Offensive Joke Thread

Discussion in 'Random Thoughts' started by Mui, Jan 14, 2005.

  1. Mui

    Mui Senior Member

    WARNING: If you are a whiny little bitch and can't take a joke... Dont read any further! This thread could contain jokes that are offensive to JEWS, feminists, christians, Left Handed Lithuanian Basket weavers, republicans, fetus', gays, blacks, whites, eskimos, athiests, heterosexuals, newborn babies, and mongolians... *GASP!* We wouldnt want any little pussies crying over the jokes on this thread... so this is your last warning.

    if we cant learn to laugh at ourselves than we will be destined to be stuck up pricks for the rest of our lives... and i think the majority of us dont want that do we?

    I gave you fair warning, so, no bitching.
    Let's hope the substance in this thread will be overwhelming...!

    I'll start us off!


    Adolph Hitler was having terrible nightmares, and so he decided to go to a fortune teller hoping that the woman could find the source of his problem.

    "I am sorry but I am unable to help you solve your dreams" said the fortune teller, "but I do know that you will die on a Jewish holiday."

    "And which holiday will this be?" he asked.

    "It does not matter." she replied. "Any day that you die will be a Jewish Holiday."
     
  2. Mui

    Mui Senior Member

    A man went rushing into a church for something he had forgotten, but he was stopped cold by a huge sign the janitor had placed in front of the floor that he had just washed. It read: PLEASE DON'T WALK ON THE WATER.
     
  3. Mui

    Mui Senior Member

    Woman: Help! Help! An Irishman tried to rape me!
    Police Officer: How do you know he was Irish?
    Woman: I had to help him.

    Q. How many Italians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
    A. Two. One to screw it in and the other to shoot the witness.

    Q. Why Wasn't Christ Born In Mexico?
    A. Because They Couldn't Find Three Wise Men And A Virgin.

    Q. Why are they using Mexicans instead of laboratory rats In experiments now?
    A. Mexicans breed faster and you don't get so attached to them.
     
  4. NaykidApe

    NaykidApe Bomb the Ban

    I noticed the warning in your opening thread didn't mention Left Handed Lithuanian Basket weavers.

    I find this exclusionary attitude offensive.
     
  5. Mui

    Mui Senior Member

    Why do jews wear skull caps?

    To cover up the hole where the piss and the sprog comes out

    A sailor in Singapore complains that the whore's **** is dry and hurting him. "Wait I'll fix it" she offers. "Vaseline ??" he asks. "NO". "KY jelly" he tries again. "NO....I'll just scrape off the scabs and spread the scum around".

    Did you here about the fellow who went down on a girl he found asleep on a beach at St Kilda, and got a mouth full of worms. She'd been dead for 3 days......


    Do you know what a Jewish dilemma is?

    Free ham.
     
  6. Mui

    Mui Senior Member

    im so very sorry.... here ill fix it..
     
  7. HippyCor$ter

    HippyCor$ter Ackamonkey

    Whiny little bitch? There are no whiny little bitches on these forums...:rolleyes:
     
  8. NaykidApe

    NaykidApe Bomb the Ban

    Better.



    :confused: Wait...now I feel like your being condescending.
     
  9. DoDaMan

    DoDaMan Member

    Here is one that I heard at work today. Sorry if I offend anyone...............



    Did you hear about the polish joke?

    There is only one and the rest are true!

    LOL! I'm sorry if anyone is upset at me for saying this. I just found it really hillarious today. Being that I am from Chicago, where it has the largest population of polish people ouside of Warsaw, Poland.............



    ~namaste~
     
  10. Duck

    Duck quack. Lifetime Supporter

    I love offensive jokes but these all suck
    Let me spice things up a bit.

    How do you keep a jew busy?
    Put him in a circular room and tell himm there's a penny in the corner.

    What's the difference between a jew and a pizza?
    Pizzas don't scream when you put them in the oven.

    How do you fit a thousand jews in a Volkswagen?
    Two in the front, two in the back, and the rest in the ashtrays.

    What's wrong about five niggers going over a cliff in a Caddilac?
    A Caddy seats six

    Why do black men cry during sex?
    Pepperspray

    What do you call ten dead niggers at the bottom of a lake?
    Progress

    A ****** and a spic are in a car, who's driving?
    The cop

    What do you get when you cross a ****** and a spic?
    Someone who's too lazy to steal
     
  11. FallenFairy

    FallenFairy Senior Member

    what do you call a gang of spics running down hill??
    JAILBREAK!!!!

    what do you call a mexican getting baptized???
    BEAN DIP

    how do you know if a chink robbed your house?????
    your homework is done, computer is upgraded but two hours later hes still trying to back out of your drive way.

    What do you call a ****** with a peg leg?
    Shit on a stick


    Why do blacks have white hands and feet?
    They were on all fours when God spray painted them!

    A black man and a mexican are sitting in the back of a car, whose driving?
    A cop
     
  12. Duck

    Duck quack. Lifetime Supporter

    I did that one, and I'm not trying to be a prick or anything but, saying 'back of a' kinda ruins the joke.
     
  13. Duncan

    Duncan Senior Member

    And I hate offensive jokes. In fact, I am of the opinion that if they are offensive they are not jokes. They are simply offenses.
     
  14. FallenFairy

    FallenFairy Senior Member

    my bad sorry I guess I must of either looked over it or didnt see it.
     
  15. Duck

    Duck quack. Lifetime Supporter

    Ummmmm.......... Your opinion conflicts with Webster's
     
  16. missfontella

    missfontella Mama of Da Assassins

    Which is scarier? a group of black guys with do-rags or a group of white guys with briefcases

    the white guys because black people might steal your purse but white people steal your hope
     
  17. Duck

    Duck quack. Lifetime Supporter

    I'm all for white-bashing jokes but that one just was not funny at all to me. Do you know anymore? Usaully racial jokes are against the minorities.
     
  18. missfontella

    missfontella Mama of Da Assassins

    nope

    that's the point, there are no "white" offensive jokes. I challenge anyone to post a good one........I bet you can't
     
  19. Soulless||Chaos

    Soulless||Chaos SelfInducedExistence

    Oh come on, I've heard plenty, I just can never remember any jokes... :rolleyes: But I know there are plenty, white people are the only pc ones to joke about. :rolleyes:
     
  20. browneydgrl

    browneydgrl Member

    whaddaya call a salt shaker with a switchblade?

    .......

    ....

    assault with a deadly weapon

    *laughs at her own ridiculously unoffensive joke*
     

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