah, Toast!

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    HAHAHHA HOLY SHIT.. LMFAO you're a funny funny guy. :)
     
  7. daisymae

    daisymae Senior Member

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    hahahaha Well, there you go...:D You win the challenge, Naykid.
     
  8. Duck

    Duck quack. Lifetime Supporter

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    read below
    I accidently posted twice
     
  9. Duck

    Duck quack. Lifetime Supporter

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    Not true. I don't want to burst the blacks' bubble but a study was done and on average white dudes have bigger cocks. I also know a slut that told me the study is right, by a lot. She still likes black guys more for some reason.
     
  10. TheGanjaKing

    TheGanjaKing Newbie

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    I love that gay picnic joke..... I almost pissed myself
     
  11. thrawn

    thrawn Member

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    Q. How do you kill 1000 flys?
    A. Hit an ethiopian with a shovel

    ...My favorite
     
  12. TheChaosFactor

    TheChaosFactor Senior Member

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    man I'm so going to hell for this, but here it goes:

    Q: What's red and white and sitting in the corner?
    A: A baby w/ a razor blade

    Q: What's red and green and white and sitting in the corner?
    A: The same baby a week later.

    Q: Why put a baby in a blender feet first?
    A: So you can watch it's face as it goes in.

    Q: What's more fun than nailing a baby to a tree?
    A: Nailing a baby to a cat.

    Q: What's the differene between a dead baby and a rock?
    A: You can't fuck a rock.

    Q: What's the difference between a dead baby and a cadillac?
    A: I don't have a garage full of cadillacs.

    Q: What's the difference between a dead baby and corn dog?
    A: You can put the corn dog in the microwave.

    Q: What's round and white and goes up and down?
    A: A pedophiles ass.



    It did say offensive jokes thread
     
  13. missfontella

    missfontella Mama of Da Assassins

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    check your pm's
     
  14. thehipsterdufus

    thehipsterdufus Member

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    Ever hear of Mexican tape?
    it's just like Scotch tape, but doesn't have a sticky side

    Why do Jewish men wear yamikas?
    because those little propellers cost extra
     
  15. mynameiskc

    mynameiskc way to go noogs!

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    i don't get the first one.
     
  16. BugMan.

    BugMan. Banned

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    Me neither.
     
  17. headymoechick

    headymoechick I have no idea

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    ha! these made my day. I always love a good joke.

    Miss Fontella yours made me laugh the hardest!!

    And Duck, don't use the "n" word and turn around and bitch about a white joke and defend your little white cock.
     
  18. Duck

    Duck quack. Lifetime Supporter

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    I was bitching about it and I never said that I have a big cock, I just can't stand that myth because I go to an 80% black school and they hog up all (okay about 50% of) the good lookin' white chicks
     
  19. mynameiskc

    mynameiskc way to go noogs!

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    they are rather irresistable.
     
  20. PhOeNiX_fIrE

    PhOeNiX_fIrE Member

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    You guys had some pretty offensive jokes, put this one could take the cake:

    Q: How do you get a pakki (east indian) woman pregnant?
    A: Cum on her shoes and let the flies do the rest.

    ahahaha. ouch!

    This ones more funny than offensive, but racist nontheless

    Q: Why are all black people so fast?
    A: Cause all the slow ones are in jail!!!!!

    Q: How can you telll if a street girl is on her rag?
    A: She's wearing one sock

    Q: What's the difference inbetween a street girl and a hockey team?
    A: After three periods, the hockey team takes a shower
    BOOYAH!!!!
     

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